The language of management BS

[hammocity]

A good few years ago I was in a meeting and this fully fledged paid up member of business bullshit kept going on about KPI’s.

I said, “I know you like your KPI’s Mike but what about the KPN’s?”

He looked at me quizzically and said:

“What do me mean KPN’s?”

I replied

“Peanuts”

Everyone bar Mike laughed

My card was marked

I was out of that department pretty quickly after that and “left” the company not much later.

 

[hammocity]

It's an environment I wouldn't last 5 mins in. Going to work and wearing a tie, arsing about on a computer in an office, team bonding, meeting targets, or whatever it is they do, answering to some oddball who attempts to motivate etc..
So glad I chose the building trade where I work for myself, answer to no-one and have a laugh with mainly normal people and proper blokes.
Get a trade is still the best advice to give anyone.

Back in the day:

Collar
Tie
Suit from Burton’s
Wedding ring
Briefcase
Broadsheet newspaper
Tupperware box with sandwiches or pasta
2.4 kids
Ford Mondeo
New Build house
2 weeks holiday in the South of France camping
Video camera

God, I despised those fuckers especially those I was sharing a train with. They’d constantly get on their phones barking out orders to their staff, you knew full well they wouldn’t act like that face to face.

Then when someone rang them it was:

“I’ll have to call you back John as I’m on a train to London and line isn’t great”.

Just to let people know how important they were visiting the shit hole metropolis.

 

[BrianW]

What annoyed me most was that over time all autonomy was removed. (It's the autonomy that makes a job worthwhile. The ability to use your initiative to solve problems and help people. Of course, it does rely on employees having a brain.)

By the time I finished, I felt like a glorified clerk. Life was made up of ticking off checklists and obeying orders from on high, many of which were fucking absurd. It was like a surreal game, not work as I knew it when I was younger. No one, and I mean no one, was happy and I believe this atmosphere contributes to the growing incidence of mental health issues. The modern office has become pathogenic.

Most employers don't care. They know that as long as they can avoid lawsuits, they can safely dump their burned-out employees onto the state's tab.

 

[NewDawnFades]

 

[Semper aggressus]

Maybe they’re not smart enough to be succinct.

 

[Protein Junkie]

A verbal bouquet to @TinFoilHat for gathering us together to run so many ideas up the flagpole.
Absolutely essential to monitor,evaluate and review for strategic purposes to ensure it aligns with our mission statement.

 

[mancboy]

A verbal bouquet to @TinFoilHat for gathering us together to run so many ideas up the flagpole.
Absolutely essential to monitor,evaluate and review for strategic purposes to ensure it aligns with our mission statement.

yes but it does it match our synergy

 

[Protein Junkie]

yes but it does it match our synergy

It’s symbiotic

 

[Lowtower]

Corporate B.S. Generator

 

[mancboy]