The "let's talk" thread

[WEMBLEY76]

I am the main care for my partner with young onset Alzheimer’s for 5 years.Work part time also.
Took sick leave this week with absolute exhaustion,managed to get the motivation to get out yes to visit a family member and had a great day.
One day at a time for us,City’s success has really kept me going these last few years and hope this will continue.
Have some bad days,mostly though I try to remain positive as our 26 year old daughter still lives at home and seeing her see her mums decline is
awful,yet also part of her life and something I cannot improve on,unfortunately.
I tend to overthink situations and try to plan a quite uncertain future as best as I can and be there for other family who I need to lean on.

 

[SWP's back]

This seems rather insubstantial compared with some of the things I’ve read but my Dad’s very unwell and isn’t going to get any better. It’s been coming for a while and I really don’t know how I’m gonna cope when the day comes.

As most know I live a fair distance away but we’ve spoken on FaceTime most days for the last seven years (so I have more contact now than I had when I lived in Manchester). He’s still the first person I want to call after a good deal at work and the only nightmare I ever have, rather than monsters or being attacked is him passing and telling me he’s scared and me not being able to do anything.

It’s a **** of a disease and it’s destroyed this 6’ 3” big, hard, sharp, clever, loving bastard that’s spent the last 38 years being the rock I anchor my world against. I’m equally petrified and so very sad. I don’t let on to my Mrs, I don’t cry when I’m on the blower to him, even when he does (I save that for after we hang up) but I just don’t know what I’m going to do on that day.

 

[SWP's back]

I am the main care for my partner with young onset Alzheimer’s for 5 years.Work part time also.
Took sick leave this week with absolute exhaustion,managed to get the motivation to get out yes to visit a family member and had a great day.
One day at a time for us,City’s success has really kept me going these last few years and hope this will continue.
Have some bad days,mostly though I try to remain positive as our 26 year old daughter still lives at home and seeing her see her mums decline is
awful,yet also part of her life and something I cannot improve on,unfortunately.
I tend to overthink situations and try to plan a quite uncertain future as best as I can and be there for other family who I need to lean on.

Mate, I’m so sorry to hear that.

 

[shilly8903]

If it's any help mate, I had a coke addiction 10 years ago when my kids were about the age of yours now and before I knew I had high functioning autism (coke made me feel normal and less awkward) and I thought I was on the road to suicide. I knew I had everything on a plate if I wanted it but just couldn't act on it. I had advice from my counsellor to close my eyes and imagine my little lads bringing me my coke to me on a plate and watching me doing it and learning how to take it. I never took it again and sorted myself out and am really happy and settled now. Good luck pal

Thanks thats a really good peice of advice the thought alone is horrific. Im struggling tonight being honest its been a week since i last had coke! but that image has definitely just elimanted my craving for tonight so thanks.

 

[Nebuchadnezzar]

This seems rather insubstantial compared with some of the things I’ve read but my Dad’s very unwell and isn’t going to get any better. It’s been coming for a while and I really don’t know how I’m gonna cope when the day comes.

As most know I live a fair distance away but we’ve spoken on FaceTime most days for the last seven years (so I have more contact now than I had when I lived in Manchester). He’s still the first person I want to call after a good deal at work and the only nightmare I ever have, rather than monsters or being attacked is him passing and telling me he’s scared and me not being able to do anything.

It’s a **** of a disease and it’s destroyed this 6’ 3” big, hard, sharp, clever, loving bastard that’s spent the last 38 years being the rock I anchor my world against. I’m equally petrified and so very sad. I don’t let on to my Mrs, I don’t cry when I’m on the blower to him, even when he does (I save that for after we hang up) but I just don’t know what I’m going to do on that day.

Lovely post.

 

[worsleyweb]

Nice thread. I had a wobble with my mental health over the summer I think. I always have a persona of strength and success but I was that physically tired over the summer and stressed that i could barely move at one point and felt totally drained.

I try and keep 8 people in my little unit happy and sometimes juggling it all gets a bit much. I know how lucky I am compared to others and I am feeling better now. Just try and be nice to everyone.

 

[Ban-jani]

I am the main care for my partner with young onset Alzheimer’s for 5 years.Work part time also.
Took sick leave this week with absolute exhaustion,managed to get the motivation to get out yes to visit a family member and had a great day.
One day at a time for us,City’s success has really kept me going these last few years and hope this will continue.
Have some bad days,mostly though I try to remain positive as our 26 year old daughter still lives at home and seeing her see her mums decline is
awful,yet also part of her life and something I cannot improve on,unfortunately.
I tend to overthink situations and try to plan a quite uncertain future as best as I can and be there for other family who I need to lean on.

Sounds like you’re a cracking father and a partner mate.

Keep doing what you can.

 

[Ric]

This seems rather insubstantial compared with some of the things I’ve read but my Dad’s very unwell and isn’t going to get any better. It’s been coming for a while and I really don’t know how I’m gonna cope when the day comes.

As most know I live a fair distance away but we’ve spoken on FaceTime most days for the last seven years (so I have more contact now than I had when I lived in Manchester). He’s still the first person I want to call after a good deal at work and the only nightmare I ever have, rather than monsters or being attacked is him passing and telling me he’s scared and me not being able to do anything.

It’s a **** of a disease and it’s destroyed this 6’ 3” big, hard, sharp, clever, loving bastard that’s spent the last 38 years being the rock I anchor my world against. I’m equally petrified and so very sad. I don’t let on to my Mrs, I don’t cry when I’m on the blower to him, even when he does (I save that for after we hang up) but I just don’t know what I’m going to do on that day.

Nice post mate, and certainly not inconsequential. Everyone’s battles are different, and no less valid than others.

Your post particularly resonated with me though, as my Dad is in the mid to later stages of Alzheimer’s and seeing the impact it’s had on both parents really takes its toll. Seeing the person you always looked up to deteriorate into a shell of man before your eyes, and knowing that you will never hold any kind of meaningful conversation ever again, is tough. I know I should just be grateful that he’s still around, but as anyone who’s experienced it will vouch, Alzheimer’s is a pretty cruel disease.

In the same time my partner has fairly suddenly, unexpectedly lost both of her parents and been diagnosed with epilepsy which has also been difficult to come to terms with. Her situation is obviously far worse than mine, but has had a big impact on both of us. Having to put on a brave face for her and the kids isn’t always easy. Probably explains to some extent why I’m tetchier than usual on here, so apologies for that. Sometimes the additional stress of running this place gets to me, but that’s no excuse. I need to remind myself that it doesn’t really matter in the scheme of things.

Think I know deep down that I’m perhaps drinking more than I should, and exercising less than I’d like, and that it’s having an impact on my mental wellbeing. The episodes of anxiety and depression are getting more frequent, yet I’m strangely reticent to visit my GP to discuss it. I think I fear being put on anti-depressants, as it feels that they would just mask the underlying issues and, pathetically, it’s a conversation I even feel awkward about having with my doctor. Odd, given that I’ve just opened up more to a bunch of relative strangers on the internet more than I ever have to anyone close to me. Guess that’s the effect of a couple of glasses of Rioja. Oh well. I’ll no doubt wake with a crippling sense of anxiety at about 3am and delete this post anyway.

 

[journolud]

Nice post mate, and certainly not inconsequential. Everyone’s battles are different, and no less valid than others.

Your post particularly resonated with me though, as my Dad is in the mid to later stages of Alzheimer’s and seeing the impact it’s had on both parents really takes its toll. Seeing the person you always looked up to deteriorate into a shell of man before your eyes, and knowing that you will never hold any kind of meaningful conversation ever again, is tough. I know I should just be grateful that he’s still around, but as anyone who’s experienced it will vouch, Alzheimer’s is a pretty cruel disease.

In the same time my partner has fairly suddenly, unexpectedly lost both of her parents and been diagnosed with epilepsy which has also been difficult to come to terms with. Her situation is obviously far worse than mine, but has had a big impact on both of us. Having to put on a brave face for her and the kids isn’t always easy. Probably explains to some extent why I’m tetchier than usual on here, so apologies for that. Sometimes the additional stress of running this place gets to me, but that’s no excuse. I need to remind myself that it doesn’t really matter in the scheme of things.

Think I know deep down that I’m perhaps drinking more than I should, and exercising less than I’d like, and that it’s having an impact on my mental wellbeing. The episodes of anxiety and depression are getting more frequent, yet I’m strangely reticent to visit my GP to discuss it. I think I fear being put on anti-depressants, as it feels that they would just mask the underlying issues and, pathetically, it’s a conversation I even feel awkward about having with my doctor. Odd, given that I’ve just opened up more to a bunch of relative strangers on the internet more than I ever have to anyone close to me. Guess that’s the effect of a couple of glasses of Rioja. Oh well. I’ll no doubt wake with a crippling sense of anxiety at about 3am and delete this post anyway.

This forum probably contributes quite a lot to the mental health of people on here but I know from my own experience of running a website and forum, albeit on a smaller scale, what a ballache it can be. It's a good reminder that we should all be a little kinder to each other and make the lives of you and the mods a bit easier.

You should seriously consider seeing your GP if you are having periods of depression and anxiety, there is a place for anti depressants but you should also consider referring yourself to your local talking therapies service. I spend my workng days doing telephone assessments of people with anxiety and depression and you'd be surprised, or maybe not, about the number of times I hear stories like yours, and others on here, where a cumulation of factors have added up to cause problems.

Sadly I'm often putting peoiple on waiting lists of several months for therapy, gives a good indication of the scale of the problem, but I feel able to help a number just with that initial chat and some pointers. Depending on the area you live in the route to some useful therapy might be fairly quick and I'm happy to advise anyone by PM if they want any information about therapy services in their area (not guarenteed i have all the information)

I often point people in the direction of the self help leaflets on this site, probably they set the industry standard:

https://web.ntw.nhs.uk/selfhelp/

 

[journolud]

https://www.nhs.uk/apps-library/category/mental-health/