The life of a Junior Football coach

[TinFoilHat]

Posting on here for a bit of feedback and comradeship as i cant post on the usual outlets for obvious reasons

I coach my sons U10 footy team and am just starting my 2nd season. I played football well into my 40s, and ran a few adult teams over the years but coaching a kids team was all brand new to me.

We are a lowish level team who started off last season going 8 games without finding a win but ended the season winning more than we lost. The improvement to the lads was great to see.
This season we have been placed in a higher league (probs mid level after last seasons low level) and the lads are smashing it. Theyve won first 3 games.
I am not tactical genius , i just get the lads giving there all and playing them in positions they exceed at and are happy in. I ask the lads 2 things, to try their best and to enjoy it. It seems to work.

Ive also grown into the role , it took me a long time to learn to enjoy it and not take it too serious and that totally helps too.

i feel i tick the boxes to why im there; being part of lads playing footy and them enjoying it.

Anyway now for my rant;

Ive always tried to involve the parents in everything, following advice early on of get the parents on side helps in a big way.

I write weekly match reports, i send appraisals to the boys, i encourage them all the time, i totally focus on strengths of each lad, i give equal playing time to all. I give a man of the match medal each week (club dont provide these so out my own pocket) and all lads get it equal amount of times. Theres always a reason why someone deserves it.
I involve the parents in post match chats to let them feel involved

Last night i get 3 messages off parents;
1; “what does my son have to do to get man of the match, he doesnt get it, he needs it soon”
Now this lad is the son of a millionaire, he is totally indulged so i play my amateur physiologists roll and ensure i heap praise on him because thats what he thrives on. Where as others thrive off a kick up the arse. I cant keep telling this kid how well he is playing any more than i do.
2; “my son enjoys playing for the team but doesnt like defence and wants to play midfield so he can score 3 goals a game”
This lad is our best player, its only 7 a side, he plays maybe 10% of each game in defence but has a pretty free roll to drive forward and plays most of the game centre mid anyway.
I pointed this out to said parent who then ignored the message
3; “my son never gets man of the match”. He does, as i said they all get it equally, but they will go 9 games to win it again so it sometimes feels a long time. Showed them last seasons chart for MOTM and all lads getting it the same amount of times, she just said it doesnt feel that way

Anyway, so ive vented above , got it off my chest, last nights messages knocked me sideways and had me thinking is it worth it?
I sacrifice a lot and ask for nothing back. I miss all my daughters games because they clash where as other parents in same position can alternate

We seemed to enjoy it more as a struggling team rather than the winning outfit we are now

Anyone else lived the life of a football junior coach and felt a bit disillusioned as to why you do it and is it worth all the effort?
We sacrifice a lot , we get little in return other than ear ache off parents, or so it seems

Ask the parents to support you by coaching with you.

They might see why little Timmy doesn't get picked if he's acting the twat.

:)

On the positive side it sounds like you have enthusiasm and enjoy the role. I hope they don't beat that out of you.

 

[Mad Eyed Screamer]

Trouble is, the same players will often win it and the weaker ones never will. By doing a different player each week they will ALL get it. Eventually.
Sometimes my choice can be pretty left field, ‘jonny’ got it for that awesome block, something he might not always do in his game.

Thanks all for some awesome feed back.
7/9 of the parents are brilliant, but 2, both wealthy, are the ones that want their kid indulged. Trouble is im a stubborn ****

The feed back is really positive and appreciated after feeling a bit “why do i bother” last night and today.

I get that about everyone winning it, schools stopped doing individual sports day events but did team events for that same reason that some kids were often humiliated at coming hopelessly last - on the other hand I feel in a team game like this, either award it to the best or don’t do it at all, leave it to the end of season award.
As much as we don’t want to humiliate the fat kid for coming last, In football kids should aspire to be the best and recognise and accept when their peers have won MOTM rather than them feel they deserved it that game yet it was given to someone because it was their turn - equally one kid may win it but privately know that another kid deserved it but he won it last week.

It is a tricky situation and a no win case scenario in whatever method you use. Seems some fucker is going to be texting you which ever way you do it.

Maybe as someone else above suggested, a meeting or letter with the parents pre season fully outlining your way of managing the team and expectations of parents and seeking their support. Parents not in favour of YOUR rule can take their kid elsewhere.

One other thing. Just came to my head in a lightbulb moment.
Appoint a parent as your personal assistant. Hear me out here lol.
None of the parents get your phone number. They get the phone number of the assistant (could be a committee member or a parent). All communication goes to the assistant. A kid can’t play today? Call the assistant. Your kid didn’t get MOTM award? Call the assistant.
The assistant can deal with it and of course communicate with you on the stuff you need to know.
This will free you of dealing with the twats and hopefully not many calls or texts will go to the assistant as parents will know that the assistant simply reads from the hymn sheet without going into all the politics.

Does anyone think Rico Lewis’s dad has Pep’s number?

 

[BlueMoonday]

Some parents are absolute morons and spoil it for the kids.

If your kid doesn't get MoTM then it's because he/she wasn't good enough. Teach them to congratulate the person who was MoTM instead of moaning.

 

[charlie smudgeboots]

I did this for ten years, I heard a comment from an opponents father, 'play better' ' do you want more homework' I was sickened to the core. Sadly these people are arseholes of the highest order.

One of my lads played for the 2 best teams in Stockport (juniors) one thing that was the same at both clubs, they had 'pens' in the corner for parents, you were told stay in there and encourage only. Never question either manager or the ref. It worked like a dream and the parents became friends and socialised occasionally

 

[GoatersLeftShin]

It's great that you do it and believe me you will be far more appreciated than you think. The kids will also look up to you too.

I'm like you in that I played football well into my 40s and loved it. I tried to get my son into it but I hated the entire experience - gobby and aggressive parents and coaches, win-at-all-costs mentality and if you weren't quite good enough you'd play for a couple of minutes etc. The whole experience puts many kids off. I honestly think the money in the PL is trickling down and making people desperate for their children to make it as a footballer.

My son was decent as a footballer but he just didn't click with it, but loves basketball and the difference in the whole culture is night and day. Supportive kids who help each other, decent parents who want to win but applaud the opposition etc. Coaches are good friends and the ball hall try to help players and clubs alike.

I ALWAYS thank the coach who does training, managed the game, as well as attends the meetings. I thank the young refs too. It amazes me how many parents seem to think "I pay fees for this so no thanks are needed". I really noticed in football but basketball is much nicer in this regard.

Kids sport rely on volunteers and if it wasn't for people like you it would be in a terrible state so thanks and please carry on!

 

[east2]

I was involved in my son’s football teams for 12 years and loved every minute.
However you need to ask yourself who are you doing for, you or the kids?
Life is too short, and in my opinion no amount of sacrificing your daughters football is worth it.

 

[Canter]

Unfortunately people are twats.
Keep doing what you’re doing mate with a huge smile on your face. As long as the kids are enjoying it.
My Dad coached for years, battled with the odd nobhead every year, but they soon quietened down or fucked off.
They usually fuck off, going from experience, which will only benefits the team anyway.

 

[york away to this!]

I've been coaching/managing/whatever for a couple of years now. Some moments are really fulfilling, but they're far outweighed by the utter shite I have to deal with on a regular basis.
This usually comes from the family of the lads that are playing, unfortunately.
I really try to involve everyone in the games and create a close family of players, whether they are pretty good and can play all over the park - or are just a bit shite but get game time because they turn up week in week out and deserve some encouragement and praise just for being able to lace up their boots!
We all give up a lot of our own time for the lads but the pressure from outside and parents is just relentless in every respect.
I know some folk who play and coach other sports locally like lacrosse and hockey in the winter and cricket in the summer. There's nowhere near the demand for game time, "performance" and results from those on the sidelines watching in from the outside that we get.
It should be about fun and taking part, as well as wanting the lads to get an occasional win, but if they're a bit shit compared to the other teams, they're a bit shit! Everyone's always whinging and moaning and expecting "little johnny" to be scouted by one of the big boys.

Anyway, I'm just schticking to da plan...

 

[City Hobgoblin]

Just tell them how Messi's dad was forbidden from discussing his progress or asking if he'd won or scored when he was being educated and developed at Barca, and how it did him no harm.

 

[WestGorton]

I did it for ten years. I have not been through any of the posts. The respect barrier with all parents on one side works. If a player or parent complained they were let go and subs refunded. Every player should get 60 per cent on the pitch via revolving subs apart from the goalkeeper or a budding Phil Foden because they pay subs.