Things your missus does that drive you to despair

Some others I've experienced:

1. You're not allowed to be ill. It's completely forbidden and absolutely no sympathy or assistance will be provided. However, she gets the slightest fucking sniffle and its advanced cancer and you're expected to turn into Florence Nightingale.

2. Buying things we don't need because they 'were on offer'. They then go in a draw / cupboard never to be seen again. Beyond words.

3. Expecting flowers and other such nonsense 'because it's romantic'. Grow up you silly ****, this isn't a Mills and Boon novel.

4. Having, without doubt, the hardest, most stressful job on the planet, when in reality she's never done a proper day's graft in her life.

5. Telling you what you should wear for a 'do' because, get on this, it will 'match' what she's wearing. Mind boggling.
 
When you say you're off out and all of a sudden they want to spend time with you when you know full well its gonna be the same as every other night.

I had a particular instance in the past, like so;

"I'm off out on Friday for a few pints"

- no you aren't, I want to spend time with you.

At this point I took objection and said that we spend a lot of time together and she tried to play it off that she was joking, but she wasn't happy when I pointed out that she was absolutely testing the fucking waters and wouldn't have said she was joking if I went along with it.
 
inchy14 said:
No man married or living with a woman who's had kids is allowed any sort of pain without the immortal line..............

"You don't know pain until you've experienced child birth"

All the fucking time.
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Tell her she's full of shit. Tell her child birth can in no way shape or form be more painful than a kick in the balls.

When she argues the fact, tell her you know loads of blokes that have been kicked in the balls & not one of them has EVER wanted another.......
 
Magicpole said:
After reading through all of these things and being a victim of most of them I decided fuck it, I'm packing a bag.

It didn't take long to realise there is nowhere to go as they are all carbon copies of truly annoying bastards, every single one.

I also agree with the poster who said his list is probably not unsubstantial, as would mine be.

Ah well.

Did I mention mine also leaves a freshly used teabag on the worktop beside the sink. The bin is literally on the way out the kitchen. How can that be possible? No matter how many times I point it out. Between her and my cat no **** pays the slightest bit of notice to my issues.
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Mate do you want to house share after reading this I've come to the same conclusion, I mean how the fuck can you trust anything that bleeds for 4 days and doesn't die.
 
I go on a night out, short of waterboarding, she interrogates me about every minute detail. This happens three times.

1. The build up to the night out.
2. The second my key enters the lock when I'm pissed.
3. The morning after.

I swear it's the cross examination technique like I'll slip up on a detail and she suss the entire plan.

She says she's going on a night out, I demand a tenner for an Indian, drop her off and sit down with a few stellas and a film.
 
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