Things your missus does that drive you to despair

Her pal was coming over with her baby today, so obviously a full deep clean required.

My son and four of his pals left yesterday after a two day visit where many drinks were consumed. So you can imagine my level of enthusiasm. All I had to do was Hoover the living room. Then that extended to the hall and spare bedroom. Then I had to empty the bin, it had fuck all in it, then after me knocking my pan in she gets the Hoover back out because I didn't do it properly.

It's my fault too we never remembered to take something out the freezer for dinner today.

I'm praying it doesn't fucking rain.
 
Why do women....
Order a meal that comes without chips.
Then nick some of your chips off your plate.

Holy fuck do they all do that! One ex insisted she wasn't hungry at all, ate half of my food in the pub and then complained she was hungry again. I had to get her snack bowls afterwards. I loved her dearly at the time but her rational thinking was non-existant.

Another would wear big heels with her outfit but produce flip flops from a bag halfway through the evening and change. Just wear comfortable gear!
 
Painted her nails orange yesterday, stripped it all off this morning and is now painting them blue, why?
 
We we're going to take the kids on a daytrip today, she's now decided we are staying in and having a chill out day, suits me, oh, but i also now have a tip run to do, put some stuff in the attic, some painting doing in the hall etc, I'm going to be busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest. while she sits on her arse having her chill day. but at 5 all stops, can't wait for the game later, so all is good
 
Just come back from holiday And every night we would leave the bar / restaurant we were in and walk back to the hotel. We'd go through the lobby and wait for the lift. Get in the lift and ride up to the 5th floor. Get out of the lift and walk down the corridor to our room. We would then arrive at the door and then, and only then, would she start looking for the key in her bag....
 

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