I remember when I first heard about it, all my friends were doing it and kept pestering me to have a go. I thought to myself "NO WAY I'm not doing that"...after losing several good associates to it!!
Anyway one day I'd been drinking "far too much" and I caved in to peer pressure, I remember standing up nervously, heart beating hard, hands clammy, beads of sweat beginning to form across my tensed brow. The first few jumps caused the beer to swell in my belly causing wind which I tried to hold onto (look I TRIED!!), but I was in a pagan like trance and had know idea what I was doing. This Poznan was clearly entering into my veins and I was beginning to like it....
After twenty so leaps I didn't give a shit about my normal upper stiff lipped life style anymore and indeed wanted more of this Poznan drug.
Now I've lost everything I ever held dear to me in life because of "the Poznan", every time I see a crowd I can't help myself. I've lost my career as a Crown Court Judge....I saw the bench and the jury opposite me and immediately started to do the "Poznan" turning my back and jumping up and down whilst gripping the short hand typist next to me, well the deceased victims barrister was not impressed one bit.
My wife is filing for divorce because of my Poznan addiction, I have to agree "it was a tad disrespectful attempting to get Mrs Smith doing it, especially as it was her late husbands funeral, the vicar hasn't spoken to me since!!!
Any queue or crowd and she would watch with great embarrassment as I turned my back grabbed onto the next person and started to leap up and down, the restaurant was a bad one and only surpassed by the lottery queue in my local Tesco's.....that's if you're ignoring the 3 days I spent in the USA immigrations department for the passport control que thing.
The village carnival went by last Saturday whilst I was on a pair of step ladders cleaning out my gutters.......and I spent two nights in my local hospital with concussion!!
I've been to three therapists and the good news is that I'm finely learning to cope and understand this "Poznan", in fact I've not done it now for nearly 4 days.
Everyday is an uphill battle but I'm stronger now and I seem to have it under......whoops, sorry that's my door bell....I'll just take a quick peep out of the front window to see who it is......Holy shit, It's the local group of Mormoms...I...I.....mUssssssssT REEEs...ist!!...