United thread 2018/19

[Dreadzone]

Please say this is true!

 

[citytilllidie]

Never get bored of that face.

Never.

Gormless lump

 

[Onholiday(somemightsay)]

Come on Jose, get that team back to Blighty and start tomorrow practising the 'low block' tactics.

Go through every scenario - If they score early, keep it tight till the second half.
Remember Liverpool hate me and will be worried.
That atmosphere they go on about will be like a library.

Don't forget the golden rules;

1. Lukaku up top (at half way line). Everyone else between 18yd box and Lukaku (half way line).
2. Walk slowly to every throw in.
3. When arriving for throw in, put ball back down and point to full back, now walking even slower.
4. Ball thrower to encroach up the sideline until ref tells him to walk back to accurate throw location.
5. At goal kicks, the keeper to take the ball to the furthest side of the 6 yard box, before passing short to a defender still stood in the box. Re-take kick.
6. Stay on the ground after every tackle. Wait for referee to ask if you need the physio, tell him you're okay, you'll try and jog it off.
7. At no stage do we want a physio on. Player has to go off, temporarily putting the defence down to 10 men. (I had to get rid of a doctor once for not knowing that rule, the daughter of a wh.re)
8. Delay all free kicks and corners by pointing at nearest defender and tell the ref that he isn't 10 yards away.
9. Ensure before making substitutions that player coming off, locates himself as far away from the bench as possible.
10. When subbed player is walking slowly off, applaud away fans, shake hands with ref and anyone else in the near vicinity.
11. Players to rotate and take it in turns to kick Salah.
12. Ensure a minimum of 3 players complains to the referee after every Liverpool foul.
13. 15 minutes to go, we bring midget off and put Fellaini up top. Start launching Hail Mary's towards Fellaini and Lukaku
14. If you feel any contact, I mean any contact at all, all players must go to ground theatrically. You never know with these referee's.
15. Okay, good luck guys. Let's do it!

Can't help but feel inspired by that........

 

[Vienna_70]

The comedy gold that is the new Stan Laurel just keeps on giving.

 

[blue b4 the moon]

Looks to me like they'll scrape by Porto on penalties

When the rags get Porto candles will be lit in dipperland.

 

[Plays By Sense Of Smell]

I'm convinced it was his lack of footballing intelligence and ability that ruined his career.

Yes, ruined his career. I guess he'll just have to settle for being an £80k per week man. ;-)

 

[Sky Blue]

Calamity Phil is football royalty. I dread the day he leaves the shit-tip. Come on Ed, sort that new 10 year contract out.

 

[remember arthur mann]

But.. he was the next Duncan Edwards when they signed him!

Edwards must have been poor !

 

[Neville Kneville]

A rag mate who lives over there, texted me to say how he was 'sitting in the sun' considering whether to bother driving the 2 hours to Valencia, to which I replied that seeing as he couldn't be arsed travelling the 30 mins to the swamp, in the last 30 years, I would doubt it.

Texted him about the Great One; **** didn't go.

Still, I'm not letting it lie.

 

[mat]

Calamity Phil is football royalty. I dread the day he leaves the shit-tip. Come on Ed, sort that new 10 year contract out.

I think he deserves his own appreciation thread. It's not very often we credit a rag.