United Thread - 2023/24

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Just watched a highights video of this kid, all i can say is that £72m buys you fuck all this summer
Highlight videos usually make average players look like world beaters.

In the highlight video I watched of him it made an average player look... erm, average.

Although he did look good at falling over at the slightest touch, so I can understand how he'd fit in at the scum.
 
To be read in Gushing BBC style

Haaland Vs Hojlund comparisons:
Well, 1st up, it’s pretty damn close on the 1st thing that springs out at you, their name. Hojlund is a little under 50% of the same letters as Haaland, but don’t let this fool you, Hojlund has a little over 50% different unique letters in his name than boring 3 ‘a’s Haaland.

Hojlund is a match for Haaland in many ways, they are both tall, they are both blonde and they are both from a Scandinavian country. Where Hojlund surpasses Haaland is that Denmark is where rock solid Schmicheal comes from, whereas Norway is the home of catastrophe imre varadi.

Let’s take some more Stats, and it’s clear that Hojlund (previous club Italian Atalanta) is well ahead of Haaland, eg for goals whilst playing in Italy, Hojlund absolutely smashes Haaland by 10:1.
Transcribing that ratio to the 23/24 season, hojlund could smash Haaland’s PL season record of goals by over 500, meaning the mythical Dixie Dean record of goals scored would also be obliterated.

In terms of career goals, Norwegian Haaland is eating the danish maestro hojlunds dust as the danish dynamo powers through with these stats:
Against Gibraltar teams 1:0
Against Slovakian teams 1:0
Against danish teams 16:2

Infact one of the few places that Haaland beats Hojlund for goals scored, is in his native Norway, but that’s an unfair comparison, as hojlund never had a football tour of Norway as a kid or teenager, so has been denied the opportunity to rip the Norwegian junior records apart.

It is clear to this reporter that the future is hojlund and that Haaland is just a blonde Darwin Nunez, and united will be back next season as they go from strength to strength under the latest new messiah ETH. Is that about right Mr Stone? When do I get a wristwatch?
 
The BBC report. Poundland Haaland career was turbocharged with a goal every other game (9 goals) whilst at the same point in his career the real Haaland had a modest season with 12 goals (goal every other game).
I'm going to give it 2 games before BBC are asking the question " is Rashford and poundland one of the all time greatest prem league partnerships, both with no goals yet but have 2+XG, exciting times for united"
 
Lol, just seen a snippet where this new world superstar says Chris Smalling is the defender who caused him the most problems. It really is laugh a minute with these clowns.
 
How long has Ten Bob been an admirer of this new striker? Is it more than one season why didnt they buy him for 2m last year!!?
Exactly, and the keeper didn't he sign for inter on a free last year, that's a quick £100mil + they could of saved with a little forward planning :-) long may it continue.
 
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