VIZ Top Tips

[MMA]

Anarchists. When smashing down the state take care not to burn down your dole office.

 

[Zuriblue]

Manchester United fans. Save money on expensive new kits by simply strapping a large fake penis to your forehead. It is now clear to all, as to your allegiance.

Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest, imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your intended destination in the first place.

 

[TonyGrealishstache]

Motorist - make sure you always break down in motorway roadworks. This way you'll benefit from the 'free recovery' provided, and avoid subscribing to expensive breakdown cover.

Not sure if its a VIZ one but it really does make sense.

 

[Danish Blue]

Avoid having to buy expensive personalised number plates by simply changing your name by depoll

Mr G587 HDR , Penzance

 

[Gazza]

Drill a hole in your fridge to check if the light really does go out when you shut the door.

OR

Librarians annoy Christians by putting the Bible in the fiction section of your library.

 

[tommyducks]

Housewives. Increase the weight of your husband's trousers by tying onions to the belt loops.

 

[TOOTS]

If you have a plan old tarmac drive way not cover it with rice crispis for that luxury graval drive effect

 

[bluereddish]

I always find it helpful to unfasten the zip at the front of my trousers before urinating. No28 Feb/Mar 1988

As adverts on TV tell us not to turn on lights if you smell gas, I find it useful to always have a candle ready for use in such emergencies. No30 June/July 1988

Can't afford contact lenses? Simply cut out small circles of cling film and press them into your eyes. No32 Oct/Nov 1988

Make your neighbours think you've had a house fire by blackening your windows with shoe polish and throwing your matresses out into the garden. No40

Next time you have a party make all your guests swallow a small plastic disc with a number on it, making sure to keep a record. If anyone vomits, you'll know who it was. No41

Make bathtime as much fun for kiddies as a visit to the seaside by pouring a bucket of sand, a bag of salt and a dog turd into the bath. No56

..........

I'll probably spend a couple of hours this weekend chuckling through random back issues. I've still got three or four years of old copies from the late 1980's

 

[bluezi]

A next door neighbour's car aerial carefully folded makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency

Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply pissing in the sink.

 

[MMA]

when talking to your enemies talk in a soft tone but carry a big stick..