Wife's Knickers stuck in the Hoover

stony said:
First time I had my hips replaced I was only 34. I had both of them done at once, and before they did the op I was in a wheelchair. A side effect of this meant I couldn't move my legs apart, or in any direction more than a couple of inches. The feeling of relief when they did the op and I could finally get some air onto my smothered knackers was almost orgasmic.
That however isn't the tale. An unfortunate side effect of not being able to move had seized all the tendons in my groin and when they came to do the operation they had to slice into the groin and free up the tendons. This part of the operation was unexpected and meant that they didn't shave me first.
So when I woke up, not only had I had a double hip replacement, I'd also had my groin sliced open, stitched and dressed.
There wasn't an issue until it came to taking off the dressing. Bear in mind I was still in agony from a double hip replacement. The nurse looked a bit sheepish, but also far too fucking amused for my liking. She explained it was an unexpected procedure and they didn't have time to shave so it might hurt a little when she took the plaster off.
Hurt was a fucking understatement. It felt as though she'd ripped my left bollock clean off. I must have leaped about 4 foot into the air whilst she stood there grinning like a fucking imbecile with what looked like a dead tarantula in her hand. I cannot begin to describe how much it hurt, I will only add that I had one completely hairless testicle that resembled an angry Phil Collins and one nurse who was struggling in vain not to laugh.
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I'm not struggling in vain not to laugh. I'm howling out loud.

I also feel for you mate.
 
stony said:
First time I had my hips replaced I was only 34. I had both of them done at once, and before they did the op I was in a wheelchair. A side effect of this meant I couldn't move my legs apart, or in any direction more than a couple of inches. The feeling of relief when they did the op and I could finally get some air onto my smothered knackers was almost orgasmic.
That however isn't the tale. An unfortunate side effect of not being able to move had seized all the tendons in my groin and when they came to do the operation they had to slice into the groin and free up the tendons. This part of the operation was unexpected and meant that they didn't shave me first.
So when I woke up, not only had I had a double hip replacement, I'd also had my groin sliced open, stitched and dressed.
There wasn't an issue until it came to taking off the dressing. Bear in mind I was still in agony from a double hip replacement. The nurse looked a bit sheepish, but also far too fucking amused for my liking. She explained it was an unexpected procedure and they didn't have time to shave so it might hurt a little when she took the plaster off.
Hurt was a fucking understatement. It felt as though she'd ripped my left bollock clean off. I must have leaped about 4 foot into the air whilst she stood there grinning like a fucking imbecile with what looked like a dead tarantula in her hand. I cannot begin to describe how much it hurt, I will only add that I had one completely hairless testicle that resembled an angry Phil Collins and one nurse who was struggling in vain not to laugh.
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Brilliant post, I like the thought of you in agony as the nurse made your bollocks look like an angry Bilbobob, I wouldnt have struggled not to laugh, i'd have been rolling around the floor crying.
 
Paul Lake's Left Knee said:
Brilliant post, I like the thought of you in agony as the nurse made your bollocks look like an angry Bilbobob, I wouldnt have struggled not to laugh, i'd have been rolling around the floor crying.
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Nurses are fucking evil. The trainee midwife who was present during the birth of No1 son, giggled like a demon on crack when Elaine bit my thumb to the bone.
 
stony said:
First time I had my hips replaced I was only 34. I had both of them done at once, and before they did the op I was in a wheelchair. A side effect of this meant I couldn't move my legs apart, or in any direction more than a couple of inches. The feeling of relief when they did the op and I could finally get some air onto my smothered knackers was almost orgasmic.
That however isn't the tale. An unfortunate side effect of not being able to move had seized all the tendons in my groin and when they came to do the operation they had to slice into the groin and free up the tendons. This part of the operation was unexpected and meant that they didn't shave me first.
So when I woke up, not only had I had a double hip replacement, I'd also had my groin sliced open, stitched and dressed.
There wasn't an issue until it came to taking off the dressing. Bear in mind I was still in agony from a double hip replacement. The nurse looked a bit sheepish, but also far too fucking amused for my liking. She explained it was an unexpected procedure and they didn't have time to shave so it might hurt a little when she took the plaster off.
Hurt was a fucking understatement. It felt as though she'd ripped my left bollock clean off. I must have leaped about 4 foot into the air whilst she stood there grinning like a fucking imbecile with what looked like a dead tarantula in her hand. I cannot begin to describe how much it hurt, I will only add that I had one completely hairless testicle that resembled an angry Phil Collins and one nurse who was struggling in vain not to laugh.
Click to expand...

LOL, welcome to waxing...
 
stony said:
Nurses are fucking evil. The trainee midwife who was present during the birth of No1 son, giggled like a demon on crack when Elaine bit my thumb to the bone.
Click to expand...

I dated a nurse, everyone thinking I had a caring and nice girl (for once). She was a rum fucker and a heartless cow, the stories she would tell as well brought tears (not of joy) to the eye. She was also a complete beer monster that I struggled to keep up with.
 
Paul Lake's Left Knee said:
I dated a nurse, everyone thinking I had a caring and nice girl (for once). She was a rum fucker and a heartless cow, the stories she would tell as well brought tears (not of joy) to the eye. She was also a complete beer monster that I struggled to keep up with.
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One of my best mates married a nurse, she was a sister at the old Salford Royal. She was a fantastic girl but she scared the shit out of me. We used to meet up on a saturday when the kids were young and Elaine was working. Go out for a scran and let them go mad in the wacky warehouse. I loved having the craic with her, but she would have chewed me up and spat me out.
 
stony said:
First time I had my hips replaced I was only 34. I had both of them done at once, and before they did the op I was in a wheelchair. A side effect of this meant I couldn't move my legs apart, or in any direction more than a couple of inches. The feeling of relief when they did the op and I could finally get some air onto my smothered knackers was almost orgasmic.
That however isn't the tale. An unfortunate side effect of not being able to move had seized all the tendons in my groin and when they came to do the operation they had to slice into the groin and free up the tendons. This part of the operation was unexpected and meant that they didn't shave me first.
So when I woke up, not only had I had a double hip replacement, I'd also had my groin sliced open, stitched and dressed.
There wasn't an issue until it came to taking off the dressing. Bear in mind I was still in agony from a double hip replacement. The nurse looked a bit sheepish, but also far too fucking amused for my liking. She explained it was an unexpected procedure and they didn't have time to shave so it might hurt a little when she took the plaster off.
Hurt was a fucking understatement. It felt as though she'd ripped my left bollock clean off. I must have leaped about 4 foot into the air whilst she stood there grinning like a fucking imbecile with what looked like a dead tarantula in her hand. I cannot begin to describe how much it hurt, I will only add that I had one completely hairless testicle that resembled an angry Phil Collins and one nurse who was struggling in vain not to laugh.
Click to expand...
Lol
 
stony said:
First time I had my hips replaced I was only 34. I had both of them done at once, and before they did the op I was in a wheelchair. A side effect of this meant I couldn't move my legs apart, or in any direction more than a couple of inches. The feeling of relief when they did the op and I could finally get some air onto my smothered knackers was almost orgasmic.
That however isn't the tale. An unfortunate side effect of not being able to move had seized all the tendons in my groin and when they came to do the operation they had to slice into the groin and free up the tendons. This part of the operation was unexpected and meant that they didn't shave me first.
So when I woke up, not only had I had a double hip replacement, I'd also had my groin sliced open, stitched and dressed.
There wasn't an issue until it came to taking off the dressing. Bear in mind I was still in agony from a double hip replacement. The nurse looked a bit sheepish, but also far too fucking amused for my liking. She explained it was an unexpected procedure and they didn't have time to shave so it might hurt a little when she took the plaster off.
Hurt was a fucking understatement. It felt as though she'd ripped my left bollock clean off. I must have leaped about 4 foot into the air whilst she stood there grinning like a fucking imbecile with what looked like a dead tarantula in her hand. I cannot begin to describe how much it hurt, I will only add that I had one completely hairless testicle that resembled an angry Phil Collins and one nurse who was struggling in vain not to laugh.
Click to expand...

Top post I feel for you but... I would of pissed myself laughing at you also
 
Paul Lake's Left Knee said:
Just to make sure of your rum status, you married a squaddie!!
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Royal Navy,he would go ape to be called a squaddie lol,all of us dated some squaddies as plymouth is a forces city,the drinking games were really fun
As for nurses laughing it's a bit like laughing at a funeral,you know you shouldn't but can't help it
 
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