I was stood at the bar at one of ours, exchanged a bit of small talk with a young woman who was temping for us. By the following day our brief conversation had somehow been re-written as she had grabbed me by the balls, offered to perform incredible services for me if I made her job permanent. pull them off if I didnt.
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Work's Christmas do
- Thread starter kippaxwarrior
- Start date
johnny on the spot
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 19 Jul 2006
- Messages
- 24,748
About 10 years ago I was working for a law firm and we had our bash at the Town Hall. Quite a lavish black tie do.
Anyway, I ended up absolutely shedded waiting for the night bus from Piccadilly Gardens and somehow missed it. Two older women ended up taking pity on me and we shared a cab back to theirs. Wahey, I thought. Instead it turned out that they actually had taken pity on me and bundled me in another cab back home.
For reasons known only to my drunken self I jumped out at Ashton and walked home from there to Stalybridge. Outside Tameside college I got jumped by some fucking idiot who pulled a knife and went for my face on account of me apparently calling him a dickhead. Whether I did or not is anyone's guess. Anyway, I got up off the deck and he'd fucked off with my wallet. I made it as far as Stamford Park before calling an ambulance as my mouth was pissing blood from a gaping gap on one side. An emergency plastic surgery op later and I looked like the Joker meets Bilbo Baggins.
So in one night I'd gone from a black tie do, to the prospect of a milfy threesome to getting slashed in the face. Not my finest hour at all.
Anyway, I ended up absolutely shedded waiting for the night bus from Piccadilly Gardens and somehow missed it. Two older women ended up taking pity on me and we shared a cab back to theirs. Wahey, I thought. Instead it turned out that they actually had taken pity on me and bundled me in another cab back home.
For reasons known only to my drunken self I jumped out at Ashton and walked home from there to Stalybridge. Outside Tameside college I got jumped by some fucking idiot who pulled a knife and went for my face on account of me apparently calling him a dickhead. Whether I did or not is anyone's guess. Anyway, I got up off the deck and he'd fucked off with my wallet. I made it as far as Stamford Park before calling an ambulance as my mouth was pissing blood from a gaping gap on one side. An emergency plastic surgery op later and I looked like the Joker meets Bilbo Baggins.
So in one night I'd gone from a black tie do, to the prospect of a milfy threesome to getting slashed in the face. Not my finest hour at all.
peoffrey
Well-Known Member
The cliques surpassed themselves tonight. There's perhaps twenty due at the meal and three separate groups are meeting in different pubs beforehand. The girls all left to get ready at someones and head out together, the lads are playing pool and the others all leaving to go to a bar. My colleague looked disappointed when I said I wouldn't go; but I think it's pathetic. The tight knit groups will never see each other again when they move on. It's difficult to coordinate a group of that number but nobody even bothered. "Here from that time" would've helped...
In my defence, I'm a temp so I said no to the meal months back as I needed to stump cash up and I thought I'd be leaving. A couple of others have clear excuses in place already!
In my defence, I'm a temp so I said no to the meal months back as I needed to stump cash up and I thought I'd be leaving. A couple of others have clear excuses in place already!
dronefromsector7G
Well-Known Member
Years ago I went to a do and got so drunk I fondled my boss's wife's breasts and when he took exception I poured beer on his head, then pulled his drenched wig off and started pretending it was a rat by stamping on it. Then I stripped off and stuck my penis in another boss's dessert. He said no problem and just tucked in.Almost 5 pages of people saying they don't like work parties, or their colleagues, or their bosses... can people just make up some outrageous stories please otherwise this is a very anti-climatic thread.
True story
peoffrey
Well-Known Member
Drunk Phil from the post room stripping on the dance floor? His face on the Monday morning...
Told my red manager I used to think he was a twat but now I quite liked him. He took it well enough.
Told my red manager I used to think he was a twat but now I quite liked him. He took it well enough.
law74
Well-Known Member
Quite a few years ago we had our platoon Christmas do in the JRC on the Friday night, it got messy.
I had volunteered (& should have known better) to help out at the company kids Christmas party the next day.
Saturday morning and one still totally pissed L74 is given a bear suit to west to entertain the childer.
Then CSM barks STAND UP (I think there were about 3 of the brats on my back at this stage), HRH Prince Andrew Colonel in Chief has decided to attend, he was not introduced to the vodka infused bear.
I had volunteered (& should have known better) to help out at the company kids Christmas party the next day.
Saturday morning and one still totally pissed L74 is given a bear suit to west to entertain the childer.
Then CSM barks STAND UP (I think there were about 3 of the brats on my back at this stage), HRH Prince Andrew Colonel in Chief has decided to attend, he was not introduced to the vodka infused bear.
Barcon
Well-Known Member
Years ago I went to a do and got so drunk I fondled my boss's wife's breasts and when he took exception I poured beer on his head, then pulled his drenched wig off and started pretending it was a rat by stamping on it. Then I stripped off and stuck my penis in another boss's dessert. He said no problem and just tucked in.
True story
Was it angel delight? I don't blame you one bit if it was.
dronefromsector7G
Well-Known Member
Yeah why not.Was it angel delight? I don't blame you one bit if it was.
Barcon
Well-Known Member
Yeah why not.
Why not indeed.
Blancmange on the other hand.......
BimboBob
Well-Known Member
Why not indeed.
Blancmange on the other hand.......
Great band.