Coming home from London one time. The games all merge into one but I think it might have been the time we got relegated at West Ham. Anyway, following our usual custom, my mate and I had summat to eat from a dodgy takeaway in Walthamstow and went on Walthamstow Dogs where we stayed as long as we dared before rushing to get the last train home, which in those days was something like 23.20.
Unfortunately it was packed, and the only seats left were two in the smoking coach right at the front. Neither of us smoked, but heigh ho, we weren't for standing up all the way home. Sadly, one of the passengers insisted on smoking a pipe that by the smell must have been loaded with sweaty socks and cat shit. It was unutterably vile, and none of the windows opened. Then to add to the fun, there was this old guy, probably deaf, who wanted to tell this young girl his entire life story in an incredibly loud voice. You could probably have heard the bloke back in the guards van. Sleep, even a nap, was impossible.
For some reason the train seemed to stop at every signal post, and I'd be surprised if the average speed was above 50 mph. Eventually, we got into Stockport, where we sat for ages. At last we set off, and as we ran onto the viaduct I could hear the roar of a diesel engine, the electric that had brought us from London had obviously come off. WTF?
Anyway, peering through the dark I couldn't make out any landmarks until after what seemed like an age, we went past the old Curzon Ashton football ground. It turned out we'd been diverted to Victoria, where we arrived at something like 3-30 am, still without a wink of sleep. To add to the fun, our cars were parked near Picc, so we had to leg it across Manchester in the middle of the night. On the way I paused to puke in the gutter - I'd only had a couple of pints, but around four hours confined with that stinking pipe had probably done for me.
Got home it was getting on for 4-30. The greyhound was pleased to see me, and insisted on going for a walk. It was getting light by this time, and I eventually fell into bed about 5-15, utterly knackered.