**** your dad said

[johnmc]

My dads sayings invariably involved some called soft mick.

If I said I needed some new trainers he would say I had more trainers than soft mick. But soft mick also had more computer games, football shirts, Lego whatever. When I was young I was intrigued as who soft mick was

 

[Mrmcfc]

Me: Put kettle on
Dad: Wont fit me
Me: FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

 

[bluetonium]

I want doesn't get.

Anyone want a brew? Off you go then, coffee for me.

Look at *random thing*. Just like a mill pond.

It might have been your curry leftovers, but it was in my fridge.

I'll buy you a Twix if, this time, you can get down dog poo alley without treading in the bloody stuff.

And of course, bit topical this week but, the regular weekly game of shouting out who's dead and who is still alive, when the Dad's Army credits roll up the screen.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

According to my mum,a few years ago someone with a squint bumped into my dad whilst shopping somewhere.The guy told my dad to look where he was going,my dad apparently told him in no uncertain terms to go where he was looking...dont know if it was actually true but made me laugh when I was a kid.

 

[Mr Ed (The Stables)]

On the morning of my wedding;

Don't worry son the first 30 years are the worst and after that it's all downhill!!

 

[mad4city]

The following is a true story(we've even got the press clippings to prove it):

When my parents lived in The Bronx, back in the early Sixties, they were in a pub, when two hoodlums tried to hold it up at gunpoint. Round the pub they went, one waving the gun about and the other with an open pillow case; demanding that everybody dropped their wallets in.
Until they got to my dad.
He whipped the gun out of the fella's hand, tried to shoot him but it wasn't loaded. Soon, he and everybody else was kicking fuck out of the two theives until the cops hauled them away. Problem solved you might say.
My mother used to tell us that story when we were kids. She'd say he was treated like a hero by the entire neighbourhood for weeks afterwards.
"Were you really a hero, Dad?
"No son, I was a f**king eejit!" he'd grumble.


Another one that I often recall was whenever he'd see something of age he'd always pass the same remark:
"The fella that made that has no pains in his teeth, today."

 

[mcfcnorthstand]

just popping out for a bottle of milk, 30 year ago

 

[blue aura]

If it floats, flys, or fucks.... rent it.

 

[howiedeblue]

"Theres no fuckin boxing in that film its shit!"
after borrowing Lord of the rings from the video shop.
love ya dad