**** your dad said

Me "Dad can I have a ZX Spectrum 148k for Xmas ?"
Dad "What's one of those ? I got an orange and a walnut when I was a kid"

Of all the shite he spouted the one thing that sticks out is the Friday I left school and I respect him for this 22 years later as I've never been out of work since.
Dad "If you haven't got a job by Monday you are out on your arse ! "
 
The cemetery ones at that start.. All the same with this old one thrown in to catch people out in the car.. Has to be said in a tons of knowledge as you pass a cemetery you ain't seen before...

Dad.." this is the street where they won't bury the people who live here in that cemetery "

Me" why?"

Dad " they ain't dead yet!" (bursts into laughter)
 
DIY time when he thinks he is on a big job... Starts to struggle, scratches head looks at Job infront of him with a puzzles look and says

Dad " there is more than one way of killing a pig, than stuffing it with strawberries"

What does that shit mean?
 
"Son, never pay more than three quid for a bottle of wine".

He's also the only person I know who refers to a supermarket trolley as a 'truck'. I actually love him for this one.

On announcing that my girlfriend and I were engaged: 'Well, it were either time to shit on the pot or get off it'.
 
no day to day stupid sayings but when me and my missus told him and my mum we were engaged he did take me aside for a talk. I was dreading it was going to be THE talk, but luckily all he said was

"shes a woman so remember when you have an argument, go for the draw, its the best you can hope for"
 
The Ox said:
Me "Dad can I have a ZX Spectrum 148k for Xmas ?"
Dad "What's one of those ? I got an orange and a walnut when I was a kid"

Of all the shite he spouted the one thing that sticks out is the Friday I left school and I respect him for this 22 years later as I've never been out of work since.
Dad "If you haven't got a job by Monday you are out on your arse ! "
Click to expand...

I still get that quote today! But your dad was obviously upper class as mine just got the Orange.. No walnut!
 
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