Does death scare you?

[metalblue]

The loss of my family members? Keeps me up at night regularly.

My death? Not one bit, don't even want a funeral. Want to be cremated and scattered in some of my favourite places. Then the few people close to me to go on a massive holiday and just celebrate my life, no one to be upset.

My view on this is probably skewed though as a chronic depressive. I'd say 99% of days since my childhood I've thought about taking my own life. Even when things are going good, my mind tells me to hang myself out of the attic door or take myself off to a field where no one will find me and do myself. Thankfully, I know I'm not normal and snap myself out of it. I find being open about these thoughts with my best mate and my Mrs works for me, I'm a complex personality who those on the outside may see as a high flyer or come to for advice. In reality, I'm one of, if not the most fucked up person I've met.

Some of the most successful people are, it’s called imposters syndrome or something similar.

 

[BlueHammer85]

He shouldn’t be in pain. Thats a failure in your dads palliative care.

he has refused going hospice and felt the nurses were to rough with him so they was cancelled - so leaving it to my step mum who's not qualified for all this, not great.
he is high on medication which helps but every time he tries to sit up or move he is in agony.
he has thrush and can't swallow hardly anything, also has lost his vision. final days and hopefully will be out of all this as it's taking its toll for sure on us and step mum.

 

[metalblue]

he has refused going hospice and felt the nurses were to rough with him so they was cancelled - so leaving it to my step mum who's not qualified for all this, not great.
he is high on medication which helps but every time he tries to sit up or move he is in agony.
he has thrush and can't swallow hardly anything, also has lost his vision. final days and hopefully will be out of all this as it's taking its toll for sure on us and step mum.

Is he on a syringe driver mate? Have the increased dose etc? Not sure how your community palliative team work down your way.

I hope he has a peaceful death.

 

[Onholiday(somemightsay)]

watching my dad go through the final stages of terminal cancer, seeing the pain he is currently is. is something i wouldn't wish on anyone.

That's horrible mate - feel for you

 

[oakiecokie]

At my age I`m just glad to wake up in a morning. ;)

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

watching my dad go through the final stages of terminal cancer, seeing the pain he is currently is. is something i wouldn't wish on anyone.

I’ve just been through similar with my Grandma. She died yesterday.

We managed to control her pain and death. It doesn’t make you feel much better at the time, but looking back with hindsight, it’s the best thing we could have done for her.

Hope you can get your dad to a similar ending, should this be it.

 

[mackenzie]

I’ve just been through similar with my Grandma. She died yesterday.

We managed to control her pain and death. It doesn’t make you feel much better at the time, but looking back with hindsight, it’s the best thing we could have done for her.

Hope you can get your dad to a similar ending, should this be it.

Sorry to hear that. I know from your posts you were close to her and with her a lot in these last few months.
And you're right; pain free (or as much as possible) and dignity with loved ones close is all any of us should wish for.

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

Sorry to hear that. I know from your posts you were close to her and with her a lot in these last few months.
And you're right; pain free (or as much as possible) and dignity with loved ones close is all any of us should wish for.

Thanks. I always said I’d do my best for her and, whilst no doubt, I’ve made mistakes, I think she has a good a death as she could have, albeit probably a few months too late.

She got stuck in the cycle of getting infections, going to hospital (due to care home/GP/ambulance best interest guidelines), partially recovering before falling foul of the next one.

I feel for everyone that has to go through the process. It’s not easy and striking the right balance is the most important thing.

I feel the NHS system gets stuck on the best interest of a patient having to be to make them better. There comes a time when it’s exactly the opposite.

How you could write that into law, I have no idea, but nuance needs to be applied. Looking at peoples’ vital stats isn’t the be all and end all. Especially when 96.

 

[PPT]

he has refused going hospice and felt the nurses were to rough with him so they was cancelled - so leaving it to my step mum who's not qualified for all this, not great.
he is high on medication which helps but every time he tries to sit up or move he is in agony.
he has thrush and can't swallow hardly anything, also has lost his vision. final days and hopefully will be out of all this as it's taking its toll for sure on us and step mum.

Jeez fella that’s a tough one. Feel for you. I watched my old man refuse Chemo. Not good.

 

[mackenzie]

Thanks. I always said I’d do my best for her and, whilst no doubt, I’ve made mistakes, I think she has a good a death as she could have, albeit probably a few months too late.

She got stuck in the cycle of getting infections, going to hospital (due to care home/GP/ambulance best interest guidelines), partially recovering before falling foul of the next one.

I feel for everyone that has to go through the process. It’s not easy and striking the right balance is the most important thing.

I feel the NHS system gets stuck on the best interest of a patient having to be to make them better. There comes a time when it’s exactly the opposite.

How you could write that into law, I have no idea, but nuance needs to be applied. Looking at peoples’ vital stats isn’t thr be all and end all. Especially when 96.

I agree.
Thankfully my own Grandmother (who raised me) was in a nursing home.
She was in the latter stages of dementia when the doctor asked for a family meeting.
She was 88 and kept getting severe chest infections. So they gave her antibiotics etc.

Yet her quality of life was shite. So we agreed with the doctor that next time she would be given plenty of pain relief. Nothing else.

She slipped away quietly the next time. As she would have wished for.