Joke thread

[Indaparkside]

Fly on a piece of shit eating merrily when he hears buzzzzzzzzz plop. Fucking hell jim he says I’ve not seen you for a while?? No replies Jim I’ve been on the sick.

 

[BimboBob]

Another 'What's the difference...'

A Market trader and a Dachshund?
One bawls out his wares.

Wawls out his bares doesn't make sense.

 

[Ancient Citizen]

Wawls out his bares doesn't make sense.

I'm sure you're joshing here ;)

Here's another...
A policeman's truncheon and a trapeze artist...

 

[Manchester33]

Q: What's pink, wrinkly, shrivelled and belongs to Grandad.




A: Grandma

 

[Indaparkside]

Q: What's pink, wrinkly, shrivelled and belongs to Grandad.




A: Grandma

Peppa

 

[Blue Mist]

I'm sure you're joshing here ;)

Here's another...
A policeman's truncheon and a trapeze artist...

Ergh you can hit black people with a truncheon but you cant with a trapeze artist ?

 

[crazyg]

You know the song "3 kois in a fountain "

What a load of carp.

 

[KS55]

Whats the difference between a City supporter and a pie at Old Toilet?
Ones a real Manc...

Yes, I know, but at least I made it up.

 

[mj2017]

Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

 

[DrBlueBob]

Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

She's so fat she was born on April 4th ...& 5th & 6th.
Copyright "The comedians" circa early '70's

 

[DrBlueBob]

A duck goes into the job centre looking for work. Guy behind the desk thinks wow a talking duck. So he says have you tried the circus?
Why? Are they looking for plasterers?

 

[Big Swifty]

Difference between Victoria Beckham and a counterfeit dollar bill?

One's a phoney buck......all right then, substitute Meghan for Victoria and it works just as well. Or Duchess of Cambridge. Or Audrey Roberts. Or........

 

[Blue Mist]

Difference between Victoria Beckham and a counterfeit dollar bill?

One's a phoney buck......all right then, substitute Meghan for Victoria and it works just as well. Or Duchess of Cambridge. Or Audrey Roberts. Or........

Difference between Audrey Roberts and Victoria Beckham ?, nah mate it doesn't work.

 

[sir baconface]

She's so fat she was born on April 4th ...& 5th & 6th.
Copyright "The comedians" circa early '70's

And Les Dawson’s mother-in-law was so fat, when she bent over there was a total eclipse of the sun.

 

[DrBlueBob]

And Les Dawson’s mother-in-law was so fat, when she bent over there was a total eclipse of the sun.

Didn't she used to have a job kick starting jumbo jets at Heathrow?

 

[Ancient Citizen]

Ergh you can hit black people with a truncheon but you cant with a trapeze artist ?

No, one does cunning stunts.

 

[Grassland Blue]

Didn't she used to have a job kick starting jumbo jets at Heathrow?

On the beach one day, the coastguard said to her, "Excuse me love, would you mind moving back a bit, only the tide wants to come in!"

 

[Gray]

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer!

 

[Uwe Already]

Another Les one - I ran over my mother in law the other day, I would have gone round her but I didn’t have enough petrol

 

[Blue_eyes]

One of my ex girlfriends was so fat, that when we went to sunbathe at a nudist beach, greenpeace tried to drag her back out to sea!!!