Joke thread

[Mid Wales blue]

Is that a backhanded compliment?

I just thought I’d lob it in there.

 

[Cellarite]

The barm pots will think you don't have a 'stable' mind asking that pal; )

Muffin.

The City chippy on Claremont Road, the Maine Road chippy opposite the Etihad, Tony's Stadium chippy, Roy's Rolls on Coro.

Game, set and match.

Barm.

 

[yeseye]

 

[Barcon]

@nimrod

How about a few jokes?

 

[Xhavenjoe]

An Irishman, an Englishman, a gorgeous looking buxom blonde, and a little old lady share a carriage on a train.
Train enters a tunnel and the carriage goes completely dark. There's a loud SLAP then the train emerges from the tunnel with the English guy looking sheepish and a big red welt on his face.

The little old lady thinks "That English guy tried his luck with the blonde in the darkness and got a right good smack for his troubles"

The buxom blonde thinks "That English guy probably thought he was touching me and touched the little old lady instead and got a right good smack for his troubles"

The English guy thinks "That Irishman tried his luck with the blonde in the dark, she thought it was me and I ended up with a right good smack as a result of it"

The Irish guy thinks "I can't wait for the next tunnel so I can smack that English c*nt again"

 

[PannickAtTheDisco]

An Irishman, an Englishman, a gorgeous looking buxom blonde, and a little old lady share a carriage on a train.
Train enters a tunnel and the carriage goes completely dark. There's a loud SLAP then the train emerges from the tunnel with the English guy looking sheepish and a big red welt on his face.

The little old lady thinks "That English guy tried his luck with the blonde in the darkness and got a right good smack for his troubles"

The buxom blonde thinks "That English guy probably thought he was touching me and touched the little old lady instead and got a right good smack for his troubles"

The English guy thinks "That Irishman tried his luck with the blonde in the dark, she thought it was me and I ended up with a right good smack as a result of it"

The Irish guy thinks "I can't wait for the next tunnel so I can smack that English c*nt again"

racist.

 

[Indaparkside]

Guy sitting in the doctors office when the doctor walks in, I’m afraid I have some bad news said the doc you’ll have to stop masterbating why says the patient, cos i’m trying to examine you replies the doctor

 

[Bill Walker]

@nimrod

How about a few jokes?

Today the bank manager asked me if I was getting anywhere with my new trouser business?
Great strides have been made ,I said

 

[Bill Walker]

Did you know before the crowbar was invented
Most crows drank at home?

 

[RadcliffeRick]

As me and the wife headed off on a romantic holiday we talked about what kinky things we'd like to do with each other. She said, "I've always wanted to be handcuffed." So I planted a kilo of coke in her suitcase