Joke thread

[aguero93:20]

Pizza; chav's grub. And cheese is Satan's invention.

Good lad that Satan fellow so.

 

[ccr]

A teacher in class notices a little puddle below Suzie's chair.
"Ah, Suzie, why didn't you put your hand up?"
"I did, Miss, but it just ran through me fucking fingers."

So the teacher says "You will have to go home, your brother Johnny will take you "
On the way Johnny says " Whats wrong ?"
"I can't tell you!"
"Course you can, i'm your brother "
"Well I'm bleeding, down there"
"Lets have a look"
"NO"
"Go on remember i'm your brother "
So she drops her underwear and shows him
"There's your problem" says Johnny "Someones cut your willy off "

 

[jimharri]

So the teacher says "You will have to go home, your brother Johnny will take you "
On the way Johnny says " Whats wrong ?"
"I can't tell you!"
"Course you can, i'm your brother "
"Well I'm bleeding, down there"
"Lets have a look"
"NO"
"Go on remember i'm your brother "
So she drops her underwear and shows him
"There's your problem" says Johnny "Someones cut your willy off "

Our Scottish posters might describe that as a gash joke.

 

[maccieblue]

Aye it ain't very fanny

 

[Tanzeylee]

My wife asked me where I'd like to be buried?
Apparently "balls deep in your sister" wasn't the answer she was expecting.

 

[tshirtman]

Book of Revelations, 8:1-2 : "The world will end with trumpets"

God: "No, I said the world will end with Trump/Pence"

 

[Alex the Blue]

Gentlemen, when camping and an attractive girl in the next tent says she's leaving her flaps open due to the hot weather don't assume this is an invitation to casual sex. Wish me luck, I'm in court on Monday.

 

[Vic]

Original joke seems to have lost a bit...





The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding across the plain when they see hostile Apaches to the West.

The Lone Ranger shouts "What do we do, Tonto?" And Tonto says, "We ride to the East, Kemo Sabe"

So they turn and head to the East, when another group of Apaches appear.

The Lone Ranger shouts "What do we do, Tonto?" And Tonto says, "We ride to the South, Kemo Sabe"

So they turn and head to the South, when another group of Apaches appear.

The Lone Ranger shouts "What do we do, Tonto?" And Tonto says, "We ride to the North, Kemo Sabe"

So they turn and head to the North, when another group of Apaches appear.

The Lone Ranger shouts "What do we do, Tonto?" And Tonto says, "What do you mean ‘we’, white man?”


Now then, why did the Lone Ranger wear a black belt?

 

[snorky]

Original joke seems to have lost a bit...





The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding across the plain when they see hostile Apaches to the West.

The Lone Ranger shouts "What do we do, Tonto?" And Tonto says, "We ride to the East, Kemo Sabe"

So they turn and head to the East, when another group of Apaches appear.

The Lone Ranger shouts "What do we do, Tonto?" And Tonto says, "We ride to the South, Kemo Sabe"

So they turn and head to the South, when another group of Apaches appear.

The Lone Ranger shouts "What do we do, Tonto?" And Tonto says, "We ride to the North, Kemo Sabe"

So they turn and head to the North, when another group of Apaches appear.

The Lone Ranger shouts "What do we do, Tonto?" And Tonto says, "What do you mean ‘we’, white man?”


Now then, why did the Lone Ranger wear a black belt?

Almost as good as when the Pink Panther posted it on the last page :)
Now, why did the........?

 

[Vic]

To keep his trousers up.