The language of management BS

johnnytapia said:
Slightly tangential but in a similar managerial bullshit / bollocks vein:
I once worked for a bloke who insisted upon wearing two watches.
“I need to always know the time and therefore cannot take the risk of my only watch not working.”

To which a fellow employee piped up: “There’s only one man who can legitimately wear two watches simultaneously:

And you sure as fuck aren’t General H Norman Schwarzkopf. “

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They've got one of Stormin' Norman's uniforms on display at the IWM North.
 
CTID1988 said:
I quit my job the day my manager said we needed to "take a jump into the thought tank together and have a swim"
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Did exactly the same but I was more disturbed by him entering the office in a pair of Speedos plus flippers goggles and a snorkel
 
@TinFoilHat Many thanks for raising the profile of this important and pertinent issue to the wider populace. This is a most worrisome situation that has facilitated the possibility of open and honest debate around this subject.
This is worthy of a breakout quorum where, hopefully, consensus can be achieved. Failing that, we could perhaps invite you to share some more of your experiences with the group in order for us all to get a full and complete grasp of the size of the problem that, as you have so forcefully suggested, requires debate with a view of achieving common acceptance of what is the norm for communication format moving forward from this juncture.
We value the opportunity of starting the issue review process off from this point, hopefully gaining some traction and input from other valued members of this esteemed caucus.
Please feel empowered to add your thoughts and opinions at any time. This opportunity is also extended to any other participant on this excellent electronic medium that is Blue Moon Forum.
 
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blumoonrisen said:
It's an environment I wouldn't last 5 mins in. Going to work and wearing a tie, arsing about on a computer in an office, team bonding, meeting targets, or whatever it is they do, answering to some oddball who attempts to motivate etc..
So glad I chose the building trade where I work for myself, answer to no-one and have a laugh with mainly normal people and proper blokes.
Get a trade is still the best advice to give anyone.
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Oh i dont know its catching up to you guys too, my sisters builder said he had the wrong type of bricks the other day and i said is that builder speak for leaves on the line.
 
RadcliffeRick said:
@TinFoilHat Many thanks for raising the profile of this important and pertinent issue to the wider populace. This is a most worrisome situation that has facilitated the possibility of open and honest debate around this subject.
This is worthy of a breakout quorum where, hopefully, consensus can be achieved. Failing that, we could perhaps invite you to share some more of your experiences with the group in order for us all to get a full and complete grasp of the size of the problem that, as you have so forcefully suggested, requires debate with a view of achieving common acceptance of what is the norm for communication format moving forward from this juncture.
We value the opportunity of starting the issue review process off from this point, hopefully gaining some traction and input from other valued members of this esteemed caucus.
Please feel empowered to add your thoughts and opinions and any time. This opportunity is also extended to any other participant on this excellent electronic medium that is Blue Moon Forum.
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ok lets put a pin in that and circle back to it when we are all on the same page and pulling in the same direction to meet a common goal.
 
A good few years ago I was in a meeting and this fully fledged paid up member of business bullshit kept going on about KPI’s.

I said, “I know you like your KPI’s Mike but what about the KPN’s?”

He looked at me quizzically and said:

“What do me mean KPN’s?”

I replied

“Peanuts”

Everyone bar Mike laughed

My card was marked

I was out of that department pretty quickly after that and “left” the company not much later.
 
blumoonrisen said:
It's an environment I wouldn't last 5 mins in. Going to work and wearing a tie, arsing about on a computer in an office, team bonding, meeting targets, or whatever it is they do, answering to some oddball who attempts to motivate etc..
So glad I chose the building trade where I work for myself, answer to no-one and have a laugh with mainly normal people and proper blokes.
Get a trade is still the best advice to give anyone.
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Back in the day:

Collar
Tie
Suit from Burton’s
Wedding ring
Briefcase
Broadsheet newspaper
Tupperware box with sandwiches or pasta
2.4 kids
Ford Mondeo
New Build house
2 weeks holiday in the South of France camping
Video camera

God, I despised those fuckers especially those I was sharing a train with. They’d constantly get on their phones barking out orders to their staff, you knew full well they wouldn’t act like that face to face.

Then when someone rang them it was:

“I’ll have to call you back John as I’m on a train to London and line isn’t great”.

Just to let people know how important they were visiting the shit hole metropolis.
 
What annoyed me most was that over time all autonomy was removed. (It's the autonomy that makes a job worthwhile. The ability to use your initiative to solve problems and help people. Of course, it does rely on employees having a brain.)

By the time I finished, I felt like a glorified clerk. Life was made up of ticking off checklists and obeying orders from on high, many of which were fucking absurd. It was like a surreal game, not work as I knew it when I was younger. No one, and I mean no one, was happy and I believe this atmosphere contributes to the growing incidence of mental health issues. The modern office has become pathogenic.

Most employers don't care. They know that as long as they can avoid lawsuits, they can safely dump their burned-out employees onto the state's tab.
 
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