Joke thread

[SCEtoAUX]

My wife got put straight through to the quarter finals of the WI breadmaking knockout. Her loaf was seeded.

 

[KS55]

I wanted a career that combined my love of music and travel - so I've just started a job as an ice cream man!

My wife loves those ice lollies with ice cream in the middle. She often lets me have a lick of her mivvi.

 

[noseve]

What's the safest thing to do when an elephant comes into the room?

Swim for your life...

 

[RadcliffeRick]

What's the safest thing to do when an elephant comes into the room?

Swim for your life...

Is that a followon from What comes in gallons?

 

[Zuriblue]

 

[jimharri]

I notice that, although @Lavinda Past hasnt posted on here in nearly 3 months, his standard of wit and humour, is being maintained. It's a fitting tribute to the king of the joke thread.

 

[noseve]

Two dwarves arguing as they walk up the path:

"I bloody did, I tell you"

"That's rubbish, and you know it"

"You're just jealous - I know I did it"

"Bollocks, did you"

... and so it goes on. Eventually they reach the door and knock.

Mother Superior answers and the first dwarf asks "Good morning, Sister - tell me, do you have any 3-foot tall nuns in this convent?"

"No, we don't"

"I told you", screamed the second dwarf, triumphantly, "you've just fucked a penguin!"

 

[sir baconface]

I notice that, although @Lavinda Past hasnt posted on here in nearly 3 months, his standard of wit and humour, is being maintained. It's a fitting tribute to the king of the joke thread.

Thank you for this heart-felt accolade. I’m sure we all feel humble.

 

[sir baconface]

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

I notice that, although @Lavinda Past hasnt posted on here in nearly 3 months, his standard of wit and humour, is being maintained. It's a fitting tribute to the king of the joke thread.

Is he banned?
Has he boycotted the thread?
Has he exhausted his repertoire?
Has the new joke book not arrived in the post yet?
What could possibly be the explanation for his absence?

 

[kippaxneil]

I went to the local tip yesterday and when I got there one of the refuse workers was sat quietly with his head in his hands.
I thought, he looks a bit down in the dumps.

 

[roman totale]

I went to the local tip yesterday and when I got there one of the refuse workers was sat quietly with his head in his hands.
I thought, he looks a bit down in the dumps.

That was rubbish.

 

[Really_here]

 

[Really_here]

 

[Really_here]

 

[Really_here]

 

[Really_here]

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[bluemoon32]