Joke thread

I phoned Heart FM today, to enter their mystery prize competition.
The presenter answered and said, "Congratulations on being our first caller, all you need to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our Mystery Grand Star Prize'
11
"That Fantastic!" I called out in delight.
"Feel Confident?" The presenter asked, "It's a
Geography Question."
"Well, I've got a degree in Geography from Salford University," | proudly replied, "and I've taught Geography to A level students for the last 10 years"
"Ok then, to win our grand prize of 2 VIP tickets to a Liverpool game and to meet the players after the game, what is the capital of France?"
"Bradford", I replied.
 
Young woman goes into the tatto shop and asks for a portrait of Elvis on her inner thigh, after removing her skirt and panties the tattooist goes to work when he's finished the woman isn't happy so he does another portrait of Elvis on the other inner thigh, the woman is still not happy and refuses to pay, so tattooist says I'll grab the first person off the street and if they don't recognise Elvis the tattoos are free. A little old lady is walking past the shop so the tattooist asks her to take a look at the tattoos and tell me who they are, the young woman spreads her legs an the little old lady takes a good look, after several minutes she turns to the tattooist and says, I don't know who the twins are but the one in the middle is Keir Starmer.
 
BackofJeanette said:
I phoned Heart FM today, to enter their mystery prize competition.
The presenter answered and said, "Congratulations on being our first caller, all you need to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our Mystery Grand Star Prize'
11
"That Fantastic!" I called out in delight.
"Feel Confident?" The presenter asked, "It's a
Geography Question."
"Well, I've got a degree in Geography from Salford University," | proudly replied, "and I've taught Geography to A level students for the last 10 years"
"Ok then, to win our grand prize of 2 VIP tickets to a Liverpool game and to meet the players after the game, what is the capital of France?"
"Bradford", I replied.
Click to expand...
I won second prize - 4 tickets!
 
BackofJeanette said:
Young woman goes into the tatto shop and asks for a portrait of Elvis on her inner thigh, after removing her skirt and panties the tattooist goes to work when he's finished the woman isn't happy so he does another portrait of Elvis on the other inner thigh, the woman is still not happy and refuses to pay, so tattooist says I'll grab the first person off the street and if they don't recognise Elvis the tattoos are free. A little old lady is walking past the shop so the tattooist asks her to take a look at the tattoos and tell me who they are, the young woman spreads her legs an the little old lady takes a good look, after several minutes she turns to the tattooist and says, I don't know who the twins are but the one in the middle is Keir Starmer.
Click to expand...
Variation (before the concept of Brazilians existed) was black woman having her two favourite boxers tattooed:

"I don't know that one, and I don't know that one - but that's definitely Frank Bruno in the middle!"
 
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