Joke thread

[ColinBellsjockstrap]

I had a job interview today. The interviewer gave me three categories that she wanted me to ask questions on.

The first category was their company, so I just asked how many employees they have.

The second category was myself, so I just asked what key skill I'd need most for the job.

The third category was current affairs. The lady looked at me like I was a right weirdo when I asked if she thought my girlfriend will find out that I'm sleeping with the next door neighbour.

 

[Sam101]

Henry Winkler get on a plane and an air stewardess asks him:

"Would you like some headphones?"

And Henry replies:

"That would be delightful but it's pronounced Fonz."

 

[sir baconface]

A message for the festive season.

 

[chris63]

What did one ocean say to the other ocean ?
nothing, they both waved...

 

[hallsteve62]

What did one ocean say to the other ocean ?
nothing, they both waved...

Fuck me. Have you opened your Xmas crackers early? ; )

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

 

[chris63]

Fuck me. Have you opened your Xmas crackers early? ; )

Haha. Typical cracker joke.
Plenty more to come: )

 

[SamTheGuru]

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?

He stayed up all night wondering whether there really is a dog.

;)

 

[NPBlue]

Haha. Typical cracker joke.
Plenty more to come: )

What is the fastest underwear in the world?

Hondapants.

 

[NPBlue]

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?

He stayed up all night wondering whether there really is a dog.

;)

Have you heard about the dyslexic pimp?

He bought a warehouse.

 

[SamTheGuru]

Have you heard about the dyslexic pimp?

He bought a warehouse.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

 

[dickie davies]

I once saw a sticker on the back of a car which read

"Dyslexics of the world untie"

 

[ESP Blue]

We got the Boxing in here ?

 

[noseve]

Having a crappy morning. This popped up in my sidebar and 2 minutes later I feel a lot better, so just thought I'd share it:

 

[noblelord]

 

[bladdered]

 

[BrianW]

What do you call a Scouser in a suit?

The wrongly accused, who is entirely innocent and unjustly persecuted by the Establishment.

 

[Three_Hat-tricks]

The wife's been going on about reincarnation recently.
Today she asked me what I'd like to come back as.
"A dog."
"Why's that?"
"So I don't get strange looks when I lick my testicles."

 

[Uwe Already]

I went for a Christmas lunch yesterday and amazingly, my serviette started singing “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…”Yes, it was…

Napkin Cole!

 

[Paul Moulden's Golden Balls]

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