Joke thread

[Sam101]

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

Said no married man ever.

Only because we are all scared of the wife : )

 

[johnnytapia]

Only because we are all scared of the wife : )

Scarred

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

Scarred

So she heard you then : )

 

[Casey69]

Not heard that one before, but it must be an old one , given that the event happened almost 60 years ago.

I was 13 at the time, now a living antique !

 

[dronefromsector7G]

My neighbour had the Astro turf stolen from his garden last night. I saw him outside today looking forlorn.

 

[Sam101]

 

[chris63]

The great late Les Patterson

 

[Blue Mist]

This isnt a joke but it HAS to be in here.
Members of the Rolling Stones including Mick Jagger have objected to a 29 storey block of apartments being built on the River Thames.

Jagger said the tower "made no sense" and was "totally wrong on every level".

I assume he saw the developers plans :- )

 

[Mancity1980]

Not a joke but the funniest YouTube clip I have seen in ages. Scouse son winding up his dad, enjoy:

 

[Blue Mist]

Not a joke but the funniest YouTube clip I have seen in ages. Scouse son winding up his dad, enjoy:

It might be funny if they werent talking like gerbils on helium

 

[Mancity1980]

It might be funny if they werent talking like gerbils on helium

That’s part of what makes it funny!

 

[Dicko69]

It might be funny if they werent talking like gerbils on helium

Im willing to bet my house that no one in that household has worked a day in their lives.

 

[NPBlue]

I got home tonight and saw a bloke stealing my gate.

I didn't say anything in case he took offence.

 

[noseve]

View attachment 191921

Wish I could like that twice! :->

 

[tweety]

It might be funny if they werent talking like gerbils on helium

Need to start watching the Harry Enfield Scouser vids again.

 

[horlock_was_super]

I got home tonight and saw a bloke stealing my gate.

I didn't say anything in case he took offence.

I remember Les Dawson telling this joke and pissing myself laughing - so thank you for a happy memory :)

 

[East Level 2]

This isnt a joke but it HAS to be in here.
Members of the Rolling Stones including Mick Jagger have objected to a 29 storey block of apartments being built on the River Thames.

Jagger said the tower "made no sense" and was "totally wrong on every level".

I assume he saw the developers plans :- )

Didn't Jagger sing about living on the 99th floor of his block? Can't see a 29 storey tower interrupting his view.

 

[sir baconface]

I remember Les Dawson telling this joke and pissing myself laughing - so thank you for a happy memory :)

Les was of the very best comedians ever, in my book. Articulate, original, rubbery face and the very epitome of contemporaneous Northern humour.

Not yet seen any modern comic fit to lace his boots, especially those of political or painfully woke bias.

Apologies for a mild diversion; this is supposed to be a joke forum.

 

[Paul Moulden's Golden Balls]

This isnt a joke but it HAS to be in here.
Members of the Rolling Stones including Mick Jagger have objected to a 29 storey block of apartments being built on the River Thames.

Jagger said the tower "made no sense" and was "totally wrong on every level".

I assume he saw the developers plans :- )

They of all people should know you cant always get what you want.