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A monkey and a pride of lions lived in adjacent sections of the African plains. The monkey would come over every day and make fun of the alpha male who would just keep his head down. The lioness would sometimes say, "I'll catch and kill that monkey", but the lion would not agree to it. The...

A tourist was on holiday in Transylvania and late one evening he decided to go for a walk in the local park. He hadn't gone far when he heard a noise from some nearby bushes. He was about to investigate but before he could do so, a man with elongated, blood stained incisor teeth sprung out. He...

A guy arrives home from work at 6.00pm after finishing a 12 hour shift at the factory and sees half a ton of coal piled up on the pavement outside. He goes indoors and there's his wife, his daughter and his daughter's boyfriend watching television. "You idle sods", he says, "we all knew that the...

An old cowboy goes into the barber shop for a shave. He tells the barber, “I’m lookin for a clean shave. All these wrinkles on my face from old age, the sun and the wind, I haven’t had a close, clean shave in years.” The barber hands him a wooden ball and says, “Stick this in your cheek, like a...

Three complete strangers, a Welshman, a Scotsman and an Irishman meet up in the waiting room of a Harley Street physician. All three guys were in their mid 20s and after talking among themselves while waiting to be seen, they discovered they all suffered from the same condition - very bad...

In the park there were two naked stone statues, a male and a female, who'd stood facing one another for over one hundred years. One day an angel came down and spoke to them. The angel said that as they'd stood on their plinths, through all kinds of weather during their lifetime, she would allow...

In the backwoods of Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Ol' John decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge and into the wind he goes...

A horse is in the pub having a few when he spots a donkey in the corner. He nips over to have a natter and the donkey asks, "What did you do for a living?" The horse says, " I ran on the flat in the summer and over the jumps in the winter", The donkey says, "I worked with the kids on Blackpool...

BREAKING NEWS: Ivan Toney has denied that the recent betting allegations cost him a place in the England squad and states that he is gutted he won't be involved in Monday's 2-2 draw with Iran.

A man starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this, a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show the others who's boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employer won't be best pleased; he disposes of the...