Dear Deidre,
A short while ago I had a romance with an olive skinned foreigner with a scarf fetish.
He always had to have his own way, even to the point of saying that he wanted to slap me in the face (and, whatsmore, eating all the red fruit pastilles), but I was a sucker for his charm.
We eventually lost contact and he wrote me a note (funnily enough on entirety of page 23 of the local newspaper) saying that he would never forget me, and a picture of his flowing locks and some silverware that – according to my neighbours, who are mouthy bastards – he ‘stole’ from them.
Should I write a letter back ? Which newspaper shall I write it in ? Actually, what’s the name of that pink one (it'll remind him of the colour of my mangina) ?
Yours needily,
Bell.
