Away ground 'TOILET' comedy gold stories...

[Lancet Fluke]

You can't just cack in your pants and hope it goes away.

I think we can all agree that this is invaluable advice that we should all bear in mind at all times.

 

[@BluePhil8]

Bit of long one , but bear with me....

Many years ago me and an old bird were in Cape Town and we met this cape coloured dude who offered to show us around the Khayelitsha township for the day. Not the sort of place for a blond bird and ginger nut to be wandering around in those days.
This fella picks us up in one of them bedford rascals and we head off deep into the township and he is explaining the different areas, where the coloureds live and where the blacks live etc
At this point we are driving around this place that looked like Benchill after a nuclear explosion when the Mrs suddenly declares she is touching cloth, drawing mud and about to explode in her knickers. There are no public toilets in the Cape Flats...trust me on that one.
Our "guide" declares no worries, stops the bedford rascal, jumps out and knocks on door of this shack and explains to the coloured family that a bird from England would like to use their facillities. They invite us all in and the mrs disappears out the back, whilst our hosts make a cup of tea and produce a choccy cake. Meanwhile all we can all hear is the misses farting and thrutching through the corrugated iron walls. I nearly died trying not to laugh....it went on for fucking ages I can tell u. Anyway she re emerges and no one bats an eyelid and we have a brew and slice of cake and spent about 2 hours there, before they took us to the local Shebeen for a few scoops.

Imagine that kind of hospitality in Wythenshawe.

PMSL

 

[ellan_vannin]

[/quote]PMSL[/quote]

A little worrying bearing in mind this thread.....

 

[Didsbury Dave]

Again, I have to take the thread a little off track after that gem, Buford.

I was once at an ACR gig in Manchester about 20 odd years ago.

The bogs were swimming in piss like you describe. There was a pissed up lad in there leaning against the wall. His feet just shot away from under him and he fell sideways, at high velocity, to splashdown in the piss-ocean.

Me and my mate were tripping. Oh we laughed till it hurt.

 

[BillyMC]

PMSL[/quote]

A little worrying bearing in mind this thread.....[/quote]

As long as he had a pair of socks and followed the emergency drill described by Geoff he should be ok.

 

[Fried Onions]

Epic thread, too many classics to pinpoint just the one.

I know I've had the 'going home commando' scenario, just can't quite remember where and when.

The open air bogs at The Den were a miserable sight, with mould and all sorts growing on the pisswall.

 

[m27]

I was reliably informed last weekend that a certain England cricketer, having been caught short and being in a rush to catch his flight AND being on crutches, had a shit in a passport photo booth in an airport as it was closer than any of the toilets.

The same cricketer was also thrown off a plane for pissing himself once.

 

[BillyMC]

Talking about urban myths and legends...the old one about Her Majesty the Queen dropping a turd whilst on board the Royal Yacht Britannia...team of Royal Navy frogdivers intercepted the aformentioned royal log, before drying it out and varnishing it. It was then mounted on a plaque in the officers mess.......make your own mind up about that one!

Kind of defeats the old adage that you cant polish a turd...clearly in this case you can.

 

[Chipmeister]

Bit of long one , but bear with me....

Many years ago me and an old bird were in Cape Town and we met this cape coloured dude who offered to show us around the Khayelitsha township for the day. Not the sort of place for a blond bird and ginger nut to be wandering around in those days.
This fella picks us up in one of them bedford rascals and we head off deep into the township and he is explaining the different areas, where the coloureds live and where the blacks live etc
At this point we are driving around this place that looked like Benchill after a nuclear explosion when the Mrs suddenly declares she is touching cloth, drawing mud and about to explode in her knickers. There are no public toilets in the Cape Flats...trust me on that one.
Our "guide" declares no worries, stops the bedford rascal, jumps out and knocks on door of this shack and explains to the coloured family that a bird from England would like to use their facillities. They invite us all in and the mrs disappears out the back, whilst our hosts make a cup of tea and produce a choccy cake. Meanwhile all we can all hear is the misses farting and thrutching through the corrugated iron walls. I nearly died trying not to laugh....it went on for fucking ages I can tell u. Anyway she re emerges and no one bats an eyelid and we have a brew and slice of cake and spent about 2 hours there, before they took us to the local Shebeen for a few scoops.

Imagine that kind of hospitality in Wythenshawe.

Fcuking class,

Makes me remember when me and the missus were travelling in Asia, enough said, she actually carried loo roll in her backpack for the moment to arrive, which was inevitable given the diet.

I just used me hand and washed it in the water bucket.............

 

[ancoats]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7gXqBpi-eI[/youtube]

hahahahhahahahahahahaha piss buck