Britains Got Talons 2012

Geordie Hoares-follows the adventures of fat geordie slappers as they get pissed around the Bigg Market.
University Challenge-gun toating oxbridge toffs take on the local metropolitan colleges in a game of survival.
Dragons Den-A new game show,where the aim is to move in with your mother in law and live under her rules.
Snatch of the day-Follow bluemooner Diadatic as he shags his way around the world.Part travelogue,part sci-fi fantasy.
 
Match Of The Day - Gary Lineker, Alan Hansen and Mark Lawrenson open a box of Swan Vestas and decide which is best.

Downton Abbey - documentary following ex Kent wicketkeeper Paul Downton as he works up the guts to propose to his girlfriend Abigail.

Little Britain - documentary following the birth of former chancellor Leon Britain's latest grandchild.

Mock the Weak - a panel of comedians take the piss out of the infirm.

How to Cook Like Heston - follow Charlton on his ranch as he shoots, skins and eats (raw) various critters.
 
My wife works in TV and when she worked in development (of new programmes) I used to come up with various hilarious suggestions for new TV shows.

One of these was 'Celebrity Fisting' which she never seemed to want to get off the ground, possibly because I would not budge on my choice of presenter for this primetime extravaganza, namely Dale Winton.

She'll regret this decision one day, mark my words.
 
The Importance Of Being Earnest - Corrie spin off see's Ernie Bishop recover from the shooting and move away to start a new life with Emily.

Play Away - follow the exploits of a man having multiple affairs.

Flashing Blade - Sean Bean gets done for exposing himself

The Godfather - documentary about a kebab shop in Burnage

Citizen Kaned - Robert Lindsay gets pissed and stoned

Only Fools and Horses - documentary about me in the bookies

Bargain Hunt - Sour Alf continues to look for value in the transfer window
 
I'm most looking forward to Coach Trip. Ian Holloway, Gary Megson and friends locked in a fun house and force fed mushrooms and ketamine.
 
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