Dealing with your partner's ex.......

[Pigeonho]

At my wits end here Blues. My mrs' ex is being a prick, basically. He sees their daughter once a week over night, usually on a Friday or a Saturday. Now last Sunday he agreed to have her Monday and Tuesday because she is poorly and has to stay off nursery. He is jobless and does fuck all, my mrs works bloody hard and literally had no-one else to ask. All seemed too good to be true. Sunday night we get a phonecall at half 11 off him. 'Sorry, I can't have meg as I have to go out for an hour'. Now whatever that hour trip was all about, it meant he couldn't have her Monday OR Tuesday so my mrs has now had to book the week off to look after Meg. A week on Friday we are due to go away for my mrs' 30th, and her ex has agreed to have Meg for that weekend. My mrs just looked at her phone this morning and low and behold there's a message saying, 'i'm not having her that weekend, its not my problem, its yours'.

I am ready to go to fucking war with this prick as he is A) hurting my mrs and B) hurting Meg who I know see as my own. I can't physically hurt him as he's had a stroke and that wouldn't be right, but all my pumped up male instincts are telling me to get this twat sorted right out.

What the fuck should I do?

 

[scowy68]

Not a lot you can do i'm afraid.It sounds as if he's jealous your Mrs has found a new life with someone else, and he probably gets some kind of twisted kick when he throws a spanner in the works, when you make plans.

Is their not another relative that could watch the little girl whilst you go away?

 

[Jim1980]

I am also in that kind of situation.

My fiance's ex is a lying prick. He used to verbally abuse her, belittle her and pretend like he was gonna hit her. I have now got that confidence she used to have back in her. The agreement was for each parent to have them one day at the weekend so each could go out. Once I became involved with her, he has all of a sudden started to work a lot of nights on a friday and saturday. My mrs then goes on facebook to see him on pictures at friends parties. When asked about this he makes all excuses up and says 'so'

He also hasnt paid any child support and left her in arrears on the mortgage and all the home bills were in his name and he refused to pay them off so when I moved in i started new bills in my name and told the companies to chase him for the debt. He is a knobhead and I feel like smacking him and the only reason I dont is because of her kids who I adore.

 

[Bigga]

Normally, I would advocate it, but telling him your stopping his parental rights as he's not being a parent, may be the only way.

I would right down in a diary about all the times he was supposed to have your [step] daughter and has let her down. Eventually, you build up an image of him, so when she does ask about him, you show her that you were protecting her from being upset all the time. I don't know if any other kind of evidence can be used, but I think this is the best way forward.

If he's bothered, he'll go to court and you will STILL have the evidence to hand.

As for your daughter, I'm afraid finding close relatives may be the only other way to help you. You should always have alternative arrangements for idiots like her ex.

That way you'll not be annoyed or stuck.

 

[Pigeonho]

Not a lot you can do i'm afraid.It sounds as if he's jealous your Mrs has found a new life with someone else, and he probably gets some kind of twisted kick when he throws a spanner in the works, when you make plans.

Is their not another relative that could watch the little girl whilst you go away?

I don't know what his problem is mate, but i'm not too sure its jealousy. He is just a spiteful, sad little man who thinks that by denying his daughter to see him, (who she dotes on by the way), he is punishing my mrs in some way. He has done it because yesterday, after my mrs having to use yet more leave to sort out meg after he let her down, she phoned him to say that if he wants to go to the meeting at school today, (which is what they had planned), he would have to make his own way. It is about 3 miles if that. She was supposed to pick him up but I said to her that if he has messed her working week up, she should tell him he has to make his own way to school and not to rely on her. He's obviously seen his arse and decided that the way to get back at her is to try to ruin our weekend away. He is a waster, never worked, necked 8 cans of Special brew a night when they were together and would get aggressive if SHE didn't have the money. If she daed to have a glass of wine him and his mates would slag her off and belittle her and call her an alky etc. She is a hard working careers advisor, comes from good stock too. Sounds awful this but i'm glad he had his stroke, he had it at 35, (he's 38 now), and it basically arose from his pathetic, special brew strewn lifestyle. 8 cans a night, I mean for fucks sake. I might go and pop his tyres on his wheelchair.

 

[MCFC Glynn]

me andd my missus have been here before aswell with her ex.

we have a son together, and debbie has two kids from a previous relationship.
Dan and Abi's dad let the kids down on so many occasions because he was spitting his dummy out about us being together. but the truth is mate it didnt really do any damage to our relationship. it just hurt the kids.

anyway my advice is what we did. we cancelled his access because he let them down so many times. he took us to court and we kept every text that he sent as evidence. we went to court. dan is 12 and abi is 9 she has autism. cafcass interviewed dan and he said he was upset his dad let him down all the time and he didnt want to see him again. and abi had to have an in depth interview conducted by a specialsit who deals with autism. anyway the judge ordered that he can see abi for one and a half hours a month. he saw her twice then the last two months he hasnt shown up at the access centre so we cancelled his access again and we have concrete proof from access centre he didnt show. anyway he is taking us to court again.

we knew he would fail and not show up so set him up to fall mate thats what we did. And abi's and dan's dad he is the scurge of society he claims jobseekers so he only pays £2.50 csa a week per child. but on the side he works. we dobbed him in many times but he keeps quiting jobs and starting new ones so he isnt caught, and the scumbag even gets legal aid because he gets jobseekers. (and works). we have to pay for our legal fee's but we aint that arsed because you cant put a price on kids and protecting them from scum like him.

And to top it off he's a Rag.

Good luck matey

 

[hackneyslim]

"He is a waster, never worked...he's 38 now"

He sounds like a real catch. You have my sympathies.

 

[mancitypj]

Hi Mate, Sorry you're having problems. I feel the issue here is that he can see that your mrs is getting on with her life with you and doing what he's doing is the only way that he can control her. Try and not let him get to you both cos if he can see it affecting you, then he'll carry on. Good Luck !

 

[tommyducks]

It's not much now, but the little girl will regard you as her true dad, and that will be the biggest reward of all. For me anyone who ducks their child support obligations is scum, and shouldn't have any rights re the kids, who are the ultimate victims.

I've no solution to the current problem, but you are just a better man, your missus and daughter know that, and in the long term you will all be much the happier for it.

 

[Balti]

You may feel like you are losing some battles but you are winning the war. He will be the ultimate loser as your family goes from strength to strength.
Rise above it mate and never show the pathetic dweeb anything but a contented (cough) united front no matter how much contempt he earns and deserves.