Dementia

I went for a hearing test the other day and found my hearing wasn’t as good as I thought it was! Wife been nagging me for ages to go and get it tested. Bloke started talking about hearing aids etc and I was like I’ll just put them in when I watch tv as that’s when I sometimes struggle.

He said no you can’t do that and have to wear them all the time (only very small nowadays apparently). He also said if you don’t deal with hearing loss, you increase your dementia risk by 30% as the brain has to use other parts to compensate for the bit that should be doing the work on hearing but that isn’t working properly.

I wasn’t aware so thought I would share on here if anyone else struggles with hearing.
 
Millwallawayveteran1988 said:
I went for a hearing test the other day and found my hearing wasn’t as good as I thought it was! Wife been nagging me for ages to go and get it tested. Bloke started talking about hearing aids etc and I was like I’ll just put them in when I watch tv as that’s when I sometimes struggle.

He said no you can’t do that and have to wear them all the time (only very small nowadays apparently). He also said if you don’t deal with hearing loss, you increase your dementia risk by 30% as the brain has to use other parts to compensate for the bit that should be doing the work on hearing but that isn’t working properly.

I wasn’t aware so thought I would share on here if anyone else struggles with hearing.
Click to expand...
My wife booked me in for a hearing test in a couple of weeks. My situation is similar to yours!
 
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My wife and myself are looking after her 85 year old mum who has vascular-mixed dementia/Alzheimer's. (as well as deafness/sight problems)
My wife's sister had recently moved in with her after she split from her partner a few years a go. So we thought everything would be ok for a while.
This was not to be. After just six months, my sister in-law lost the plot. She's ended up having a mental breakdown.
She couldn't cope with her. But i feel the real problem is my wife's father suffered vascular dementia/Alzheimer's before he died. We had a bad time with him as he changed from a very mild mannered man into a raging bull. The stuff he said and done scarred my sister in-law, and i think she thinks it's going to happen again.

We have told her each person follows their own path, and her mum hopefully won't be the same. But she doesn't believe us. So we have arranged for her to move out and stay with her daughter.
So for the last few months, me and my wife have been taking care of her mum full time.

Since i have cared for my senior family with dementia before, i know what to expect and how to deal with it.
I plan ahead and constantly remind myself, it's not their fault and they don't mean anything they say or do.
I just treat it like they have an invisible injury, and i'm just there to help. It honestly doesn't ever get to me.
I've just been told by my wife that i didn't show up today (by mum in-law). So my wife asked my mum -in-law who fitted her new integrated fridge freezer then. My mum in-law just grinned and answered she had no idea! :)

I think most people struggle because this thing creeps up on them. Before they know it they are swamped. Help is available but unfortunately you have to fight for it.
I also think they hang on to the person that they "used" to know. To be blunt, the person you used to know dies long before the body.
So try not to get annoyed when you are asked the same question repeatedly. Accept insults as if they were meant for somebody else. I know that is easier said than done sometimes!

Our biggest problem is time. I run my own business and my wife is a teacher. We have three boys who are in the end/middle/start of college. So they also really need us right now. But i have told them this is a family thing and they have to get involved and help. They have been fantastic so far.
We cook tea and take it round and eat with her everyday. we then help her prepare her dinner(butty) for the next day. She can do her own breakfast. The boys clean and vac the house. I pop in between jobs when i can. I arrange work around her various appointments so i can drive her there.

I could come on here and ask for sympathy. But i would say save that for others who need it.
We are absolutely fine. We are hopefully giving my mother in-law the best possible life. We are determined to make this the best time possible. We have remembered laughter is essential. The mother in-law doesn't always get it and i'm sure sometimes gets a little annoyed!

We haven't had any external help yet. But we have started the process now as things can change rapidly.
The day will come when she has to go into care. Until then, we can only do our best.
My wife can then look back and have no regrets etc.
 
Last edited:
fulabeer said:
My wife and myself are looking after her 85 year old mum who has vascular-mixed dementia/Alzheimer's. (as well as deafness/sight problems)
My wife's sister had recently moved in with her after she splitting from her partner a few years a go. So we thought everything would be ok for a while.
This was not to be. After just six months, my sister in-law lost the plot. She's ended up having a mental breakdown.
She couldn't cope with her. But i feel the real problem if my wife's father suffered vascular dementia/Alzheimer's before he died. We had a bad tine with him as he changed from a very mild mannered man into a raging bull. The stuff he said and done scarred my sister in-law, and i think she thinks it's going to happen again.

We have told her each person follows their own path, and her mum hopefully won't be the same. But she doesn't believe us. So we have arranged for her to move out and stay with her daughter.
So for the last few months, me and my wife have been taking care of her mum full time.

Since i have cared for my senior family with dementia before, i know what to expect and how to deal with it.
I plan ahead and constantly remind myself, it's not their fault and they don't mean anything they say or do.
I just treat it like they have an invisible injury, and i'm just there to help. It honestly doesn't ever get to me.
I've just been told by my wife that i didn't show up today (by mum in-law). So my wife asked my mum -in-law who fitted her new integrated fridge freezer then. My mum in-law just grinned and answered she had no idea! :)

I think most people struggle because this thing creeps up on them. Before they know it they are swamped. Help is available but unfortunately you have to fight for it.
I also think they hang on to the person that they "used" to know. To be blunt, the person you used to know dies long before the body.
So try not to get annoyed when you are asked the same question repeatedly. Accept insults as if they were meant for somebody else. I know that is easier said than done sometimes!

Our biggest problem is time. I run my own business and my wife is a teacher. We have three boys who are in the end/middle/start of college. So they also really need us right now. But i have told them this is a family thing and they have to get involved and help. They have been fantastic so far.
We cook tea and take it round and eat with her everyday. we then help her prepare her dinner(butty) for the next day. She can do her own breakfast. The boys clean and vac the house. I pop in between jobs when i can. I arrange work around her various appointments so i can drive her there.

I could come on here and ask for sympathy. But i would say save that for others who need it.
We are absolutely fine. We are hopefully giving my mother in-law the best possible life. We are determined to make this the best time possible. We have remembered laughter is essential. The mother in-law doesn't always get it and i'm sure sometimes gets a little annoyed!

We haven't had any external help yet. But we have started the process now as things can change rapidly.
The day will come when she has to go into care. Until then, we can only do our best.
My wife can then look back and have no regrets etc.
Click to expand...
A very insightful and inspirational post on a very distressing issue for many people and their families. I wish you and your family all the best on this journey together.
 
I was due a visit from a company yesterday to measure up for a job in the house, they didn't turn up. I duly rang them and the lady said she got dementia and forgot.

I clarified this with her and she was trying to be fucking funny.....say you've fucked up that would have been fair enough. I may have had a rant at her.....

Anyway she's not coming at all now and they've lost 8/10k of business.

Twat.
 
fulabeer said:
My wife and myself are looking after her 85 year old mum who has vascular-mixed dementia/Alzheimer's. (as well as deafness/sight problems)
My wife's sister had recently moved in with her after she splitting from her partner a few years a go. So we thought everything would be ok for a while.
This was not to be. After just six months, my sister in-law lost the plot. She's ended up having a mental breakdown.
She couldn't cope with her. But i feel the real problem if my wife's father suffered vascular dementia/Alzheimer's before he died. We had a bad tine with him as he changed from a very mild mannered man into a raging bull. The stuff he said and done scarred my sister in-law, and i think she thinks it's going to happen again.

We have told her each person follows their own path, and her mum hopefully won't be the same. But she doesn't believe us. So we have arranged for her to move out and stay with her daughter.
So for the last few months, me and my wife have been taking care of her mum full time.

Since i have cared for my senior family with dementia before, i know what to expect and how to deal with it.
I plan ahead and constantly remind myself, it's not their fault and they don't mean anything they say or do.
I just treat it like they have an invisible injury, and i'm just there to help. It honestly doesn't ever get to me.
I've just been told by my wife that i didn't show up today (by mum in-law). So my wife asked my mum -in-law who fitted her new integrated fridge freezer then. My mum in-law just grinned and answered she had no idea! :)

I think most people struggle because this thing creeps up on them. Before they know it they are swamped. Help is available but unfortunately you have to fight for it.
I also think they hang on to the person that they "used" to know. To be blunt, the person you used to know dies long before the body.
So try not to get annoyed when you are asked the same question repeatedly. Accept insults as if they were meant for somebody else. I know that is easier said than done sometimes!

Our biggest problem is time. I run my own business and my wife is a teacher. We have three boys who are in the end/middle/start of college. So they also really need us right now. But i have told them this is a family thing and they have to get involved and help. They have been fantastic so far.
We cook tea and take it round and eat with her everyday. we then help her prepare her dinner(butty) for the next day. She can do her own breakfast. The boys clean and vac the house. I pop in between jobs when i can. I arrange work around her various appointments so i can drive her there.

I could come on here and ask for sympathy. But i would say save that for others who need it.
We are absolutely fine. We are hopefully giving my mother in-law the best possible life. We are determined to make this the best time possible. We have remembered laughter is essential. The mother in-law doesn't always get it and i'm sure sometimes gets a little annoyed!

We haven't had any external help yet. But we have started the process now as things can change rapidly.
The day will come when she has to go into care. Until then, we can only do our best.
My wife can then look back and have no regrets etc.
Click to expand...

Dementia isn't something my family has directly experienced (yet), but it must be horrific to see someone change so much and for them to not recognise you and treat you in a completely different manner. Cancer has been the disease that has done for a lot of my family. My Mum was one of four sisters and three have now died (in their early to late 60s) in the past two years.

Having not experienced someone going through dementia I can only guess, but seeing the pain my Mum was in was fucking horrific and it was heartbreaking not being able to help her. She was fully aware of everything and pretty much the same person otherwise, but with it being bowel cancer was stuck in bed and wearing nappies over the last few weeks of her life so completely demoralising for her. With dementia, as others have said, their ignorance is perhaps a saving grace for them but it's hugely painful for anyone who knows them. I don't think you can really generalise as each case is different and losing someone you love really does hurt regardless of how it happens. I take a lot of comfort from the fact my Mum was mentally there and we could have some heart to hearts over the final months - that's something you don't have the opportunity for with dementia. But perhaps there's something positive you can take in the fact you don't hear how scared or in pain they are because they're not truly there anymore when it's dementia.

All I can say to those going through it is to keep talking and bluemoon is a wonderful outlet for it. I'm far more open and honest on here than I am in real life. I would never talk or open up to anyone. I go to work and play my role there and go home and do the same. But you have to release that pressure, stress and emotion somewhere and this place is great for that as it's without judgement.
 
Millwallawayveteran1988 said:
I went for a hearing test the other day and found my hearing wasn’t as good as I thought it was! Wife been nagging me for ages to go and get it tested. Bloke started talking about hearing aids etc and I was like I’ll just put them in when I watch tv as that’s when I sometimes struggle.

He said no you can’t do that and have to wear them all the time (only very small nowadays apparently). He also said if you don’t deal with hearing loss, you increase your dementia risk by 30% as the brain has to use other parts to compensate for the bit that should be doing the work on hearing but that isn’t working properly.

I wasn’t aware so thought I would share on here if anyone else struggles with hearing.
Click to expand...
Cheers for posting mate, didn’t know that, lost a lot of my hearing about 4/5 years ago with a severe ear infection and have pretty bad vertigo as a result (Mam and brother have Menieres disease so likely that).

I was given hearing aids but just couldn’t get used to them, always amused me a bit with people wearing hearing aids and shouting, but when you wear them you just don’t realise, given dementia generally isn’t hereditary, may have to have a rethink.
 
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