Dementia

mancity111 said:
Its a mystery JMB and the more we think we know about it the less we know about it at least that's my experience to date.

I really hope you don't get hit by a bus because even though I don't know you , I am grateful to still be able to read your posts and learn from them , I am getting to the age where I appreciate every day more and more because life is short and hope my children if nothing else learn from my mistakes and appreciate every waking moment far more so than I have.
Click to expand...

You won’t learn much from my posts mate. I mostly come on here to post sarcastic nonsense and wind people up, but with the occasional dose of sincerity when it’s warranted, such as this thread.

Hope you keep well blue.
 
Johnny Mars Bar said:
You won’t learn much from my posts mate. I mostly come on here to post sarcastic nonsense and wind people up, but with the occasional dose of sincerity when it’s warranted, such as this thread.

Hope you keep well blue.
Click to expand...
No matter your intention JMB its done with some flair and style and I can learn from you.
 
Blue Floyd said:
Was me that started this thread. Watched me Mam take her last breath a couple of days ago. Told me family to kill me if I show signs. Horrible Horrible disease
Click to expand...
So sorry to hear that.
My 96 year old nanna is riddled with it. Basically a vegetable, at the risk of sounding a ****.

Even 5 years ago when dementia kicked in but she was still strong and “ok” and i showed her what she would end up like, she, and everyone i would imagine, would say “nope, dont let me end up like that”.

Its an inhumane disease.
 
mancity111 said:
As for the affected person how to begin , you believe they are going through despair and want it all to end as quickly as possible but do we really know what they are going through or simply feeling sorry for ourselves instead of cherishing them for what has become of them.
Click to expand...
My mum had vascular dementia. It started with forgetfulness and by the end she recognised us only fleetingly. The deterioration was gradual over around 15 years. She increasingly was confused and therefor unhappy when she had her own flat. Although she had regular carers come in to make sure she took pills and prepared meals for her, she wasn't safe to be alone so my sister and I went through a year of fighting to get her into a very good care home (MPs were involved). When she finally got there she was happy as hell for years. She used to say to me 'is this my home for ever?' and I would tell her it was, the smile on her face said it all. Although it was hard as hell to see her with the condition, at least we knew she was safe, very well cared for and ultimately happy with her life. That continued until the last 12 months when she really deteriorated and that was very hard for both her and us. I was with her when she died and the standard of love and care she was given by the staff was absolutely beautiful.

I was left with the conclusion that although dementia is really, really horrible it was possible for her to enjoy her life for the majority of its span as long as the environment she lived in was right for her.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ob
GazM said:
My Dad was admitted to a care home last week with dementia. I call him the reverse-jigsaw man. Each time I see him there's a piece missing. Seeing someone in that setting for the first time is heartbreaking. It's a one way ticket & I'm hoping it won't be a long stay for his sake...
Click to expand...
In exactly the same situation with my father in law. Think of him more as my Dad than an in-law. He's 85 now and has been on a steep decline these last few years. It was heart breaking to take him to the care home last October knowing he wouldn't be coming home, and that he didn't have a clue what was happening. He's one of the strongest men I have ever known and it's just been horrible to watch him disappear before our eyes - fucking horrible disease. Thankfully, he's now settled and in a happier place.
 
I have the utmost sympathy for anyone having to deal with this, either on a personal basis or through a family member. A truly awful illness.
 
My wife had a mini stroke 12/13 months back and I'm beginning to suspect (or perhaps only just now admitting it) that she has vascular dementia. She got up the other day and asked me what the big silver coin was called as she woke up wondering about the coin randomly. I took out a fifty pee coin and she wanted to know how much was a 50p coin worth, I had to explain how many 50p coins are needed to equal the £1 coin I held in the other hand. Turns out she was thinking about the £2 coin in the end but I had to explain when the different coins came into being and how much each was worth. Not the first time her memory has let her down since the stroke but this one left me dumb struck.

She laughed it off as her just forgetting because she doesn't get out much and I pay for everything, hence she never touches cash.

I have no idea how to proceed as she can wake up and come downstairs in tears due to her any other issues. I'm terrified of raising it with her and upsetting her any more than she is, and I'm reluctant to go behind her back to the doctors as we've always operated on total trust of each other.

Both of our families are back in Manchester and there's no way I can bring her sister into it (yet at least).

Any thoughts?
 
Centurions said:
My wife had a mini stroke 12/13 months back and I'm beginning to suspect (or perhaps only just now admitting it) that she has vascular dementia. She got up the other day and asked me what the big silver coin was called as she woke up wondering about the coin randomly. I took out a fifty pee coin and she wanted to know how much was a 50p coin worth, I had to explain how many 50p coins are needed to equal the £1 coin I held in the other hand. Turns out she was thinking about the £2 coin in the end but I had to explain when the different coins came into being and how much each was worth. Not the first time her memory has let her down since the stroke but this one left me dumb struck.

She laughed it off as her just forgetting because she doesn't get out much and I pay for everything, hence she never touches cash.

I have no idea how to proceed as she can wake up and come downstairs in tears due to her any other issues. I'm terrified of raising it with her and upsetting her any more than she is, and I'm reluctant to go behind her back to the doctors as we've always operated on total trust of each other.

Both of our families are back in Manchester and there's no way I can bring her sister into it (yet at least).

Any thoughts?
Click to expand...

So sorry she's going through this mate I really am.

It has to start with the doctors and then you move on from there, it could just be forgetfulness it's amazing just how as you get older you can forget nearly everything and frustratingly try to remember like it's the most important thing.

Main thing is that you know her, you know her habits and the way she walks talks and thinks and if you think something is amiss then you're best positioned to know best.

Good luck mate hope that you have some good news from the docs.
 
After a stroke there's a strong chance she got vascular dementia but obviously it's needs confirming by medical people.
My brother aged 65 had 3 stokes in 18 months and after some blood tests it got diagnosed as Vascular dementia.
He lives alone after his wife of 45 years bailed out on him then his only son bailed out after 2 months without mum.
So ive took over caring for him along with a care team. Unfortunately he's more forgetful each week. Like a 6ft toddler who doesn't understand why his wife and son have left him. Heartbreaking
 
Just read my old posts from 22/23 in this thread and fuck me im depressed... Sat bawling my eyes out. I miss mum every day, but I think we've let ourselves forget that if the Feb to June 23 illness hadnt got her, the dementia was starting to take hold and we were losing her that way. (Tho I'll never forgive Fairfield hosp).

I've been crying daily for a few weeks now, moving house, feeling ill, partner who treats me like shit and my sister also loses interest if I talk for more than 5 minutes about my emotions despite acting like she's there for me They say talk to people don't they, but as I cried for 2 hours last night saying to the air I have no one, just 2 adults, no one no friend just them 2. I want my mum instead. my son is 9 now, I love him more than life itself, but I think I'm ruining his life. My sister doesn't listen and my partner of over 30 years seems to hate me, likes to call me a hormonal bitch, slams me into walls from time to time but mainly ignores me or puts me down. He emptied the drawer under the wardrobe today for moving even tho I'd said to leave it it's got the important things in (birth certificates, etc, and the smaller of the 2 boxes of mums ashes). What do I find when I got back, he'd emptied it and put everything on a tub, and mums ashes box had been put upside down and I picked it up to turn it back but it was too late bits of had slid down the side and went on my pyjamas and the bed. And I cried. And he just shouted at me and walked away. I just want a different life. And my mum.
wrong thread I know, but when I saw it back in page one I thought get that's the one I posted in about mum, so I had a read.... Bloody depressed.

I'm not having a good run with ashes, my gran who was a brilliant woman but died with dementia in 1986, I couldn't cope with ashes or death as a kid so mum kept her in the shed rather than the house and I wouldn't go in that(I know.... Sorry, but I couldn't cope with coffins funerals or anything for a long long time) , well clearing out 6 months ago we found them and now I'm old and have dealt with mum and dad's deaths I agreed to have the wooden box in the house in the shelf with the cats ashes boxes. But as time went on it started to get to me a bit again, a huge morbid wooden box that I know I used to be scared of.... so I picked up the big proper sealed wooden box to move it ( not like mums in a cardboard loose one for scattering) - and the bloody lid came off in my hands! I only just caught the rest of the box as it sped towards the floor and had sitcom visions of gran going everywhere! :( Luckily she didn't fall out but only as she was wrapped tightly in a plastic bag inside (mum isnt...). But I cried and screamed for help cos it really freaked me out. She'd died when I was 11 and I couldn't cope so mum didn't keep her in the house, yet in the 6 months I had her in the house (out of 39 years!) the lid glue dried up and it all came apart in my hands. I wasn't prepared to see my grans ashes. Just like how although I have carefully opened the box to look at mum a few times, I wasn't ready for idiot brain to leave it upside down today so some of her would end up on me, the bed, and the floor.

Totally wrong thread. Sorry. Mods can delete if think innappropriate.

My heart goes out to the people here who are dealing with dementia.
 
Last edited:
kippaxkid74 said:
Just read my old posts from 22/23 in this thread and fuck me im depressed... Sat bawling my eyes out. I miss mum every day, but I think we've let ourselves forget that if the Feb to June 23 illness hadnt got her, the dementia was starting to take hold and we were losing her that way. (Tho I'll never forgive Fairfield hosp).

I've been crying daily for a few weeks now, moving house, feeling ill, partner who treats me like shit and my sister also loses interest if I talk for more than 5 minutes about my emotions despite acting like she's there for me They say talk to people don't they, but as I cried for 2 hours last night saying to the air I have no one, just 2 adults, no one no friend just them 2. I want my mum instead. my son is 9 now, I love him more than life itself, but I think I'm ruining his life. My sister doesn't listen and my partner of over 30 years seems to hate me, likes to call me a hormonal bitch, slams me into walls from time to time but mainly ignores me or puts me down. He emptied the drawer under the wardrobe today for moving even tho I'd said to leave it it's got the important things in (birth certificates, etc, and the smaller of the 2 boxes of mums ashes). What do I find when I got back, he'd emptied it and put everything on a tub, and mums ashes box had been put upside down and I picked it up to turn it back but it was too late bits of had slid down the side and went on my pyjamas and the bed. And I cried. And he just shouted at me and walked away. I just want a different life. And my mum.
wrong thread I know, but when I saw it back in page one I thought get that's the one I posted in about mum, so I had a read.... Bloody depressed.

I'm not having a good run with ashes, my gran who was a brilliant woman but died with dementia in 1986, I couldn't cope with ashes or death as a kid so mum kept her in the shed rather than the house and I wouldn't go in that(I know.... Sorry, but I couldn't cope with coffins funerals or anything for a long long time) , well clearing out 6 months ago we found them and now I'm old and have dealt with mum and dad's deaths I agreed to have the wooden box in the house in the shelf with the cats ashes boxes. But as time went on it started to get to me a bit again, a huge morbid wooden box that I know I used to be scared of.... so I picked up the big proper sealed wooden box to move it ( not like mums in a cardboard loose one for scattering) - and the bloody lid came off in my hands! I only just caught the rest of the box as it sped towards the floor and had sitcom visions of gran going everywhere! :( Luckily she didn't fall out but only as she was wrapped tightly in a plastic bag inside (mum isnt...). But I cried and screamed for help cos it really freaked me out. She'd died when I was 11 and I couldn't cope so mum didn't keep her in the house, yet in the 6 months I had her in the house (out of 39 years!) the lid glue dried up and it all came apart in my hands. I wasn't prepared to see my grans ashes. Just like how although I have carefully opened the box to look at mum a few times, I wasn't ready for idiot brain to leave it upside down today so some of her would end up on me, the bed, and the floor.

Totally wrong thread. Sorry. Mods can delete if think innappropriate.

My heart goes out to the people here who are dealing with dementia.
Click to expand...
This is so sad to read. I really hope you can get yourself into a better place sooner rather than later.

I'm not one for giving advice, but I suspect that deep down you're well aware what the first step needs to be in trying to make that happen. Good luck.
 
Buried my aunt who'd dementia last week who was in her 90s. They'd a video in the funeral service and the change was heartbreaking. My mother has Parkinson's dementia and been non verbal for months now. Goes for periods (days and days) of not eating. Once told me when I asked why she wouldn't eat for me and she replied she didn't know how to open her mouth. I also lost a cousin last week (prostate cancer) so was at home staying with my sister for funerals. My sister also has dementia and is worse when her routine is changed (like last week) and have to have same conversations over and over. She even bought a sympathy card for cousin and couldn't remember who it was for. Breaks my heart
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Unread Posts

Don't have an account? Register now and see fewer ads!

SIGN UP
Back
Top