Drunken Sleep Pissing - We've all done it, haven't we?

D D

Didsbury Dave

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Is there any man out there who can seriously claim to have not done a drunken sleep piss?

Whether it's in a wardrobe or drawer, on the wife or in a hotel corridor, the mystery sleep piss remains a bastion of manhood.

My personal theory is that it's your brains way of ensuring you don't piss the bed. And the reason that everyone remembers waking up pissing on a plant in a hotel or being told they pissed in the drawer at a mate's house is because in a strange house your brain gets lost.

I reckon we all do it more than we think in our own toilet and never even know. There've definitely been oddly large splashback stains around our toilet some mornings after a session.

So let's have your tales, gentlemen. Or ladies come to think of it. Surely there's some lady out there prepared to admit to nightsquatting?
 
Good Lad.

Many many stories about this. I'll start with this one.

Went to a mates house in liverpool for a party, got wasted and went to bed. there was two of us staying in this room and the other guy had locked the door behind him when he had got into his bed. he watched as i got up, walked to the door, felt around the door for a bit, realised it was closed, then did a walk along the wall searching for a way out, you know like trapped in a cave business.

Then, I got to his chest of drawers, promptly opened the top drawer, and proceeded to lag. Only, in the drawers were all sorts of stuff, from tools to digital cameras etc etc. my mate who was awake watching me, made know effort to stop me apparently, and laughed all the way through it!!! It was his fault for locking the door!!
 
johnmc said:
Good Lad.

Many many stories about this. I'll start with this one.

Went to a mates house in liverpool for a party, got wasted and went to bed. there was two of us staying in this room and the other guy had locked the door behind him when he had got into his bed. he watched as i got up, walked to the door, felt around the door for a bit, realised it was closed, then did a walk along the wall searching for a way out, you know like trapped in a cave business.

Then, I got to his chest of drawers, promptly opened the top drawer, and proceeded to lag. Only, in the drawers were all sorts of stuff, from tools to digital cameras etc etc. my mate who was awake watching me, made know effort to stop me apparently, and laughed all the way through it!!! It was his fault for locking the door!!
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mwhaha

more
 
Pissed in a vase in my mums bedroom, didn't spill a drop ;P

Sleepwalking naked round a hotel resort in mexico looking for the toilet!

Waking up naked in an ex's reletives house sat on the bog, went to bed in my boxers????????????????
 
December 2008

Was at a 30th which was near my mums house so rather than pay for the taxi to town, me and the girlfriend stayed there after. It was a surprise birthday for my flatmate so got ready at my mums as well as to not make it too obvious.

Anyway, went and got pissed, and then went to bed. All ok. Wake up in the morning. No problem. The missus is at the mirror in the bedroom wiping her face of the makeup with her face wipes. anyway she says these are a bit wet, then says why is there water all on the ledge where all her makeup was??

I'd pissed in her makeup bag! it had £££ of dior and all that bollocks. she had wiped her face with my piss and i had destroyed her makeup. quite mad she was for a bit.
 
I've got tons.

Hotel in Brighton, woke up banging on my room door shouting for my girlfriend.

A big geezer answers.

I was at the right room, but on the wrong floor. I'd certainly pissed somewhere, my guess is the lift.

I was sharing a room with my brother once and he turned the light on and said i'd been doing like you, John - feeling all along the wall for the way out. I was also saying "Ju! Ju!" trying to wake up my girlfriend who was 200 miles away.

Another time I was woken by the guy in the flat downstairs banging on the door. His bathroom was getting flooded through the roof. I'd gone for a piss and turned the bath on which was now overflowing. In explanation, I used to get up first every day and run a bath for my fiance (who's now my wife). I guess my brain fucked up a bit.

I could go on and on. My mate's bird, one morning, claimed I was bollock naked pissing in the bathroom the night before and oblivious to anyone.

etc etc.
 
johnmc said:
. she had wiped her face with my piss and i had destroyed her makeup. quite mad she was for a bit.
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Pissed myself at that one.

I've also done one on a makeup ledge too.

I got away with that one. It was put down to a leak or something.

I've got away with a few in the past. They rarely smell because they are full on, crystal clear booze pisses.

My existing wife once called out the plumber, and I let her, in the full knowledge that I had simply pissed all around the bog rather than in it. I think she said she'd noticed this leak a few times before.
 
Bad innit. Amazing how common it is and how it always involves drink!!

Mate of mine woke up with his brother asking him what the hell he was doing as he was pissing on him. He told his brother to shut up like it was his fault.

My sister woke up early on morning with me in her room staring at the stars out of her window pissing on the radiator.

Wash basket always tho a favourate and it doesnt matter either coz the clothes are to be washed anyway!! wahey.

Shared a room with my brother til i was about 17 and he saved my one night from what could have been catastrophic for me, i was about to lag on the tv. what was that thread the other day about pissing on an electric fence. that could have been me.

Done a hotel one as well like you dave last summer.
 
There was a story in the papers a few months ago about a gypsy woman who pissed on a generator and died.

You were lucky, John.

Surprisingly I've never done a washbasket. You done a plant?
 
Not pissing but worse........... Went to the lakes for a romantic weekend with the EX girlfriend and stayed in a really plush b&b, spent the day drinking all different sorts of real ale in the pubs along with having a curry and going to bed...... during the night I had really bad tummy ache so knowing that the turtles head was popping out decided to make a quick move to the en-suite bathroom, just as I moved Ithought I was going to fart, but instead I shit all over my side of the bed, panicking like mad I rushed to the bog finished it off although it was not one bit solid....cleaned myself up with wet toilet paper to dispose of all evidence. Webnt bacjk to the bedroom and she was snoring her head off, so I gently rolled her over to my side of the bed and then got in her side. We were both naked, the smell was disgusting, so i decided to wake her up and yes you have guessed, I said to her "what the fuck have you done, you have shit yourself" I tell you what, she had rolled around in it and it was all on her back, inside of her leg all over her arse and fanny. She burst into tears and kept saying sorry, sorry this has never happened to me before, i feel so embarrassed, please dont tell anybody. We only ended staying thaat night and even though we split up a few months later I still bump into her and she always thanks me for not telling anyone.
 
I sleep pissed in my g/f's knicker drawer :)

She wasn't impressed and three years down the line, she still brings it up.......I think she thinks im ashamed?!........HA!, I just think it's hilarious.

And it would be hilarious if I did it again ;P
 
Dave - never a plant no. Know what you mean about getting away with quite a few because it isnt fully brewed stinky stuff but more light scented water. Aunty and uncles wasnt pleasant as there house is amazing. I knew it must have been me but my brother was also out the night before so we blamed each other and no one knows

Swervin - pure comedy
 
swervin said:
Not pissing but worse........... Went to the lakes for a romantic weekend with the EX girlfriend and stayed in a really plush b&b, spent the day drinking all different sorts of real ale in the pubs along with having a curry and going to bed...... during the night I had really bad tummy ache so knowing that the turtles head was popping out decided to make a quick move to the en-suite bathroom, just as I moved Ithought I was going to fart, but instead I shit all over my side of the bed, panicking like mad I rushed to the bog finished it off although it was not one bit solid....cleaned myself up with wet toilet paper to dispose of all evidence. Webnt bacjk to the bedroom and she was snoring her head off, so I gently rolled her over to my side of the bed and then got in her side. We were both naked, the smell was disgusting, so i decided to wake her up and yes you have guessed, I said to her "what the fuck have you done, you have shit yourself" I tell you what, she had rolled around in it and it was all on her back, inside of her leg all over her arse and fanny. She burst into tears and kept saying sorry, sorry this has never happened to me before, i feel so embarrassed, please dont tell anybody. We only ended staying thaat night and even though we split up a few months later I still bump into her and she always thanks me for not telling anyone.
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Legend.
 
swervin said:
Not pissing but worse........... Went to the lakes for a romantic weekend with the EX girlfriend and stayed in a really plush b&b, spent the day drinking all different sorts of real ale in the pubs along with having a curry and going to bed...... during the night I had really bad tummy ache so knowing that the turtles head was popping out decided to make a quick move to the en-suite bathroom, just as I moved Ithought I was going to fart, but instead I shit all over my side of the bed, panicking like mad I rushed to the bog finished it off although it was not one bit solid....cleaned myself up with wet toilet paper to dispose of all evidence. Webnt bacjk to the bedroom and she was snoring her head off, so I gently rolled her over to my side of the bed and then got in her side. We were both naked, the smell was disgusting, so i decided to wake her up and yes you have guessed, I said to her "what the fuck have you done, you have shit yourself" I tell you what, she had rolled around in it and it was all on her back, inside of her leg all over her arse and fanny. She burst into tears and kept saying sorry, sorry this has never happened to me before, i feel so embarrassed, please dont tell anybody. We only ended staying thaat night and even though we split up a few months later I still bump into her and she always thanks me for not telling anyone.
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Now that's a classic story.

I feel like an Amateur now.

"Fully brewed stinky stuff" - Class
 
swervin said:
Not pissing but worse........... Went to the lakes for a romantic weekend with the EX girlfriend and stayed in a really plush b&b, spent the day drinking all different sorts of real ale in the pubs along with having a curry and going to bed...... during the night I had really bad tummy ache so knowing that the turtles head was popping out decided to make a quick move to the en-suite bathroom, just as I moved Ithought I was going to fart, but instead I shit all over my side of the bed, panicking like mad I rushed to the bog finished it off although it was not one bit solid....cleaned myself up with wet toilet paper to dispose of all evidence. Webnt bacjk to the bedroom and she was snoring her head off, so I gently rolled her over to my side of the bed and then got in her side. We were both naked, the smell was disgusting, so i decided to wake her up and yes you have guessed, I said to her "what the fuck have you done, you have shit yourself" I tell you what, she had rolled around in it and it was all on her back, inside of her leg all over her arse and fanny. She burst into tears and kept saying sorry, sorry this has never happened to me before, i feel so embarrassed, please dont tell anybody. We only ended staying thaat night and even though we split up a few months later I still bump into her and she always thanks me for not telling anyone.
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that story actually made me cry with laughter fuckin nice one
 
Know where you are coming from Swerve.

Went to Tenerife about 12 years ago (johnmc was there) on a lads holiday. One evening we all decide to get a curry delivered to the apartment. So next day we had the waterpark on the agenda, we all get up get taxis to the the waterpark and pay in and we all run off to go on waterever slide of our choice, so me being the big man head straight to the kamikaze or the like. After reaching the summit i get that awful pain in my tummy telling be I am going to have the trots, with 20 seconds I am legging it through oncoming thrillseekers back down the steps I have just walked up in a bid to find the toilets. Safely get to the bottom but don't have long left. So I am walking slowly with a hand pushing each cheek and ask this guy where the toilets are, he thens starts spouting some foreign language and that was it, I was beaten - surrounded by people on sunbeds I followed through into my swimming shorts.

Shortly after I was back in the apartment shitting every 2 minutes.
 
Nice to know I was not the only one djspam, thanks for that. Seriously though I was only 20 at the time I thought is there something wrong with me, am I incontinent or what.....So saying that the look on her face at the time was priceless.
 
swervin said:
Nice to know I was not the only one djspam, thanks for that. Seriously though I was only 20 at the time I thought is there something wrong with me, am I incontinent or what.....So saying that the look on her face at the time was priceless.
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To gain full legendary status you should have gone round telling everyone she shits the bed after you split up.

If you'd stayed with her would you have ever owned up?
 
swervin said:
Nice to know I was not the only one djspam, thanks for that. Seriously though I was only 20 at the time I thought is there something wrong with me, am I incontinent or what.....So saying that the look on her face at the time was priceless.
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I shit meself on the way to work a couple of months back.

Id had beer the night before and tried a power-fart, but just felt hot wetness in my pants.

Squirmed into work into the disabled bogs and peeled my pants off my arse and began the big wipe-up.

Not even in the same league as blaming your g/f though! That's just class.
 
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