Drunken Sleep Pissing - We've all done it, haven't we?

Nowt to brag about, that one, Blue4eva.

That's just a common or garden follow-through.

Everyone's done that once in a while.
 
Didsbury Dave said:
Nowt to brag about, that one, Blue4eva.

That's just a common or garden follow-through.

Everyone's done that once in a while.
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True :)

Was funny trying to dispose of my soiled undies though. No bins in the bogs as its 'paper-free' with hand dryers only and obviously couldn't flush them away.
 
I presume you just dumped them in the cubicle and covered your tracks with a pre-emptive:

"Pwwarr, some dirty bastard has shit themselves and left their crackers in the trap! Can you believe it?"

As you went back into the office...
 
Dave, in all honesty if we had of ended up getting wed, I really dont think I would of told her the truth, she would of killed me. I think its an episode to take to the grave, I am more suprised that over the years when getting pissed I havent told anyone.
 
swervin said:
Dave, in all honesty if we had of ended up getting wed, I really dont think I would of told her the truth, she would of killed me. I think its an episode to take to the grave, I am more suprised that over the years when getting pissed I havent told anyone.
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Class - never told a soul including his mates when drunk but you put it up here for all to see. I salute you.
 
Didsbury Dave said:
I presume you just dumped them in the cubicle and covered your tracks with a pre-emptive:

"Pwwarr, some dirty bastard has shit themselves and left their crackers in the trap! Can you believe it?"

As you went back into the office...
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Errmmm, no lol.

We have a post man that comes into the office to collect mail in mail bags from us.

Basically, to cut a long story short, they went to Royal Mail :)
 
Swervin - fan-fuckin-tastic.

I've pissed all over the place, but the worst one was years ago when a group of us stayed at a mates house and I was woken up at 3am by a mate of mine pissing on my head. No, make that "in my face".

Seriously, it was a full and heavy blast right between the eyes, and the cheeky fooker had the gall to rear up on me when I started swearing at him and pushing him away.

My sister still recounts the tale of when she was woken up as a 7 year old by yours truly pissing in her school pencil box, and then shushing her when she asked what I was doing.
 
Yeah you always have a go at the person who catches you - when i nearly lagged on the telly when my brother stopped me i said "go to sleep paul"

got caught curling one off, well it was more like lagging from my ass, once when i was leathered. i was 50 yards from my house on the way back from the pub but i couldnt make it home. it was either fill my levi's or drop them them and release. it was basically on the pavement as well. my mates dad, a family friend as well for 20+ years walked past on the way back from the pub himself, i was crouched down getting rid with a lamb kebab swingin from my wrist. i said "alright tony" as he walked past.

i hoped he wouldnt tell anyone but was met by a pub full of laughter the following day and tony saying "didnt recognise with you pants on" to more laughter.

walked past that crap mound for weeks after

the kebab was nice tho.
 
bowdonblue said:
Swervin - fan-fuckin-tastic.

I've pissed all over the place, but the worst one was years ago when a group of us stayed at a mates house and I was woken up at 3am by a mate of mine pissing on my head. No, make that "in my face".

Seriously, it was a full and heavy blast right between the eyes, and the cheeky fooker had the gall to rear up on me when I started swearing at him and pushing him away.

My sister still recounts the tale of when she was woken up as a 7 year old by yours truly pissing in her school pencil box, and then shushing her when she asked what I was doing.
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So you still mates and did you knock him out? Drunk or not I'd have knocked his lights out! If I did that I'da taken my deserved hits! (Just bad relationship mojo!)
 
Years back pissed on my mums new dress she had hung on the bannister at the top of the stairs in preparation for her cousins wedding the next day!
Dont know how she put up with it to be honest.
 
Done it a couple of times

When i first got a place with the missus i had gone to bed bollocked and woke up a few hrs later on settee piss wet through, i had lifted the cushion up like a toilet seat and pissed on it and then slept on the fucker.

on another occasion at a mates house i fell asleep on the settee whilst a party was still in full swing, i woke up to the sound of my mates girlfriend going mad at me, and to my horror i was sqauted over the cat litter tray trying to take dumped, to make things worse that was the first time i had met his girlfriend.
 
happymoondays you've just reminded me of another one

went up to glasgow to see my cousin who was at uni there. trolleyed on mckewans (sp)

several of us all went to sleep on his floor in a shared flat. however i didnt wake up on the floor. i woke up in a bed and was immediately struck by the samouri swords on the walls when i came round. then there was the army books on the bookshelf. then i noticed the damp duvet.

i'd got up, gone in to his flatmates room, who was a fitness/violence/army fanatic, lagged on his bed and then got in it for the night. the rest of them woke up to a hair dryer being used on the duvet. luckily this guy was away for the weekend.

20 mins on the hair dryer then got out of there pronto.
 
Johnmc Bluemoons very own serial pisser!

I can see it now "get the plastic sheets out Johns staying over"

keep up the good work ;P
 
IFeedGoats said:
Johnmc Bluemoons very own serial pisser!

I can see it now "get the plastic sheets out Johns staying over"

keep up the good work ;P
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not even started yet!!!

Travel lodge last year after a wedding. i wake myself up in the corridor banging on the door to my room in just my boxers. i woke several neighbouring people up and said to them all "she is asleep inside and i cant wake her. was there half an hour and someone said go reception which i did in my boxers and asked for my key. the guy, seeing me in my boxers asked for my room number and gave me a swipe card.

took this away and trotted back to my room, over the damp patch, and onto my room. got in there and there are no clothes, no possessions and no girlfriend in the room. confused for a few minutes i walked back into the corridor and was told by someone that my room was further up the corridor - it was never my room and the guy just gave me the key without checking. furthermore, that room would have been my mates but he had complained as when they checked in the beds werent made.

went back to my real room and the door was ajar and i strolled in and went to bed, girlfriend oblivious. until the next morning.
 
swervin said:
Not pissing but worse........... Went to the lakes for a romantic weekend with the EX girlfriend and stayed in a really plush b&b, spent the day drinking all different sorts of real ale in the pubs along with having a curry and going to bed...... during the night I had really bad tummy ache so knowing that the turtles head was popping out decided to make a quick move to the en-suite bathroom, just as I moved Ithought I was going to fart, but instead I shit all over my side of the bed, panicking like mad I rushed to the bog finished it off although it was not one bit solid....cleaned myself up with wet toilet paper to dispose of all evidence. Webnt bacjk to the bedroom and she was snoring her head off, so I gently rolled her over to my side of the bed and then got in her side. We were both naked, the smell was disgusting, so i decided to wake her up and yes you have guessed, I said to her "what the fuck have you done, you have shit yourself" I tell you what, she had rolled around in it and it was all on her back, inside of her leg all over her arse and fanny. She burst into tears and kept saying sorry, sorry this has never happened to me before, i feel so embarrassed, please dont tell anybody. We only ended staying thaat night and even though we split up a few months later I still bump into her and she always thanks me for not telling anyone.
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Best one.
 
The Invisible_Man said:
swervin said:
Not pissing but worse........... Went to the lakes for a romantic weekend with the EX girlfriend and stayed in a really plush b&b, spent the day drinking all different sorts of real ale in the pubs along with having a curry and going to bed...... during the night I had really bad tummy ache so knowing that the turtles head was popping out decided to make a quick move to the en-suite bathroom, just as I moved Ithought I was going to fart, but instead I shit all over my side of the bed, panicking like mad I rushed to the bog finished it off although it was not one bit solid....cleaned myself up with wet toilet paper to dispose of all evidence. Webnt bacjk to the bedroom and she was snoring her head off, so I gently rolled her over to my side of the bed and then got in her side. We were both naked, the smell was disgusting, so i decided to wake her up and yes you have guessed, I said to her "what the fuck have you done, you have shit yourself" I tell you what, she had rolled around in it and it was all on her back, inside of her leg all over her arse and fanny. She burst into tears and kept saying sorry, sorry this has never happened to me before, i feel so embarrassed, please dont tell anybody. We only ended staying thaat night and even though we split up a few months later I still bump into her and she always thanks me for not telling anyone.
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Best one.
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Agree!
 
Pissing my pants laughing here.

This thread is one of the funniest things I have ever read on the internet.

Good work fellas.
 
one of my mate's was staying at his bird's parent's house whilst her parent's were away. He came home pissed one night and fell asleep on the couch, halfway through the night he got up and had a shite behind the living room door. He didnt even know he'd done it until he was awoken by his screaming girlfriend who had scraped it across the carpet whilst opening the door to get in the room!! it was found out later in the day that he'd also wiped his arse on the curtain's. Remarkably they are married now.
 
That's the thing about the Night Piss.

It's not just about the piss, is it? It's the whole spirit-sapping experience.

You wake up, your head is splitting in two. You're in an incomfy bed, with someone, often female. The light is blaring in and your mouth is like sandpaper.

You always have an uneasy feeling in your stomache. Something's not quite right. Then you are jerked awake by the sight of an ominous dark stain, somewhere it shouldn't be. Invariably in someone elses's house.

And your horrible, hung over, how and I am going to get home self is urgently trying to think fo ways to cover it up. There never is a way. It's bloody obvious what has happened.

Yet you attempt to look baffled and pretend to look for a leak.

To quote The Smiths: "Oh I can laugh but at the time is was terrible"
 
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