Friday Jokes!!

[jimharri]

Pilot : "Control tower, what time is it?"

Control tower: "What airline is this?"

Pilot: "What difference does that make?"

Control tower: "Well if it's British Airways, it's 6pm. If it's Virgin Atlantic, it's 18.00 hours and if it's American Airlines, the big hand is on the 12..."

 

[MATCITY]

A scotsman has been seen walking around glasgow with a wellington on his penis. Police say there's no cause for alarm he's obviously just fuckingaboot.

a little bit of piss just came out

 

[jimharri]

A scotsman has been seen walking around glasgow with a wellington on his penis. Police say there's no cause for alarm he's obviously just fuckingaboot.

a little bit of piss just came out

Twice? You've got a problem. May I suggest;

 

[Biggsy1]

A bloke came home from the pub and tries to wake his wife up. He asks for a blowjob and his wife looks at him and says,

"Wank in a glass, I'll drink it in the morning."

 

[Hinchcliffes chin]

Shudnt laugh at our own but this tickled me!-Mancini has promised at least one new face at Man City.Lescott and Tevez are fighting over it!..................................soz;)

 

[mekonmcfc]

a farmer was really worried as all his cows had frozen, he said god please help me, when a lady appeared put her arms around all the cows, they defrosted and came back to life, he said are you an angel sent by god ? she said no im ' THORA HERD'

 

[The Ox]

I missed Dancing on Ice last night...........do you know if Heather Mills got to the second leg ?

Coat - gone

 

[Jay Division]

Why didn't the bus driver allow G-Unit onto the bus?

Because they only had 50 Cent..........

Sorry.

 

[blumoon]

A female dwarf goes 2 the doc with an embarrassing itch in the groin area. Doc looks her up and down and picks her up and stands her on his desk, lifts her skirt up and put's his head under.
She hears snip snip snip and the doc asks "How's that?" "A lot better but still pretty itchy" she says. Back up under her skirt he goes snip snip snip again. "How's that now?" he asks proudly.
"Oh wonderful Doc....no itch, What did you do?" she asks. "Oh I just trimmed the top off your Ugg boots!!!"

 

[I am Irrefutable]

I lost my virginity at 16.....

But I found it again when I got married.



*gets Coat*