Friday Jokes!!

all future liverpool games are to be moved to the adult channel after a flood of viewer complaints. apparently itv do not consider the sight of 11 arseholes getting fucked for 120 minutes appropriate on main stream television.
 
A man walks into a fishmongers with a salmon under his arm, and asks "Do you sell fish cakes?"
"Yes", came the reply. That's good it's his birthday.
 
A son asked his mother the following question:
'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?'
The mother looked at her son and replied: 'Son, this shows friends, relatives and others that the bride is pure.'
The son nodded his head, thanked his mother and went off to double-check this with his father.
'Dad, why are wedding dresses white?' the boy asked.
The father pursed his lips, rubbed his chin and thoughtfully looked at his son, then said:
'Son, all household appliances originally came in white.'
 
Two guys fishing by the canal and one turns to his mate and says "It's a funny old world isn't it, I've given thousands of pounds to chaity but do they call me Dave the philanthropist? No! I hold patents on some of the most important inventions in the world but do they call me Dave the inventor? No! I shag one sheep.....................
 
Chris Tarrant asks Wayne Bridge, "For £64,000, what is the colour of Vanessa Perroncel's pubic hair? Is it, A - Brown, B - Black, C - Blonde or D - Ginger"

Wayne replies, "Can I phone a friend?"
 
salfordblue-tony2 said:
A man walks into a fishmongers with a salmon under his arm, and asks "Do you sell fish cakes?"
"Yes", came the reply. That's good it's his birthday.

lol .... Tommy Cooper I salute you.
 
A bit of a rude one!!!!



A couple were on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods. To find out what the par is for this damn hole."
 

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