Sometimes, sadly, the person that tries to keep everyone happy, and look after everyone else, is always the most lonely person, but they'll never say they need you.
Gary Speed, from what we've heard since his death, was a very well loved and respected man, that he was always there for everyone, cared about everyone, was great with the younger players, a great leader and nobody had a bad word to say about him. A true gent.
He was there for everyone it seems, but was there anyone there for him.
Football is a very tough game pressure wise, and you just wonder what we're watching these boys do to themselves. Top players, top manangers, the strain and stress and pressures they must be under are incredible.
You just got to wonder what happened, where it all went wrong. Remember back to when football was about..football. When you were a small one and saw those lads on the pitch on the telly and 10 minutes later you were out on the green with everyone else, 20 odd kids and a dog running after a ball. It wasn't about hatred or pressures, referee decisions or mistakes, or more importantly it wasn't about the business side of it, it wasn't about the media. It was about having fun. You and your mates and a game you loved, you were a small nipper and hell it was just about the beautiful game, and you played and played until you shouted at to come back in for your tea or until you couldn't see the ball anymore it was so dark. Those summer days seemed endless..and an eternity ago.
It was about joy and the fun, and getting muddy.
The culture of the English game is brutal, it's about resilliance, it's very English, it's show no emotion, show no weaknesses, until such times when there are pauses in the games where a bit of the real world floods in between the cracks.
The likes of Hillsborough, deaths, of players, of outside tragedies, natural disasters, things the sadden us for a moment, but sadly, that moment passes quicker than it came. But these things are recognised briefly and football, just like life moves on.
Yesterday we saw an exterme example of it in the Villa Swansea game, in all honesty it looked like both teams just collapsed on to the pitch, kicked the ball around, gave it a go, but their minds were in a different place. There were players there who were in no state of mind to play the game. Yes they were asked and said they'd play, but it just shouldn't have gone ahead.
Shay Given could barely see running towards his goals he was crying so much, he wasn't a bit upset, he was broken, he was weeping, had he not been told by Shearer earlier in the day and instead minutes before the game there was no way he could have played, James Collins was very upset as well, looked white as a ghost. They all did. A very sombre picture of the minutes silence.
Nobody seemed annoyed or bothered when the final whistle went. It was a tribute to him that they played but in so many ways they shouldn't have.
Football is a tough sport, an unforgiving, macho game, no support, no second chances. Gone are the days of long serving players, 5 minutes at one club, 10 at another etc. Who do you turn to when things get hard?
Sadly we'll move on quickly from it, and we'll have players running around like crazy celebrating goals, arguing bookings, sending offs etc. But the pain doesn't stop there, not for Given, Bellamy, etc all players who have been deeply hurt by it all.
But they'll tog out and be expected to play on, and we'll watch on with a sense of unease.
And for players with problems, they'll go unsaid, why? Because football is not the environment for any show of perceived weakness.
He'd everything to live for, sickening to think it's all over like that.
When we watch the next City game or we're shouting at another "Fergie moment" and thinking how unfair it is, give a thought to Gary Speed's family.
Football was such an important part of their lives, and now, to think it could have been a contribution to the death of a father and a husband.
What made him do it, we might never know, but you have to think that problems with the game was at the heart of it.
It makes you wonder when did all the fun and joy get drained out of us. That magic.
When did it become ok that we spread so much hate, when you have thousands of people shouting hate and homophobic/racist chants or just blindly insulting people without a second thought.
What the hell has happened to the game. That isn't my football, that's not what I grew up with.
Oh back to the days where you biggest worry was going home with a ruined pair of pants you promised you wouldn't play football in. We got lost somewhere along the way.
Pity it's sad circumstances like this that help us remember what we have.
