Getting old

chesterbells said:
Great post. Some good advice there too. I’d highlight/recommend those 4 words you used:
‘Get out. Do things’
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It’s advice I myself wished I’d adhered to at the time. Infact I did go out in fairness, but to the pub where I drank until its was numb. Two weeks off work doing that. What an idiot!
 
Fordyboy46 said:
I'm the same as you mate, mid fifties was fine until a few days ago when my life was turned upside down when me and my wife of 33 years decided on a trial separation( my mistakes). I'm now at my mum and dad's who are both in their 80's, and I'm feeling as though my world has come crashing right down. I can't see a future without her at the minute and that is playing on my mind constantly. Any advice from anyone would be much appreciated
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Keep your dignity, be polite, dont drink and dial. Respond to messages rather than send them. And try to relax. This happens to most of the population on earth.
 
WEMBLEY76 said:
Hi mate sorry to hear about your issues,this may not be for you but I attended a few sessions of Andy’s man club a few years ago with some other issues,and the story you have is quite common for men and I do remember thinking it was quite soothing for me to talk to other men about this type of situation,quite empowering at times,as I say it may not be your thing,just thought I would mention it,as it’s non judgmental and a safe space to talk if needed.
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Andy's man club really helped my brother out recently who was struggling with his mental health. I heard there's quite a few opening up as well, which is great news.
 
Fordyboy46 said:
I'm the same as you mate, mid fifties was fine until a few days ago when my life was turned upside down when me and my wife of 33 years decided on a trial separation( my mistakes). I'm now at my mum and dad's who are both in their 80's, and I'm feeling as though my world has come crashing right down. I can't see a future without her at the minute and that is playing on my mind constantly. Any advice from anyone would be much appreciated
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I too found myself that trial separation situation back in the early 90s, and it broke my heart as I found myself suddenly apart from the girl I'd known and loved since my schooldays, and my two young kids, she didn't even give me any reason for the separation happening, i felt devastated ..... i was in my mid thirties, and it took me a few years to get comfortable with life again, but time is a healer, and 33 years later though i still occasionally look back on the parting with deep regret, i don't dwell on it, i just get on with my life.

At the end of the day you can't force someone to love you, or want to be with you ... they have to WANT it as much as you do.
 
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Eaststander1 said:
I was in that trial separation situation back in the early 90s, and it broke my heart as I found myself suddenly apart from the girl I'd known and loved since my schooldays, and my two young kids, she didn't even give me any reason for the separation happening, i felt devastated ..... i was in my mid thirties, and it took me a few years to get comfortable with life again, but time is a healer, and 33 years later though i still occasionally look back on the parting with deep regret, i don't dwell on it, i just get on with my life.

At the end of the day you can't force someone to love you, or want to be with you ... they have to WANT it as much as you do.
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Yes mate, it's the thought of not being to do the simple things with her anymore like going out to the shops/pub, just being with her full stop that is killing me.
 
Fordyboy46 said:
Yes mate, it's the thought of not being to do the simple things with her anymore like going out to the shops/pub, just being with her full stop that is killing me.
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It was exactly the same with me .... we used to do karaoke together in pubs etc, and we took the kids to amusement parks etc, we went shopping, and visiting relatives, going on holidays etc, i loved it .... and then suddenly I was alone with only memories for comfort, and the life I loved had gone .... I had a few beers at Queens Road Irish centre one sunday evening and found myself in tears, walking aimlessly on a deserted road in the pouring rain at midnight on the way back ... but I just knew i couldn't go on like that, it was destroying me.

It hit me hard for quite a few years, and I still think back even now ..... but I will never pester, pressurise or harass someone into being with me, no matter how much I think of them, or how much it hurts ... so I just looked forwards, and handled the following years the best way I could.

So although it may feel like it's the end of your world right now, take it all in your stride, maintain your dignity, and don't do anything rash .... you never know, she may just have a re-think and give you the phone call you're longing to hear.
 
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Fordyboy46 said:
Yes mate, it's the thought of not being to do the simple things with her anymore like going out to the shops/pub, just being with her full stop that is killing me.
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Chin up pal, I know it's lazy advice but it really is the best because what you are going through is greiving in all but name. Give it time and get out there do things that are different and don't beat yourself up.

Best of luck blue.
 
I am in my mid 80s and have tried as best I can to look forward and enjoy the life I have and look forward to the rest of it.

Unfortunately my age now seems to be why DWP are requesting what they call a Life Certificate that effectively checks if I still alive.
Failure to respond stops my pension as does not responding within a certain timescale.

Talking to a couple of my elderly friends they wish me luck having had similar requests and actual Pension stoppages for postage difficulties. They advise me to ensure I register my postal reply otherwise they claim they have not received a reply and the process has to be duplicated.

Seemingly they consider emails not secure enough yet insist on an unreliable post.

Frankly I could do without age reminders that death is probably imminent.
 
SilverFox2 said:
I am in my mid 80s and have tried as best I can to look forward and enjoy the life I have and look forward to the rest of it.

Unfortunately my age now seems to be why DWP are requesting what they call a Life Certificate that effectively checks if I still alive.
Failure to respond stops my pension as does not responding within a certain timescale.

Talking to a couple of my elderly friends they wish me luck having had similar requests and actual Pension stoppages for postage difficulties. They advise me to ensure I register my postal reply otherwise they claim they have not received a reply and the process has to be duplicated.

Seemingly they consider emails not secure enough yet insist on an unreliable post.

Frankly I could do without age reminders that death is probably imminent.
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Semantics.
 
Fordyboy46 said:
Yes mate, it's the thought of not being to do the simple things with her anymore like going out to the shops/pub, just being with her full stop that is killing me.
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Pub not the answer can’t comment on trial separation but getting old and retired and having a cancer scare put a lot in perspective
My salvation was walking there are great outdoors on your doorstep get up Brushes Carrbrook Swineshaw dovestones Glossop Tintwhistle I’m never at home and also helps with mental health
 
SilverFox2 said:
Maybe.

In a way i understand that fraud from benefits exists so as long as all other forms of benefit are treated with direct letters and threats of non payment it is OK by me.

Unfortunately the letter tells me I have been selected.
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I was on the wind up mate. You used the word “imminent” and it’s a bit of an in joke on here that the reposte to that is usually “semantics”.
 
Fordyboy46 said:
I'm the same as you mate, mid fifties was fine until a few days ago when my life was turned upside down when me and my wife of 33 years decided on a trial separation( my mistakes). I'm now at my mum and dad's who are both in their 80's, and I'm feeling as though my world has come crashing right down. I can't see a future without her at the minute and that is playing on my mind constantly. Any advice from anyone would be much appreciated
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Been there, done that as a lot here will have. No one can give any perfect advice except chin up and crack on, it will and does get better
 
Fordyboy46 said:
I'm the same as you mate, mid fifties was fine until a few days ago when my life was turned upside down when me and my wife of 33 years decided on a trial separation( my mistakes). I'm now at my mum and dad's who are both in their 80's, and I'm feeling as though my world has come crashing right down. I can't see a future without her at the minute and that is playing on my mind constantly. Any advice from anyone would be much appreciated
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Keep your chin up mate. Bluemoon will put its arm round if you need it.
 
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