Graham Thorpe RIP

[Eccles Blue]

I attempted suicide about 18 years ago. It was brought on by my ex Mrs walking out with my 2 gitls aged 8 and 2. I started drinking heavily to help to blank out my feelings and help me sleep because I needed to sleep as I was grafting 50 to 60 hours week as a mobile telecoms rigger.

I carried on grafting and at weekends my girls stayed at my house. They meant everything to me and I devoted my free time to them. Football fishing and mates took a back seat but ever week I dropped them off at their mum's I drove away with tears streaming down my face. I remember driving to London one Monday morning and was dwelling on my sad life and the waterworks came on. My mate asked if I was OK and I said I had a cold as I didn't want to open up and tell him for fear of feeling embarrassed and a failure of being a proper dad.

One day I felt rock bottom and was near to my £3600 overdraft limit, although I'd already twice been over it when my card failed at the petrol station and supermarket. I climbed up the tower(as usual) and thought "fuck it I've had enough"!

I unhooked my lanyard clips from the steelwork and sat teetering on the edge on a 2" steel beam looking at where I would land. I counted down from 10 and was going to jump when I got to zero. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2.... At that point someone in my head shouted "get back inside the tower and clip on you selfish bastard"! I turned round and threw a clip onto steelwork and dragged myself back to safety shaking and gasping for breath.

The voice in my head saved my life because I'd already made my mind up to jump, was a very weird experience and I thought of leaving my girls family and friends behind, I did feel selfish but not at the time of thinking of ending it all.

I managed to get off alcohol and get back in the black in my bank account and concentrate on moving on which I did generally but I never wanted to be a part time dad, plus I still loved my ex Mrs dearly.

Hindsight is great afterwards but no fuckin ' use whatever at the time you need a bit of wisdom. If you ever feel down don't bottle it like I did, open your heart to someone you can trust and confide in. I told my doctor who suggested counselling which I refused, wish I hadn't tbh, would have helped me move on and sort my head out.

But hey ho, I'm still here battling on but some days aren't easy, even nowadays...

That post was very, very brave of you @BlueMoonRisin’. It can’t have been easy pulling yourself back but you did it and kudos to you.
I always try to encourage people to talk to someone, family, friends a doctor, Samaritans but I know from experience how hard that can be.
Thank you for sharing and I sincerely hope that it helps someone to realise there’s help out there and it can be done.
I hope you don’t mind me sending you a virtual hug or two? (:-) (:-)

 

[Nightmare Walking]

I attempted suicide about 18 years ago. It was brought on by my ex Mrs walking out with my 2 gitls aged 8 and 2. I started drinking heavily to help to blank out my feelings and help me sleep because I needed to sleep as I was grafting 50 to 60 hours week as a mobile telecoms rigger.

I carried on grafting and at weekends my girls stayed at my house. They meant everything to me and I devoted my free time to them. Football fishing and mates took a back seat but ever week I dropped them off at their mum's I drove away with tears streaming down my face. I remember driving to London one Monday morning and was dwelling on my sad life and the waterworks came on. My mate asked if I was OK and I said I had a cold as I didn't want to open up and tell him for fear of feeling embarrassed and a failure of being a proper dad.

One day I felt rock bottom and was near to my £3600 overdraft limit, although I'd already twice been over it when my card failed at the petrol station and supermarket. I climbed up the tower(as usual) and thought "fuck it I've had enough"!

I unhooked my lanyard clips from the steelwork and sat teetering on the edge on a 2" steel beam looking at where I would land. I counted down from 10 and was going to jump when I got to zero. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2.... At that point someone in my head shouted "get back inside the tower and clip on you selfish bastard"! I turned round and threw a clip onto steelwork and dragged myself back to safety shaking and gasping for breath.

The voice in my head saved my life because I'd already made my mind up to jump, was a very weird experience and I thought of leaving my girls family and friends behind, I did feel selfish but not at the time of thinking of ending it all.

I managed to get off alcohol and get back in the black in my bank account and concentrate on moving on which I did generally but I never wanted to be a part time dad, plus I still loved my ex Mrs dearly.

Hindsight is great afterwards but no fuckin ' use whatever at the time you need a bit of wisdom. If you ever feel down don't bottle it like I did, open your heart to someone you can trust and confide in. I told my doctor who suggested counselling which I refused, wish I hadn't tbh, would have helped me move on and sort my head out.

But hey ho, I'm still here battling on but some days aren't easy, even nowadays...

Fair play, mate Takes some balls to write that.
Treasure every moment you spend with your kids. You deserve every second after pulling yourself back from the brink.

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

That's incredibly power reading that, mate. You've probably articulated with a fine example what most of us will never understand.

Well done for coming through it. I'd like to think that you sit here today believing that you made the right decision.

Thanks pal, although I don't really understand it myself tbh.

I think Paul Weller sums it up(life) well in a line from the song 'Changing Man'.... "The more I know the less I understand, I'm the changing man, built on shifting sand".

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

That post was very, very brave of you @BlueMoonRisin’. It can’t have been easy pulling yourself back but you did it and kudos to you.
I always try to encourage people to talk to someone, family, friends a doctor, Samaritans but I know from experience how hard that can be.
Thank you for sharing and I sincerely hope that it helps someone to realise there’s help out there and it can be done.
I hope you don’t mind me sending you a virtual hug or two? (:-) (:-)

Thanks EB, I'll take a virtual hug, sod it I'll have two; )

And I always like reading your posts as my post of them cheer me up : ) x

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

Fair play, mate Takes some balls to write that.
Treasure every moment you spend with your kids. You deserve every second after pulling yourself back from the brink.

Thanks pal. Didn't really want tyo derail a thread but I thought I'd tell my ta let to try and help someone that they aren't alone if ever they felt or feel helpless.

 

[Eccles Blue]

Thanks pal. Didn't really want tyo derail a thread but I thought I'd tell my ta let to try and help someone that they aren't alone if ever they felt or feel helpless.

You didn't derail the thread, you put it into perspective. (:-)

 

[bluethrunthru]

Poor poor man - I can't imagine what was in Graham's mind but I hope he has found peace RIP

 

[GaudinoMotors]

I attempted suicide about 18 years ago. It was brought on by my ex Mrs walking out with my 2 gitls aged 8 and 2. I started drinking heavily to help to blank out my feelings and help me sleep because I needed to sleep as I was grafting 50 to 60 hours week as a mobile telecoms rigger.

I carried on grafting and at weekends my girls stayed at my house. They meant everything to me and I devoted my free time to them. Football fishing and mates took a back seat but ever week I dropped them off at their mum's I drove away with tears streaming down my face. I remember driving to London one Monday morning and was dwelling on my sad life and the waterworks came on. My mate asked if I was OK and I said I had a cold as I didn't want to open up and tell him for fear of feeling embarrassed and a failure of being a proper dad.

One day I felt rock bottom and was near to my £3600 overdraft limit, although I'd already twice been over it when my card failed at the petrol station and supermarket. I climbed up the tower(as usual) and thought "fuck it I've had enough"!

I unhooked my lanyard clips from the steelwork and sat teetering on the edge on a 2" steel beam looking at where I would land. I counted down from 10 and was going to jump when I got to zero. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2.... At that point someone in my head shouted "get back inside the tower and clip on you selfish bastard"! I turned round and threw a clip onto steelwork and dragged myself back to safety shaking and gasping for breath.

The voice in my head saved my life because I'd already made my mind up to jump, was a very weird experience and I thought of leaving my girls family and friends behind, I did feel selfish but not at the time of thinking of ending it all.

I managed to get off alcohol and get back in the black in my bank account and concentrate on moving on which I did generally but I never wanted to be a part time dad, plus I still loved my ex Mrs dearly.

Hindsight is great afterwards but no fuckin ' use whatever at the time you need a bit of wisdom. If you ever feel down don't bottle it like I did, open your heart to someone you can trust and confide in. I told my doctor who suggested counselling which I refused, wish I hadn't tbh, would have helped me move on and sort my head out.

But hey ho, I'm still here battling on but some days aren't easy, even nowadays...

But how are you? Are you getting help now? We're all here, probably useless, but we're here.

 

[PinkFinal]

Police found cricket legend Graham Thorpe dead after call to 'casualty on track'

Graham Thorpe's family have now spoken out about how he had been suffering from “major depression and anxiety” in recent years and said he took his own life

www.mirror.co.uk

Bloody hell. Railway. If you use that method you must be absolutely tortured. And not only that you know that there is an outside chance that you may survive but with hideous disabilities. Cowardly? No actually something that requires immense determination and immense mental suffering.
I would liken extreme depression to the worst fear it's possible to feel.

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

But how are you? Are you getting help now? We're all here, probably useless, but we're here.

I'm physically quite fit for 60 and aren't on longterm medication so that's good. However, my mental health is not good and has gotten worse these last two years since my mum died. I am over her death now but her will caused squabbling between my sister and brother and i. Long story but their greed has caused a family break up that I can't see healing and I'm not arsed about the money I'll eventually receive. I may eventually make up with my bro but won't with my sister. If she dies before me I won't attend her funeral because the love I once had for her died a long time ago.