Great sayings..

[Tommy_Catons_Perm]

My dad used to say to me... " In one ear, out the other.."

Tell a bloke and it's in one ear, out the other. Tell a woman and it's in one ear and out the gob.

 

[richardtheref]

A fovourite of mine from round our way. "I wish my cock was as thick as you".

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

It's only wrong if you get caught

 

[Halloween Jack]

Not exactly a saying but my father loved telling me it.

‘Brothers and sisters, I have none. But that man's father is my father's son.’

Surely he is looking in a mirror.

 

[Vicious111]

He who dies with the most money is still dead

 

[Blue_eyes]

An old work colleague of the wife,when asked about male acquaintances at a works do,said,with fag in one hand and pint in tother, look luv,I have had "enough cock to make a handrail from here to fcking London"!!

 

[Bill Walker]

You'd forget your balls if they weren't in a bag..

 

[Big mals fedora]

An old painter & decorator I sometimes worked with used to have a great social life, earnt plenty & went out, spent it & enjoyed it. He used to say , if anyone asked him if he put any away, “nah, shrouds don’t have pockets”.

 

[TFC]

Probably mentioned, but one of my faves -

He/she has a face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle.

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

That's about as much use as the popes dick.

 

[Trevor Morley's Tache]

"Two sniffs of that and you're a greedy bugger"

My Granny if anyone ever farted.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

You'd forget your balls if they weren't in a bag..

Another one similar from my dad...'you'd forget your head if it wasn't screwed on '

 

[urban genie]

This was a common one in our house while I was growing up.

Someone would say I thought .... and the reply from my gran would be "You onow what thought did?"
With some odd line like "Followed a muck cart, and thought it was a wedding".

 

[Big Swifty]

"After the Lord Mayor's Show comes the muck-cart" (as in yesterday at St Mary's)

 

[Tuearts right boot]

' Chin up lad, chin up.' From my gran.

 

[Bill Walker]

‘The trouble with always keeping both feet firmly on the ground is that you can never take your pants off.’

 

[Hayley Croppers chopper]

1, Prior preparation, prevents piss poor performance.

2, I’m going to see a man about a dog.

Proper prior preparation, prevents piss poor presentation.

 

[stevemacca]

Whenever anyone drops anything instead of the usual 'Sack the juggler' remark try this witty repost:

' Good job your balls are in a bag son, otherwise you'd be dropping those'

 

[Dirty Harry]

Whenever someone was whispering or muttering something under their breath, my Mam would pipe up “what you selling there” ?

 

[Hayley Croppers chopper]

A man while looking at a photograph said, "Brothers and sisters have I none. That man's father is my father's son." Who was the person in the photograph?

1. Who is my father's son? Answer. Me.
2. Who is the father of the man in the photograph?. Answer. Me.
3. Who is the man in the photograph? Answer. My son.

I am not surprised you don’t get this conundrum @Stoned Rose , do you know @Tommy_Catons_Perm or any of his family?