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inchy14
Well-Known Member
I’m pretty sure she does now!
And thanks.
You're welcome, some fucker has to keep your feet on the ground!!
gordondaviesmoustache
Well-Known Member
That is very fair comment :-)You're welcome, some fucker has to keep your feet on the ground!!
BlueHammer85
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 13 Oct 2010
- Messages
- 36,997
Raised my ex girlfriends kid from birth, was there at her birth, named her and saw her till her 5th birthday - then one night my ex didn’t return home, I put the little one to sleep and stayed up all night trying to contact her - turned out she was sleeping with another fella - fast forward couple weeks, all my belongings out the front, no money and nowhere to live. Lost the girl I loved and even worse the daughter I loved.
Couple of very good mates took me under there wing, joined a dating site and fast forward a few years I’m now a happily married man too Mrs BlueHammer, didn’t think I’d ever get through that period but I did. When you lose everything, don’t lose hope.
Up the Hammers.
Couple of very good mates took me under there wing, joined a dating site and fast forward a few years I’m now a happily married man too Mrs BlueHammer, didn’t think I’d ever get through that period but I did. When you lose everything, don’t lose hope.
Up the Hammers.
stonerblue
Well-Known Member
Never.
stonerblue
Well-Known Member
Yes just once, truly fucked me up for about 5 or 6 years, very, very painfull...all I could do was think about her, I was like a wounded dog.
We had lived together for 2 years but she fell for somebody else whom she married and had 2 kids, she now lives in Florida.
I eventually met my wife and we had our kids. Im glad it happened now as my missus is a much nicer person and we have had a great marriage for 33 years.
The other girl I still think about on rare occasions and I still have old photos, she kinda lives inside me and I remember the good times we had. I wish it had never happened though, it took me a long time to get over her.....Love is a very powerfull thing.
During the painfull period I continually listened to this song by Neil Young
cheerier version
stonerblue
Well-Known Member
She had her hand in glove when she snapped it
Are you still ill?
Blue Til Death
Well-Known Member
City and their opponents have broken mine a fair few times over the years but never a woman, they have pissed me off and stolen all my money though, that's for sure.. ;-)
Magicpole
Well-Known Member
Yes I have, a couple of times. It was very, very difficult both times. It was like a bereavement. The first time is the worst, you really bottom out for a time.
The biggest shock for me was how much it affected me. I am not a person who buckles, or I should say I wasn’t. But I did. That was a shock. I still functioned at work, I still gave the appearance outwardly that I was strong, but inside I didn’t feel that way.
I am a product of my upbringing, my city, my working class culture that put a lid on how I coped. Looking back that lid only served to keep the emotions bubbling with nowhere to go. I’m not talking about going to my friends and breaking down. My conditioning could not allow me to do that. But as time went by, I realised I had to give myself the room to grieve on my own.
I did this and although it was still very painful, it allowed me to stop beating myself up for being hurt. We Glaswegians are known for many things, sitting about crying and getting hugs isn’t on the list. Particularly those from my generation.
The second time was as painful, but the the recovery was quicker and the lessons learned helped me stop falling into, or I should say, throwing myself into a self pitying pit. It’s ok to feel self pity, it’s ok to be really hurt, but you need to try and prevent being engulfed.
Sitting in the house stewing is required for a time. That’s absolutely normal. You need to force yourself to get out. To go and see your mates. To try and laugh. My brother used to call me Portable Gallows. It made me laugh. The humour of my city and yours is brutal at times, but it comes from a good place.
The ability to say Fuck it, is the start of the journey back. It doesn’t shorten the journey, you don’t dodge the bullet, it has your name on it. What it does do is makes the path less dark.
You have to be open to letting yourself recover. If you tell yourself you will never get over them, you probably won’t. Or at least you make that journey much longer.
Eventually you will get by it and be able to accept it, it’s not going to change, they ain’t coming back so you need to tell yourself that. It’s holding onto a hopeless wish that keeps you under.
The sun gets up every morning. You need to do the same. The two people I never thought I could be happy without, proved to be a wrong assumption. I can think of them both now without feeling pain. I don’t regret them being in my life, but more importantly. I realise that they weren’t the sum of my life.
I am.
And how I look at myself determines my happiness. Other people can make that better, but they don’t define you.
It’s hard but it’s survivable. There is no magic wand for happiness. But there is a cudgel we use on ourselves that can make us continually miserable. Put that fucker away. Take the pain as there isn’t an option, but give yourself a fighting chance by allowing yourself the option to at least try to move on.
A better future is waiting, even if it’s only an end to the level of pain you find yourself in, that alone is worth going for.
One more thing. If you start to see other people, let them know you are not in a position to jump straight back into an emotional situation. They can then make the decision to see you and you won’t have the guilt of hurting someone else by stepping on them to keep your head above water. You know what pain feels like, don’t pass that on by not being honest about where you are.
That’s not honourable. Plenty of people feel the same. Find them and you will heal.
Good luck to anyone in this situation. It’s part of life. It isn’t your whole life though. That’s the bottom line.
The biggest shock for me was how much it affected me. I am not a person who buckles, or I should say I wasn’t. But I did. That was a shock. I still functioned at work, I still gave the appearance outwardly that I was strong, but inside I didn’t feel that way.
I am a product of my upbringing, my city, my working class culture that put a lid on how I coped. Looking back that lid only served to keep the emotions bubbling with nowhere to go. I’m not talking about going to my friends and breaking down. My conditioning could not allow me to do that. But as time went by, I realised I had to give myself the room to grieve on my own.
I did this and although it was still very painful, it allowed me to stop beating myself up for being hurt. We Glaswegians are known for many things, sitting about crying and getting hugs isn’t on the list. Particularly those from my generation.
The second time was as painful, but the the recovery was quicker and the lessons learned helped me stop falling into, or I should say, throwing myself into a self pitying pit. It’s ok to feel self pity, it’s ok to be really hurt, but you need to try and prevent being engulfed.
Sitting in the house stewing is required for a time. That’s absolutely normal. You need to force yourself to get out. To go and see your mates. To try and laugh. My brother used to call me Portable Gallows. It made me laugh. The humour of my city and yours is brutal at times, but it comes from a good place.
The ability to say Fuck it, is the start of the journey back. It doesn’t shorten the journey, you don’t dodge the bullet, it has your name on it. What it does do is makes the path less dark.
You have to be open to letting yourself recover. If you tell yourself you will never get over them, you probably won’t. Or at least you make that journey much longer.
Eventually you will get by it and be able to accept it, it’s not going to change, they ain’t coming back so you need to tell yourself that. It’s holding onto a hopeless wish that keeps you under.
The sun gets up every morning. You need to do the same. The two people I never thought I could be happy without, proved to be a wrong assumption. I can think of them both now without feeling pain. I don’t regret them being in my life, but more importantly. I realise that they weren’t the sum of my life.
I am.
And how I look at myself determines my happiness. Other people can make that better, but they don’t define you.
It’s hard but it’s survivable. There is no magic wand for happiness. But there is a cudgel we use on ourselves that can make us continually miserable. Put that fucker away. Take the pain as there isn’t an option, but give yourself a fighting chance by allowing yourself the option to at least try to move on.
A better future is waiting, even if it’s only an end to the level of pain you find yourself in, that alone is worth going for.
One more thing. If you start to see other people, let them know you are not in a position to jump straight back into an emotional situation. They can then make the decision to see you and you won’t have the guilt of hurting someone else by stepping on them to keep your head above water. You know what pain feels like, don’t pass that on by not being honest about where you are.
That’s not honourable. Plenty of people feel the same. Find them and you will heal.
Good luck to anyone in this situation. It’s part of life. It isn’t your whole life though. That’s the bottom line.
Last edited:
che_don_john
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 7 Nov 2011
- Messages
- 729
Once. She was, to put it mildly, a bit of a shit (likely a sociopath, possibly a psychopath) and so in some ways it needed to happen, but it bloody hurt at the time and messed me up a little. Still aches a little when I think about it; I think that's natural when that person is your first love and when you've had your pride and confidence severely dented.
I've read that men take these things much harder than women, and I think that's probably true. We tend to be less shocked when men behave badly, become abusive, etc, as if it's more normalised or expected, but when women are like that towards men we feel emasculated and weakened. Definitely character-building, though; such things can make or break you, so you have to make sure it's the former. Years later I'm now engaged and in a much better relationship with a better person.
Also, my advice to anyone who goes through it is to not go shagging about. People tell you that it helps (even my parents encouraged it!), but it really doesn't. Just makes you feel worse and detached. Spend your time with mates instead, and let time do the work.
I've read that men take these things much harder than women, and I think that's probably true. We tend to be less shocked when men behave badly, become abusive, etc, as if it's more normalised or expected, but when women are like that towards men we feel emasculated and weakened. Definitely character-building, though; such things can make or break you, so you have to make sure it's the former. Years later I'm now engaged and in a much better relationship with a better person.
Also, my advice to anyone who goes through it is to not go shagging about. People tell you that it helps (even my parents encouraged it!), but it really doesn't. Just makes you feel worse and detached. Spend your time with mates instead, and let time do the work.
Very good point, I know exactly what you mean. I'd always though myself impervious to heartache, so perhaps the hardest part was learning just how fragile I could be, and how much I could care. You don't know it until it happens.The biggest shock for me was how much it affected me. I am not a person who buckles, or I should say I wasn’t. But I did. That was a shock. I still functioned at work, I still gave the appearance outwardly that I was strong, but inside I didn’t feel that way.