Im on holiday right now. It's boring as fuck. The only thing to do during the day is sit on a lounger frying in the sun or go in the overpopulated pool filled with young kids and loud yanks. If you do choose to sit in a lounger you're constantly bomarded with requests to join in for a game of pool volleyball or horseshoe on the beach, trying your best to politely decline when what ypu really want to do is tell them to fuck off and leave you alone, its the 5th day running where i've told the spa saleswoman i dont require any treatments yet she still stops and asks the same fucking question.
The beach is a no go zone as its completely covered in seaweed and stinks like a public lav, and if the winds blowing a particular direction you get the full waft of it all day by the pool. I cant even get pissed to numb the emptiness of it all as the 'cocktails' they serve up seem to be the minimum splash, and i mean splash, of alcohol put in a blender with a load of ice and some sugary gloop that your meant to drink.
As for dining arrangements, fuck me, i've never known anything like it. Breakfast is good, i'll give them that, plenty of choice and the woman on the ommlette station serves up some bang on eggs over easy. After that though it descends into pure chaos. There are 5 dining options over 5 different areas, the main one is the 'world buffet' which opens at 6pm is open to all guests serving up a range of food from around the world in help yourself buffet style. The remaining 4 restaurants are Italian, French, Asian (chinese and japanese and Thai) and Mexican, however these are all a fixed menu with a waiter taking your order, the problem is you cant prebook any of these restaurants and are told at reception when you check-in that they all operate on a first come first serve basis, as you can imagine this ridiculous arrangement leads to what i can only describe as a stressful and ultimately non existant dinning experience. Last night we rocked up at the world buffet but none.of the food being served took our fancy, no problem, we'll just go to one of the other ones, we tried the French, but only found out when we got there that you have to wear 'long trousers with shoes and a collared shirt' (we werent made aware of this either at time of booking or upon arrival at the hotel), i explained i dont have any but would jeans and trainers suffice, "im afraid not sir". When i looked inside the place was completely empty so asked if the policy could be relaxed as no one seems to be eating in there anyway, again "im afraid not sir." Ive since found out that place barely gets used as no bugger is aware of the dress policy and seeing as its 35 deegrees day and night i doubt anyone is thinking 'i must make sure i pack my Farahs, just in case'. So we then go to the Asian restaurant only to be told its at leas a two hour wait, "ok then, can i book table for 2 hours from now then please?", "Im sorry sir, we dont take bookings, its first come first serve."
What fuckinga ridiculous way to run your catering operation, we ended going back to the room and eating oreo biscuits and lays crisps.
I want to go home, got to wait till Monday for that though.
