Honestly, I came to the realisation in the past couple of years or so, that I don't have many at all.
the people who I can count on the most are family and my missus. We have a very tight-nit family, at least my mother, my sister and I; and my girlfriend is, along with them, the finest person I've encountered.
My biggest problem is that I have a lot of difficulty opening up and actually talking and communicating with people. I find it incredibly difficult to talk through any problems I have (that's including with the above), and I think consequently people don't tend to see a softer side to me.
I've always been there to listen to my friends problems, even colleagues problems. for some reason at my last place of work, I seemed to (involuntarily) became the person that people came to with their personal stuff. I didn't mind it (though I certainly didn't like it), but I had a lot of people crying in my office, weird as that may sound.
I had a pretty rough spell about two months ago, and for the first time in my life I realised that I actually needed to speak to someone. It wasn't the biggest issue in the world, it wasn't the worst that I will go through, and many have many more problems; but at the time it felt awful. I looked through my phonebook, and realised that there was no one to call (came on here in the end).
I probably have two friends who I could actually say would be able to help me out, I guess my biggest problem is asking them two. I know they would, I know they'd help, but I have a problem asking I guess.
I used to have more, maybe five or six, some from uni, and some from where I used to live, and one who I have been great friends with since we were about 8.
unfortunately people move away, it becomes harder to stay in touch, and gradually that friendship erodes. The latter of the above moved to asia for 3 years and came back the complete opposite of what I remember.
That said, I changed as well. For a long time I was working in a horrible environment. I was like a worm festering in the belly of capitalism. Everything was targets, KPI's, bonuses, money, cocaine etc. Not that there is anything wrong with financial incentives and bonuses, but the environment at this office was toxic. People would fuck each other over, laud it over one another. I didn't realised how much I hated it, nor how much it had turned me into a complete arsehole.
I pushed a lot of people away with my actions, including nearly my girlfriend.
I hope to make up for it in the future.
I am however, greatful to have a large number of friends (not good friends) but people who I can call up and go for a drink with. But in life, I think one needs to have more than that.
too long, didn't read:
probably 2, but loads of "mates"
