How smelly are your farts?

[ali benarbia's studs]

The says I am not human
I have two dogs one loves my farts and the other moves away in disgust.

The ungrateful bastard.

 

[MouldensChippy]

Sometimes they're all bark with no bite, sometimes they leave the bosslady hanging her head out of the bedroom window. As another has said, one of our dogs doesn't care, but the puppy legs it after I drop a noisy one.

The worst it got was many years ago when switching from cigarettes to vapes. the bedroom was so bad that I couldn't stand my own farts......... They would have made cadaver maggots gag at that point !

 

[lefty goldblatt]

The old saying is that your relationship is meaningful when you start smelling your own farts in bed with him or her.

... another old one

Farts are like children
You don't mind your own
You CAN'T STAND other people's

 

[Bournemouth Blue]

Careful guys! This is precisely what the Chinese are looking for by spying on social media. They can use this information to clone the smelliest farters to wipe out the Western population.

 

[Sky Blue Thinking]

As a teen I went through a stage of drinking canned Boddies. I'd been at a party with my sister and in her fellas car on the way back, I did a Boddies fart and held her hair up as she threw up into a bag

Boddingtons farts created foul eggy odours

 

[TinFoilHat]

The says I am not human
I have two dogs one loves my farts and the other moves away in disgust.

Mine used my farts as a declaration of war and would fire back in unison.

 

[MadchesterCity]

Guinness and Smithwicks can ruin me, chick pea currys and i have to live solo on an island.

Guiness has alot to answer for, I once cleared a bar out when I released a weapon of ass destruction

 

[ChicagoBlue]

Wheat Thins do me in. And hummus. And onions. And mushrooms.

So, an appetizer plate of hummus and crackers, followed by a nice steak with mushrooms and onions is an unwritten, but clearly understood, warning to Mrs CB that she needs to hermetically seal the blankets or she’s in for a rough night!

Throw in a few pints with dinner and there’s not a set of sheets that can hold it in, I don’t believe!

P.S. When I used to play football, a few of the lads would play “Fart Tennis” at the back of the bus. Needed about 6 or 8 lads split into 2 teams. Someone would “serve” and the other team would get a few minutes to return serve. Always fun after a nice dinner stop. Played it with burps, too, but there are too many people who can swallow air and burp for fun!

 

[staffsblue]

Mine were lethal on Saturday night after having a Nargis Kebab as a starter from my local curry house. For those who haven't sampled these delacicies, they are basically tandoori scotch eggs wrapped in a blanket of omelette.
And I devoured one of these beauties after several different stouts and sours from the craft beer pub next door.
Stenchtastic!

 

[Cellarite]

I've only shit myself once but it was spectacular - Bending down to take the chocks from an aircraft wheel (moderately hung-over and feeling delicate). The act of bending increased the pressure of my large intestine enough to eject liquid magma from my body at the force of a small volcanic eruption.

Fantastic! You've only been asked how smelly your air biscuits are but you've gone straight in with a tale of soiling your undercrackers. Good work.