MMA
Well-Known Member
Q. Whats the difference between oral and anal sex?
A. One makes your day the other makes your hole weak.!!
A. One makes your day the other makes your hole weak.!!
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Joke of the Week!
- Thread starter Biggsy1
- Start date
droylsdenblue
Well-Known Member
Man goes to doctors with one ball bigger than the other.
Doctor...lets have a look
Man...no, youll laugh
Doctor...i wont im a doctor
Man...no, youll laugh
Doctor...ffs im a doctor
man...ok...drops strides and gets ball out as big a melon
Doctor...hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahah
man..right you cnut, im not showing you the big one
Doctor...lets have a look
Man...no, youll laugh
Doctor...i wont im a doctor
Man...no, youll laugh
Doctor...ffs im a doctor
man...ok...drops strides and gets ball out as big a melon
Doctor...hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahah
man..right you cnut, im not showing you the big one
jimharri
Moderator
A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot.
"What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, and it's an absolute steal at only twenty pounds."
"Why is it so cheap?" the woman asks.
"Well", replies the assistant, "it used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity".
"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, "I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot". So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home.
Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman, "fuck me, a new brothel and a new madam".
"I'm not a madam and this is not a brothel," scolds the womantrying not to laugh.A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home.
"Un fucking-believable: a new brothel, a new madam, and now two new prostitutes," says the parrot when he sees the daughters.
"Mum, tell your parrot to shut up, we're not prostitutes," complain the girls, but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet.
A short while later, the woman's husband, Dave, comes home.
"In-fucking-credible: a new brothel, a new madam, new prostitutes, but the same old clients.... How ya doin', Dave?"
"What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, and it's an absolute steal at only twenty pounds."
"Why is it so cheap?" the woman asks.
"Well", replies the assistant, "it used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity".
"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, "I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot". So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home.
Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman, "fuck me, a new brothel and a new madam".
"I'm not a madam and this is not a brothel," scolds the womantrying not to laugh.A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home.
"Un fucking-believable: a new brothel, a new madam, and now two new prostitutes," says the parrot when he sees the daughters.
"Mum, tell your parrot to shut up, we're not prostitutes," complain the girls, but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet.
A short while later, the woman's husband, Dave, comes home.
"In-fucking-credible: a new brothel, a new madam, new prostitutes, but the same old clients.... How ya doin', Dave?"
wrongun73
Well-Known Member
apparently the 13 year old kid thats just become a dad is joining fathers for justice.
doesnt give a fuck about politics but he's made up with the spiderman suit.
doesnt give a fuck about politics but he's made up with the spiderman suit.
Zuriblue
Well-Known Member
I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other day.
We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.
"Wow!" I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now.
I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me."
She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!
"Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days.
" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.
She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute.
"Anyway, I've put on a couple of pounds myself," she giggled.
So I told her to f*ck off.
We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.
"Wow!" I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now.
I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me."
She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!
"Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days.
" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.
She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute.
"Anyway, I've put on a couple of pounds myself," she giggled.
So I told her to f*ck off.
Zuriblue
Well-Known Member
The Ferrari Formula 1 team fires their entire pit crew.
The announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the UK Government's Youth Opportunity Scheme and employ people from Liverpool.
The decision to hire them followed a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from the Toxteth and Anfield areas of Liverpool were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew can only do it in 8 seconds with millions of euros worth of high tech equipment.
As most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari thought they had the advantage over every team.
However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for. At the first practice session, the Toxteth & Anfield pit crew successfully changed the tyres in less than 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the vehicle to the McLaren team for 8 bottles of WKD Irn Bru, a kilo of speed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's bird in the shower
The announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the UK Government's Youth Opportunity Scheme and employ people from Liverpool.
The decision to hire them followed a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from the Toxteth and Anfield areas of Liverpool were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew can only do it in 8 seconds with millions of euros worth of high tech equipment.
As most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari thought they had the advantage over every team.
However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for. At the first practice session, the Toxteth & Anfield pit crew successfully changed the tyres in less than 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the vehicle to the McLaren team for 8 bottles of WKD Irn Bru, a kilo of speed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's bird in the shower
der-bomber
Well-Known Member
Max Clifford has just got one of his clients a part in the new Richard Curtis film.....
lts called.....
1 Wedding, 4 Weeks and A Funeral.
lts called.....
1 Wedding, 4 Weeks and A Funeral.
der-bomber
Well-Known Member
I just wanted to show that we Germans have a sense of humour....
Anyway, my Grandfather was killed in a Concentration camp.....
He fell out of a Machine-gun tower.
Just joking.......he only broke his arm.
Anyway, my Grandfather was killed in a Concentration camp.....
He fell out of a Machine-gun tower.
Just joking.......he only broke his arm.
CarolinaBlue
Well-Known Member
der-bomber said:I just wanted to show that we Germans have a sense of humour....
Anyway, my Grandfather was killed in a Concentration camp.....
He fell out of a Machine-gun tower.
Just joking.......he only broke his arm.
PSML!
Am I going to hell now?