Joke thread

[Bill Walker]

When is it bad luck to see a black cat?





When you are a mouse.

 

[RadcliffeRick]

When is it bad luck to see a black cat?





When you are a mouse.

Thank fuck @Lavinda Past is back!! :-)

 

[dronefromsector7G]

Thank fuck @Lavinda Past is back!! :-)

Did you just fall off the Petronas Towers?

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

Thank fuck @Lavinda Past is back!! :-)

He's back ?

 

[AliBobbyJ]

View attachment 123082

They went to dig up Beethoven's grave and opened the coffin. They found him furiously ripping all his symphonies to shreds, paper scattered everywhere. They asked what the heck he was doing.

"Decomposing" he said.

 

[AliBobbyJ]

"My wife's gone to the West Indies."
"Jamaica?"
"No, she .... "

(some might know the end.)

 

[Grassland Blue]

I’m sure one already exists, you’ll just have to do a bit of digging to find it!

A friend of mine is an archaeologist.
He once found an old tampon but didn't know from which period.....

 

[its a Barm]

Proper jokes not like that other rubbish

 

[Tuearts right boot]

"My wife's gone to the West Indies."
"Jamaica?"
"No, she .... "

(some might know the end.)

" I dont know, Alaska "

 

[Lavinda Past]

"My wife's gone to the West Indies."
"Jamaica?"
"No, she .... "

(some might know the end.)

Left her bike outside the chippy?

 

[Blue Mist]

View attachment 123087

That is not a joke that is just a brilliant idea. I'm envious of the guy who thought that up.

 

[Bill Walker]

That is not a joke that is just a brilliant idea. I'm envious of the guy who thought that up.

Actually thought of you when I posted it.

 

[Bill Walker]

Thank fuck @Lavinda Past is back!! :-)

Well , I hope he doesn't think he can just waltz back in here..

 

[Lavinda Past]

Well , I hope he doesn't think he can just waltz back in here..

Waltz...?

I'll have to bloody limbo to get under the low bar of jokes that you lot have set in my absence.

 

[Lavinda Past]

The other night my missus and I parked in a quiet road for a bit of fun when a policeman caught us...

He gave me a ticket for doing 69 in a 30mph zone!

 

[Lavinda Past]

Scientists say that it may be possible to live on Mars…

I tried it for a month and put on two stones and now I'm diabetic!

 

[Grassland Blue]

A sign at the entrance to a farm read " special - 3 legged chickens for sale".
Bloke goes up to the farmer and says, "Now mate, these 3 legged chickens,what do they taste like"?

Farmer says, " I don't know, I haven't been able to catch one yet"!

 

[AliBobbyJ]

" I dont know, Alaska "

She said she went for a brand new cardigan or something.