Joke thread

A man on business trip entered a hotel where he intended to stay for a few nights.

Before he checked in he noticed a very beautiful young woman smiling at him.

Going over to make small talk, he ended up going with her to the desk, and to avoid gossip, announced that she was his wife and that they wanted to get a premium suite.

After a couple of nights together, she left while he stayed over one more night. When he went to check out, he was handed a bill for $11,658.

“There must be some mistake,” he complained, “I’ve only been here for three nights.” “That’s true,” the clerk explained, “but your wife has been here for two months.”
 
Grassland Blue said:
A friend of mine is an archaeologist.
He once found an old tampon but didn't know from which period.....
Click to expand...
Not a joke but a true story from an old very crude friend of mine, Greggsy. We were on a lads holiday and as always late at night the subject was sex (yes young uns, us FOC's were just the same as you, sex wasn't invented by your generation).

Anyway, Greggsy's tale, not verbatim obviously:

"I met this girl in a club in Ashton, went back to her place, got down to the nitty gritty, thought I'd get down and get with it so south I go, thought there was a bit of something unusual down there, came back up for oxygen, feeling like something wasn't right. Went to the bathroom and realised the girl had obviously reached a different part of the month"

The punchline which had us all pissing our sides like a bunch of hyenas (bear in mind we were bladdered):

" I looked like Mr Ribena Head"

Sorry if I've put you off your red wine or rum and coke.
 
hammocity said:
Not a joke but a true story from an old very crude friend of mine, Greggsy. We were on a lads holiday and as always late at night the subject was sex (yes young uns, us FOC's were just the same as you, sex wasn't invented by your generation).

Anyway, Greggsy's tale, not verbatim obviously:

"I met this girl in a club in Ashton, went back to her place, got down to the nitty gritty, thought I'd get down and get with it so south I go, thought there was a bit of something unusual down there, came back up for oxygen, feeling like something wasn't right. Went to the bathroom and realised the girl had obviously reached a different part of the month"

The punchline which had us all pissing our sides like a bunch of hyenas (bear in mind we were bladdered):

" I looked like Mr Ribena Head"

Sorry if I've put you off your red wine or rum and coke.
Click to expand...
That's funný.

P.S. You know the rules LoL.
 
AliBobbyJ said:
"My wife's gone to the West Indies."
"Jamaica?"
"No, she .... "

(some might know the end.)
Click to expand...
My wife's gone to Indonesia
Jakarta?
No, she went by plane

My wife's going
to Provence to see the old papal palace.
Avignon?
No, she's deadly serious

I know this youmg woman from a university in North Wales.
Bangor?
No, we're just good friends,,,,
 
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