Joke thread

[manclad]

I’ve got a great one but it’s long and I can’t be arsed writing it out. You would have loved it. I’m laughing now.

There's an Englishman,an Irishman and a Scotsman.
They all go into a bar ........

 

[Fred_Quimby]

I’ve got a great one but it’s long and I can’t be arsed writing it out. You would have loved it. I’m laughing now.

Your right, it is long but very, very funny.

 

[Magicpole]

There's an Englishman,an Irishman and a Scotsman.
They all go into a bar ........

They sit and are served their drinks, talk about important shit like men, take the piss, laugh, call each other a **** about 1,000 times, laugh some more, argue about football, talk about how their partners got them sussed, leave, go for food, order too much, wake up covered in pakora and chilli sauce, meet up the next day and ask whose idea was the tequila shots at the end.

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

They sit and are served their drinks, talk about important shit like men, take the piss, laugh, call each other a **** about 1,000 times, laugh some more, argue about football, talk about how their partners got them sussed, leave, go for food, order too much, wake up covered in pakora and chilli sauce, meet up the next day and ask whose idea was the tequila shots at the end.

That’s gas.

 

[Magicpole]

That’s gas.

I don’t know what that means. I immediately go to farts.

 

[Magicpole]

That’s gas.

I don’t know what that means. I immediately go to farts.

 

[manclad]

They sit and are served their drinks, talk about important shit like men, take the piss, laugh, call each other a **** about 1,000 times, laugh some more, argue about football, talk about how their partners got them sussed, leave, go for food, order too much, wake up covered in pakora and chilli sauce, meet up the next day and ask whose idea was the tequila shots at the end.

I am imagining Dave Allen ( sat on his stool,with a glass of whisky in one hand,and a cigarette in the other,the one with 4 digits) and I KNOW he would have come up with a great punch line to this joke!!!
Must try harder Magicpole !!!!

 

[mat]

A man wakes up one morning to find that he's grown a thick beard and is wearing a turban....

Being disoriented, he calls his boss in order to see if he can get the day off.

Man: "Boss, I just woke up with a turban and a long, thick beard. I think I need a day to figure things out."

Boss: " So what are you saying....?"

Man: "I'm calling in Sikh."

 

[Magicpole]

I am imagining Dave Allen ( sat on his stool,with a glass of whisky in one hand,and a cigarette in the other,the one with 4 digits) and I KNOW he would have come up with a great punch line to this joke!!!
Must try harder Magicpole !!!!

You’re are so persistent. Talk to somebody.

ok then.

the Irishman says, it wasn’t me, if I didn’t order Guinnesss, I wouldn’t be allowed home and people would shun me.

The Scotsman said, I would be publicly shot if I ordered anything but a Malt, or a bottle of Buckie.

The Englishman, seeing how this was heading......

Finish off the line. All welcome, let’s see your Manc wit, it’s legendary, don’t let it down. No pressure. Shit lines will be hideously mocked.

 

[Magicpole]

I got a job with the Samaritans but had to give it up.

I called in sick one morning and the cunts talked me out of it.