Joke thread

[mancity2012_eamo]

First It was ‘levelling up’ Now it is ‘trickling down’ Next is ‘fuck me sideways’

Have faith my son.
Just remember there’s a big difference between kneeling down and bending over. FZ

 

[bluebc]

 

[Dogtanian]

Waited fucking hours to get Tom Hanks signature and all he wrote was Thanks

 

[JRockBlues]

A naked man broke into a church. The police arrived and he led them a merry chase. They finally caught him by the organ.

---

Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

My daughter just walked into the living room and said "Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out throw all my clothes out of the window take my TV, iPhone, iPad and my laptop and give it to my brother.
Take all of my jewellery to the salvation army or Cash Converters.
Sell my car, take my front door key off me, throw me out into the street and disown me.
Oh and don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my sister".

Well she didn't put it quite like that, what she actually said was:

"Dad this is my new boyfriend Stevie and he's a massive Liverpool fan.”

 

[GornikDaze]

Have faith my son.
Just remember there’s a big difference between kneeling down and bending over. FZ

At least he had 20 million dollars in his heavenly bank account ;)

 

[JASR]

My daughter just walked into the living room and said "Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out throw all my clothes out of the window take my TV, iPhone, iPad and my laptop and give it to my brother.
Take all of my jewellery to the salvation army or Cash Converters.
Sell my car, take my front door key off me, throw me out into the street and disown me.
Oh and don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my sister".

Well she didn't put it quite like that, what she actually said was:

"Dad this is my new boyfriend Stevie and he's a massive Liverpool fan.”

unusual name for a Norwegian

 

[blue44]

i

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]