BlueBearBoots
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 15 Jan 2009
- Messages
- 11,789
TangerineSteve17 said:
Haha I do love your jokes
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Haha I do love your jokes
D
D
dronefromsector7g
Guest
Give him a lolBlueBearBoots said:TangerineSteve17 said:This bloke said to me "I'm gonna hit you over the head with the neck of my guitar!"
I said "Is that a fret?"
Got stung by a bee the other day. £20 for a jar of honey...couldn't believe it.
I went bobsleighing last week. Killed 12 Bobs.
Haha I do love your jokes
I won't be offended
jimharri
Moderator
Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked and playing with himself in front of a tractor. Mick says, "Jaysus Paddy, what’re ye doing?"
Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been gettin’ on in the bedroom lately & the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor.....”
Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been gettin’ on in the bedroom lately & the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor.....”
Tuearts right boot
Well-Known Member
Bigg Bigg Blue said:Mods, please ban this man from this thread.
Or any other were a sense of humour may be involved, please.
Chipmeister
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 27 Jan 2010
- Messages
- 2,224
jimharri said:Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked and playing with himself in front of a tractor. Mick says, "Jaysus Paddy, what’re ye doing?"
Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been gettin’ on in the bedroom lately & the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor.....”
That's tickled me , a few half pissed Aussies have even managed a smile at that one.
jimharri
Moderator
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.
He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend:
"I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned
in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.They approached him and one of the students said to him;
''Excuse me We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you were walking; however, we couldn't agree on the
condition you might have, could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said; "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine
medical students think."
The first student said; "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."
The old man said; "You thought well- but you are wrong."
The other student said; "I think you have Zovitzki
Syndrome."
The old man said; "You thought well too - but you also are wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, Sir, what do you have?"
The old man said; "Well, I thought it was gas... but I was wrong, too!"
He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend:
"I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned
in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.They approached him and one of the students said to him;
''Excuse me We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you were walking; however, we couldn't agree on the
condition you might have, could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said; "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine
medical students think."
The first student said; "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."
The old man said; "You thought well- but you are wrong."
The other student said; "I think you have Zovitzki
Syndrome."
The old man said; "You thought well too - but you also are wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, Sir, what do you have?"
The old man said; "Well, I thought it was gas... but I was wrong, too!"
TangerineSteve17
Well-Known Member
If I had a pound for every stray dog I saw...there wouldn't be any stray dogs.
My wife is going through the change. I've got to stop leaving money in my dirty jeans.
My brother is a soldier. He's not a real soldier, he's a thin strip of buttered toast.
My wife is going through the change. I've got to stop leaving money in my dirty jeans.
My brother is a soldier. He's not a real soldier, he's a thin strip of buttered toast.
moonshiner
Well-Known Member
XX = Women
YY = Men
YYY = Delilah
YY = Men
YYY = Delilah
jimharri
Moderator
Must be some, er, ''odd'' looking blokes where you live then!moonshiner said:XX = Women
YY = Men
YYY = Delilah
D
D
dronefromsector7g
Guest
Have you stolen Milton Jones' joke book?TangerineSteve17 said:If I had a pound for every stray dog I saw...there wouldn't be any stray dogs.
My wife is going through the change. I've got to stop leaving money in my dirty jeans.
My brother is a soldier. He's not a real soldier, he's a thin strip of buttered toast.
Barcon
Well-Known Member
Come back foetus, all is forgiven.
jimharri
Moderator
You've forgotten the punchline!Barcon said:Come back foetus, all is forgiven.
Barcon
Well-Known Member
jimharri said:You've forgotten the punchline!Barcon said:Come back foetus, all is forgiven, said the coat hanger.
moonshiner
Well-Known Member
I love these warm summer nights when you can open all the windows and fall asleep naked. Not sure my taxi driver appreciates it though....
TangerineSteve17
Well-Known Member
They may be shit but they're quick..
Jamaican newspapers have asserted that certain strains of marijuana can cure down syndrome. That's clearly propaganja.
I entered a competition last week to win a shopping centre in America but I was unsuccessful. Oh well. Can't win a Mall.
Rumours that Greggs have stopped serving meat turned out to be a complete lack of pies.
This year's Scrabble champion has been announced. To celebrate he said he's gonna spend a night on the tiles.
Jamaican newspapers have asserted that certain strains of marijuana can cure down syndrome. That's clearly propaganja.
I entered a competition last week to win a shopping centre in America but I was unsuccessful. Oh well. Can't win a Mall.
Rumours that Greggs have stopped serving meat turned out to be a complete lack of pies.
This year's Scrabble champion has been announced. To celebrate he said he's gonna spend a night on the tiles.
jimharri
Moderator
Quick question; you don't work in a factory that makes Christmas crackers, do you? Just asking.TangerineSteve17 said:They may be shit but they're quick..
Jamaican newspapers have asserted that certain strains of marijuana can cure down syndrome. That's clearly propaganja.
I entered a competition last week to win a shopping centre in America but I was unsuccessful. Oh well. Can't win a Mall.
Rumours that Greggs have stopped serving meat turned out to be a complete lack of pies.
This year's Scrabble champion has been announced. To celebrate he said he's gonna spend a night on the tiles.
TangerineSteve17
Well-Known Member
jimharri said:Quick question; you don't work in a factory that makes Christmas crackers, do you? Just asking.
As you were so polite... No, I don't.
People keep saying my jokes are shite. Well ok. The pun's over.
Bloke stood watching his missis get dressed, getting ready to go out.
"Do you know," she tells him, "I bought this nearly thirty years ago, and it still fits me now."
"beat that"
so I went into my draw pulled out a 1969 man city league champions scarf and but that on
"Do you know," she tells him, "I bought this nearly thirty years ago, and it still fits me now."
"beat that"
so I went into my draw pulled out a 1969 man city league champions scarf and but that on
East Level 2
Well-Known Member
If you know your 'istry.ancoats said:Bloke stood watching his missis get dressed, getting ready to go out.
"Do you know," she tells him, "I bought this nearly thirty years ago, and it still fits me now."
"beat that"
so I went into my draw pulled out a 1969 man city league champions scarf and but that on