Joke thread

[Graceyboy]

Went to B&Q last night to get some flooring, but I didn't get any as I found out it had lamb in it.

 

[Oohvonkyvonky]

Roses are red
Flowers are glorious
Do not surprise
Oscar Pistorius

 

[chrishull]

Roses are red
Flowers are glorious
Do not surprise
Oscar Pistorius

He hasn't got a leg to stand on.

 

[haydockboy]

roses are red
violets are blue
ive got dementia
beans on toast

 

[Seosa]

I don't get why Pistorius didn't just leg it when he had the chance...


Oh...

 

[jimharri]

Tesco have launched an investigation after it was discovered that their horseradish was 100% beef.

 

[bennyblue]

Surely Oscar Pistorious can't be the first man to wake up legless on Valentines Day and shoot all over his wife's face while imagining she was someone else ?

 

[bluestevei]

The pope was on a visit to Liverpool and he invited people with problems to be part of the audience, Billy was the first up and asked the pope to help with his hearing, the pope put his hands over Billy's ears and said a prayer, how is your hearing now he asked, billy replied, I don't know it's not till next Wednesday......

 

[Seosa]

Michael Le Vell has already landed a new acting role.

He'll be starring in Fiddler on the Roof.

 

[2bluegp]

Oscar Pistorius is innocent.
Police found footprints in his bathroom.