Joke thread

[Grassland Blue]

How do you make 7lbs of fat interesting?











Stick a nipple on the end of it.

 

[philfodenswristsock]

I bought some replacement bees for my hive yesterday. I asked for a dozen but while introducing them to the colony I noticed I had actually been given 13. Being honest, I rang the shop as they are expensive, the guy said "Don't worry, that extra one was a freebie"

Coat!

 

[bluethrunthru]

ha ha ha - quality observation here - made me chuckle

 

[bladdered]

 

[Blue Mist]

Has anybody else wasted 5 minutes of their life in the joke thread ?
In between 2 memes that people had posted was a picture of a toaster/oven thing.
Underneath it said 12 ways to cook differently. I just couldn't work out what was funny about it.

And then I realised it was an advert.

 

[horlock_was_super]

Has anybody else wasted 5 minutes of their life in the joke thread ?
In between 2 memes that people had posted was a picture of a toaster/oven thing.
Underneath it said 12 ways to cook differently. I just couldn't work out what was funny about it.

And they I realised it was an advert.

It made me laugh because there are actually only 11 ways to use it for cooking.

 

[sir baconface]

 

[philfodenswristsock]

 

[noseve]

Andrew Lloyd Webber walks into Burger King and asks for two whoppers

The girl says "You're really handsome and your musicals are terrific!"

 

[noseve]

I wanted to be become a more sensitive lover, so I bought this DVD on foreplay.

It was actually pretty good - although I did fast forward through the boring bit at the beginning...

 

[Vienna_70]

A rag goes for a job interview.

"How did you lose your last job?"

"The bos came the canteen, and caught me with my dick in the potato peeler, and he sacked me on the spot."

"I should think he would. What did they do with the potato peeler?"

"Well, she had the sack as well."

 

[normskih]

A rag goes for a job interview.

"How did you lose your last job?"

"The bos came the canteen, and caught me with my dick in the potato peeler, and he sacked me on the spot."

"I should think he would. What did they do with the potato peeler?"

"Well, she had the sack as well."

When I first heard that joke about 40 years ago, it wasn’t the potato peeler but the bacon slicer:)

 

[noseve]

"Vodka please, barman - no ice"

"I'm afraid that we've run out of ice, sir - can I fetch you one without lemon instead?"



Wah wah wah waaaaaahhhhh...

 

[oakiecokie]

ha ha ha - quality observation here - made me chuckle

She`s actually telling Giggsy "tell Wayne I`ll still be here in the next half hour".

 

[cinnamon]

Nico O’Reilly during his previous incarnation as a deer.

 

[Zubrman]

And I was always told to take my time and chew it properly.

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

Bloke must be huge.

 

[bluethrunthru]

 

[bluethrunthru]

 

[Sam101]